Was your decision to have kids affected by your diagnosis?

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Was your decision to have kids affected by your diagnosis?
Had kids (planned) before being diagnosed 17%  17%  [ 6 ]
Had kids (planned) after being diagnosed 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Had kids (planned) before and after being diagnosed 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Have kids (planned), not diagnosed 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
No kids by choice before being diagnosed 33%  33%  [ 12 ]
No kids by choice after being diagnosed 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
No kids by choice, not diagnosed 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
No kids but not by choice, diagnosed 11%  11%  [ 4 ]
No kids but not by choice, not diagnosed 6%  6%  [ 2 ]
Had kids (unplanned) before being diagnosed 6%  6%  [ 2 ]
Had kids (unplanned) after being diagnosed 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Had kids (unplanned) before and after being diagnosed 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 36

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03 Oct 2013, 6:31 pm

I had children (planned) before diagnosis (of AS--I've never passed for NT ;)).

I desperately wanted to have children. Both of my children were very planned.

After my 2nd weaned, life got very very difficult. It has been a struggle ever since to spread my focus this thin and to deal with all of the touching that family life requires. Parenting has been the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm far from being done. I believe most parents would say "parenting is the hardest thing [they] do", but I think I struggle on a more fundamental level.

I love my children dearly. I like both of them in all of their little ways. I do not wish to have anymore.



y-pod
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04 Oct 2013, 6:45 am

Neither of my kids was planned, but wanted of course. I didn't suspect I'm on the spectrum until my oldest is 7 or 8. To be honest I still don't like kids very much (but adore mine of course). I do like babies, especially fat ones. :)

My dad who's an aspie is very similar. He likes his kids, has no interest in any other kids. If he didn't have his own kids he'd be one of those people who just don't like kids at all.


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spook24
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04 Oct 2013, 10:35 am

Im 29 and never been diagnosed official, just self diagnosis. ive felt so strongly about not wantig kids since i was 8-10yrs old. i felt a right idiot going through the motions of prams as a little kid because all i was thinkin was "what the hell? what am i meant to do with one of them? :? wheres the lego or paints. even better - where's thomas the tank to watch or my coins to count". i was the least girly girl in my year i know. never worn skirts since i wsa 10, have refused to wear make up(whats the point? it only enhances what you already have?) and certainly knew from 13 there was no way on this earth was i going to have kids. thankfully to both my parents relief when i told them because neither see themselves as grandparents and my dad detests little kids noise- with aversion. my parents werent particularly maternal OR paternal.

yes, as many NTS have and will im sure continue to point out, im still young but fact remains i know myself well enogh to know that I will never change my mind. the one comment that constantly came out at school year after year by my German teacher (a skill for which i have exceptional aptitude even now): "stubbornly single-minded in all she does and decides" and he was right i am extremely so at times. its what got me through life so far :lol:



InnaLucia
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04 Oct 2013, 3:54 pm

I had my daughter (planned) before I'd even heard of Asperger's. I would still have had my daughter even if I'd had a diagnosis beforehand.



DragonKazooie89
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10 Oct 2013, 9:16 pm

No kids but I'm only 23. I kind of want to have them but as the same time I'm asexual and I'm not sure I'm capable of doing so since I've never even had my first date yet.



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10 Oct 2013, 11:55 pm

so far 75%... no kids.


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ebec11
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15 Oct 2013, 1:11 am

Honestly not sure if I want children, and ONE of the factors is my Autism. I feel like it's genetic for me at least, there's definite links in my family. I wouldn't give a s*** if it was HFA or Aspergers, but since my Autism was so severe as a child, I don't know if I want to submit myself or a kid to that.



aspiekelly
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15 Oct 2013, 9:40 pm

Well, my mum kept saying for me not to have kids after I was diagnosed. I was married afterwards, for a short time, but we dated for two years first... We went back and forth on the idea to have kids.

I was diagnosed when I was 21, and was told at the time that I was unable to work, 'possibility for low level training in the future', but now 6 years later, I've had my job for 3 years, and also my ex and I are back together, and we want kids together.



spinningpixie
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18 Oct 2013, 1:07 pm

i was diagnosed as a kid but it's not talked about in my family. never thought i would have kids because of sensory issues. after some years of marriage and maturation, i realized that i had better control of the sensory issues and really wanted kids. i have two kids and they are amazing. i think the world and i are better off for their being here. i don't think being on the spectrum should determine whether someone has children. whether someone wants to be and has the capacity to be a good parent should determine this.



MindBlind
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20 Oct 2013, 12:31 pm

I have never wanted children. My diagnosis has no bearing on that decision. I have no maternal instincts and actually find babies a bit creepy, if I'm honest.



SirReality
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22 Oct 2013, 11:08 am

I've been married for a year and a half and do not have children yet but I very much do want them.

I suppose I am nervous about having children because of some traits of mine, but I do not believe in having a diagnosis affect my decision.

I am child-like at heart and connect with children and infants very well--my mother has video recordings of me as a 4 year old walking up to random strangers' babies and trying to kiss them--so having my own just makes sense to me. :D



PainfullyShy
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10 Nov 2013, 3:35 am

Teasaidh wrote:
I am curious to know how many women here have children, how many don't, and what sort of planning (or lack of planning) went into the decision. Also, if you are diagnosed, how did that affect you decision?


I was about 10 when I was officially diagnosed, but I had it in my head growing up that I would like a husband and a child or two. Being a grown woman of 25 with Aspergers (a.k.a Autism as its now known) didn't change that. I don't have any (or plan on having any) kids at this point in time, however I still want them someday.

I know it will probably be very challenging for me...I tend to get extremely nervous around other people's kids and shy away from them (especially when they scream or make loud noises), which is why I have told people I don't 'baby-sit'. But I think if it's -my- kid we're talking about, that may all very well change and I'll adapt to the noises just as I've adapted to everything else thrown at me.



puddingmouse
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10 Nov 2013, 6:15 am

I'm not formally diagnosed but I'd rather adopt kids than have my own.


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Frisco
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03 Dec 2013, 2:24 am

I'm not sure where I fit in, because I was diagnosed at a very young age, but the diagnosis has had quite the effect on my attitude towards motherhood. On the one hand, I most certainly want to be a mother. Not now, since I'm far too young, but definitely in my 30s or so. On the other hand, Aspergers isn't the only bad thing in my genes, and I wouldn't want to pass them on. Then again, as a lesbian, I have the option of not being the one to bear the children if whoever I'm with doesn't want to adopt (I don't have a problem with adopting my children, personally). If I were in the position of deciding whether or not to pass on my genes, I wouldn't do it.



Schneekugel
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03 Dec 2013, 7:35 am

It was not really that issue for me. When talking to my partner about my diagnosis, and that it was inheritable, I told him that if he wanted to conceive with an foreign female cell donation, implanted in me, it was ok for me. So some people bother around about kids not having their DNA, but I thought to myself that there wouldnt be any problems, if I did the pregnancy myself. But the option of getting a kid with another womans DNA seemed for him to be more creepy then any of my Asperger could be. ^^