Very Indelicate Question for Ladies (Adult Content)

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Very bluntly, AS ladies in marraiges or long-term relationships, how do you manage to remember to have sex regularly??

I have this goal of managing to bang my husband at least twice a week. I accept that I am going to have to feign interest; I love him but between AS, 4 kids, and Prozac, my libido is deader than a doornail. Really-- it's in the vicinity of "pedicure" on the list of things that cross my mind (which is to say, fleetingly to never). I care about his needs, about seeing myself as a decent wife, and about easing the stress load around here.

It doesn't have to be earth-shatteringly steamy. 10-20 minutes of the old in-out will cut it.

The question is, how do I build it into the schedule so that I remember to make it happen reliably (yes, I am going to have to initiate). It can't be "a Sunday-Wednesday thing" (meaning something that happens same day, same time). There has to be both consistency (2-3 times a week) and some level of spontaneity.

This has been a goal for almost a year now, and I've had only intermittent success (very intermittent). I really have to do something about this. I think it would help things around here a lot.

I know how to fake it. I just need some advice on actually getting it done. Like-- "Scoop cat pans-- check. Take out garbage-- check. Flea treat dog-- check. Have sex-- check." It's on the list. I need some pointers on how to get to "check."

I wish I could help you but between my meds, our wild kid, decreasing hormones and some other relationship problems , I've kinda let it go. Every now and then my DH will initiate and I don't have an excuse ready, but if it was up to just me, it would be never.

I don't mean to be nosy*, but why do you have to initiate it?

*Never could figure out the difference between curious and nosy.

Are there any adjustments you can make to increase your libido? (adjusting meds, time alone, etc?) It just doesn't seem like it would be beneficial to either of you if it's a chore, and you're not feeling it too.

If it's working for you guys, I guess maybe try to hit one weekend and one midweek "get together"?

Virgin.

my issue has been killing my sex drive.

Frankly I don't know how to not want it........I guess you just initiate.

Wow. +1 to you for even trying to make the effort for him, very selfless if you really truely aren't up for it.

You do way much more than my wife ever did. I was lucky with once every months... If then.

Not easy for a guy with my hypersexual tendency.

Have you considered switching medications?

I ask because I was put on Bupropion (Wellbutrin generic) about half a year ago, and, well, let's just say I have no worries about remembering to try. Apparently an increased libido is a common side effect.

Well - most of the time, my hormones don't let me forget to.

Why not just pick 2 days per week and put the kids to bed 1 hour earlier?

If you're having trouble checking it, even though it's on the list - then I would suggest you simply don't have enough incentive to do it.
If the sex itself isn't enough of an incentive or reward for you - choose something else that is, that you enjoy.

If it means you have sex, and afterwards you get some down time in whatever form you prefer (your reward or incentive - whatever your special interest is, or if you just want kid and husband free time) - will the reward afterwards of "you time" be sufficient to remember to put the kids to bed early and have sex with your husband?

I am laughing SO hard at this.... I have the exact same problem. I've gotten into "discussions" with my husband, wherein he informs me that we don't have enough sex. He thinks it's because I am not interested in HIM. (not the case, I just ... don't think about it?)
So I end up getting really upset and yelling at him.. I tell him to come up with a frequency that he considers "enough" and I'll put a reminder on my phone, or tie a clipboard to the bed, so we can graph our coital frequency over time, thereby giving him more or less ammunition for future arguments...

As you might expect, those conversations don't go well.

Yup-- been there, done that. Didn't go any better for us. He really did not like being asked to generate a program for my erotic behavior. That got pretty darn dark.

It has to be me that initiates it because he needs it to be. It is, evidently, very tiring and insecurifying to be the one who does all the pursuing. Everybody wants to be wanted, and all that.

As I really can't handle the consequences of his insecurity any more, something has to be done. Besides-- we might be a poor match, but if so, it's fifteen years and four kids too late for that realization to do anyone any good. Now it's just fix the problems.

It's not exactly a chore-- more of a gift, just one I don't think to give 'cause it's not one I'd care to get.

I don't think changing medication or anything else will fix it-- I have literally NEVER had a sex drive. NEVER. I used to masturbate occasionally in my late teens and early 20s because the hormone rush helped me get to sleep-- that's been the peak of my libido so far (I'm now 35). I've only been on medication for 2 or 3 of those years (birth control pills for a few months in 2001 and fluoxetine since late 2011).

They say fluoxetine kills sex drive. I told them it didn't matter; I didn't have any to lose. It has destroyed the capacity to reach climax-- which I actually appreciate. Sorry-- climax for me basically involves every cell in my body screaming, "MAKE IT STOP!" I did ask for tips on faking it convincingly, and surprisingly got a few.

One wonders why I married at that rate; all I know to say is, for companionship. I do love him and do enjoy his company. I enjoy our family life. I'm grateful for our kids. I want it to stay together, and I want him to be fulfilled and happy.

Ergo, banging the hubby is a gift. Like a lovingly prepared meal or a clean house or a movie I hate but watch with him anyway. The act is indifferent to me, at least as long as I remain, um, insensitive down there. The gift is something it would please me very much to give (as long as I see it as a gift, not an obligation).

It's not just banging the husband-- it's all the chores that are hard to see. Bang the husband, get the mail, remember to change the oil in the car if the little sticker falls off the windshield. Pay the damn bills.

Things like dishes and cat pans and laundry are easy-- there are visual (or olfactory, or auditory) reminders. I will remember to pick up when I trip over toys on my way to the toilet (daily, if they're not picked up a couple times a day) or the baby is chewing on The Encyclopedia of Country Living (expensive-- and useful-- book). Homework gets done because the kids walk in the door carrying backpacks. It's pretty darn hard to forget to feed whining kids and/or cats that orbit my ankles. That overflowing hamper under the bedroom window makes it pretty clear that laundry needs doing.

Nothing does that for "get the mail." Or "change the oil." Or "schtupp the spouse."

Maybe I can come up with a visual reminder about the hubby too-- I don't know what it would be. I don't wear pajamas, or I'd tuck something sexy (ick) under my pillow.

My boyfriend won't have sex with me any more, but I never had that problem when we did. Now I'm the world's biggest female w*ker.

I wouldn't do it at all but I guess it's kind of late to say that after being married with 4 kids. I'm single and don't have sex.

What about setting up a date night once or twice a week? I've heard of couples doing that.

Maybe you should start with once a week, and then work your way up to twice. Im one of those that just forgets at times. I get a pass on period week. I make an effort to find a sexy nightie and do everything he likes on the week that has our anniversary date (the 27thish of each month). The other two weeks, I try to be open to any intimacy he initiates. Im also getting better at finding my turn ons, and try to do those a couple times a month (Listening to sexy music, eating strawberries, dressing up in lingerie...)

That way I dont have to be the one to initiate all the time, and he doesnt get turned down every time he tries to put the moves on me.