Scared and disgusted of pregnancy

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Hello there! I need to talk to you about something. Please don´t stone me to death when you finish reading this confession. This topic might be very unpleasant to read for some people, especially for the ones that have children. I swear it is NOT about hating them or having problems coping with them when they are already born. So please, do not call me names - like most people do - because I really do not mean it in a bad way.

I´ve always been frightened of sex and pregnancy. I find pregrant women repulsive and can´t even imagine being pregnant one day. I am just frightened that I will look and feel like an unapealing whale and my future husband will lose any interest in me. I think it must be due to the sensory issues, I don´t know. Everybody keeps on saying: „When you are ready, you´ll love being pregnant and you´ll feel beautiful." But I know I just WON´T feel anything close to that! My fear is so intense that if I found out I am going to have a baby, I would rather go to abortion.

Don´t get me wrong, I LOVE KIDS. And some day in the future, I would certainly LOVE having at least one. I just can´t stand the thought of getting or being pregnant. Maybe it´s because my body would be changing, and it´s something I don´t know, and I don´t really like big changes like this. Especially the thought of having something like alien growing in me.

It is not something I´ve got in my early adulthood. I fear pregnant women ever since my early childghood. When I was four and I saw my mother pregnant with my sister, she seemed utterly disgusting and scary to me. I kept on screaming everytime I saw her, and I refused to touch her at all. Even now, I just can´t get over it.

I even thought of other ways of having children - like surrogacy or adoption. But I am afraid that they would never let me adopt a kid because I have Asperger´s, and doing the whole thing through a surrogate mother is illegal in the Czech republic.

But the thought of not having children is unbearable and painful for me. It is a very topical question at my age, especially when one decides to enter a relationship. If you know in advance that your partner hates kids and does not want them, it´s a problem. But I don´t think I´ll ever be able to bear my own kids if I don´t receive the right support from my partner. And it´s gonna be a HUGE support, because I am SOOO frightened. However, I don´t think that there exist some men that would wait for me to get over my fears and change my mind. I am afraid that no man would want a woman like me, and that I will stay alone forever. Sorry for my naivety, I just don´t know what to do. An advice would be appreciated.

You never know what you'll do in a situation until you're in it; to speak of "knowing" anything before it happens is fruitless (regardless of the topic). Anyway, if you want your own children, you'll either have to face your fears or get a surrogate. You might consider psychological therapy.

Edited to add: The changes you go through during pregnancy are well-documented, so it wouldn't be a surprise. Read everything you can about pregnancy and learn more about it. The more you know, the less fear you should have.

Sounds like a phobia to me. I think you will need therapy to face your fear if you really do intend to have children. I have two kids myself and the worst thing I can say about pregnancy is that it's very uncomfortable. There is morning sickness, hormonal shifts, aches and pains, skin problems, etc. But it's all temporary, and growing my children inside my body and giving birth is one of the coolest things I've ever done. Feeling the little kicks, hearing the heartbeat, seeing the baby on the ultrasound, the anticipation as you learn about each stage of growth and pick out things for your baby, and holding your child for the first time...these are wonderful, amazing experiences. Everyone is nervous their first pregnancy, but your fear sounds like an actual phobia, and there are many therapists that treat phobias. Good luck.

The idea of being pregnant does make me really uneasy but for none of the reasons you've mentioned. Part of it is that I'd have to go off all my medications being pregnant (not good with my iffy physical health) and part of it is that my family is known to have a lot of issues attempting to give birth. The biggest deterrent is really not wanting kids, but those are some of the bigger physical reasons as to why I wouldn't want to be pregnant.

Probably stating the obvious, but you must learn to not hate pregnant women/pregnancy before getting pregnant yourself. I don't know that you'll ever truly LIKE the idea of being pregnant, but I think you can get to the point of tolerating the idea with enough work with a psychologist or something. Good luck.

While I respect your views, I have to say that my experience of being pregnant is nothing like what you're fearing it's going to be like. I loved every minute of my pregnancy, even though I had morning sickness for 10 weeks. I looked and felt completely feminine and my hair looked amazing (as is the case with many pregnant women). I didn't look fat or like a whale. In fact, I was very slim, with a baby bump. But, I did dress in a way that showed I was definitely pregnant and not overweight (stretchy lycra does the trick, rather than tents or baggy clothes). My husband is in no way turned off by me. Your fear does sound rather intense and, if you really do want to get over it, I'd suggest you talk it through with a professional.

Thanks for your opinions.

i understand your fear and disgust, because i felt the same way. i thought pregnancy was the most horrible condition... i mean, the foetus is essentially a parasite feeding off the mother's body in the most animalistic way. but in addition, i really disliked babies and small children.

it really did change for me when i got pregnant (by accident, of course). i became aspie-focused on the science behind it and read many books about pregnancy and childbirth. i even watched videos of births! i didn't care too much about other people's pregnancies, but i felt happy to be so physically close to another human being... i was even a little sad when my daughter was born, because i couldn't ever be THAT close to another person again. i felt a bit lonely.

I have always wanted to grow hooomans in tanks instead of inside women.

I am terrified of becoming pregnant. Terrified of the pain, of my body being ruined forever, of complications, of losing a baby... I'm a naturally paranoid person and I can't help imagining that everything that could go wrong would go wrong.

I never got "blissed out" about my pregnancies, but they weren't so bad. There were moments of nuisance and awkwardness, along with some really amazing experiences. I was horribly afraid of labor, but that was over in a manner of hours-- not worth the amount of energy I spent fearing it.

I've only been pregnant once and while it wasn't horrible, I can't say that I loved it or felt beautiful either. My husband didn't find it unattractive. In fact, I think he found me quite attractive while I was pregnant.

Sleeping was the biggest problem, because it got to be so physically uncomfortable in the later months, but other than that, it wasn't as awful and foreign as it might seem upon imagining it.

It is something that freaks me out. Not even the giving birth part though I imagine that isn't at all pleasant. But something growing inside me is scary. That's probably because I've never wanted children though and have always used protection, so finding I was pregnant would be an unwanted terrifying shock.

I used to feel scared around pregnant women, but I don't feel it so much now. Again, probably because my sister is currently pregnant for the 2nd time, my cousin had a 2nd child earlier this year and I'm 31 so most of my friends are starting to think about children, (whereas there weren't any babies in my family when I was growing up) so it's something I'm more exposed to now. I still can't bring myself to touch a wriggling bump though!

I have never been terrified of it but I have felt nervous about it. I was aware of all the bad side effects to it and the permanent ugly changes it leaves to your body and all that excess weight gain, ugh. I wanted to adopt so I wouldn't ruin my body. But my husband wanted a kid of his own and won't see adopted children as his real children. Plus it's expensive and I wasn't sure if I be allowed to adopt because of my diagnoses and our income. Plus all that red tape and how hard it is to adopt and it can take years. We would have to do it through foster care but I didn't want a child with problems that were created by someone else because they came from a broken home. plus I believe that once you have a foster child, you are committed to keep them unless they were violent or mean to your children and they felt unsafe or abusive or stealing from you or they were just simply unhappy there and things were not working out, and you can't just kick them out and have them transferred to another foster home just because they were not the ideal child you wanted. They are not pets. Sadly that is what happens in lot of foster homes, kids always bouncing from home to home and that is why they also have problems, why be good if you will be kicked out anyway? if you can't handle it, don't be a foster parent. That is why I am not one because I am afraid of what kid I can get and what if I can't handle it.

So I got pregnant and it all turned out fine, it didn't ruin my body but it still changed and it did in a good way. But I am left with a leaky bladder. I will start dripping urine for no reason and I have no way of stopping it. The labor was fine and so was giving birth. I had no complications and the delivery went well. The doctors there were amazed how well I acted there and told me most women aren't that good there. They act worse. I had no problems sleeping at night, I enjoyed the feeling of my baby moving inside me and kicking, my husband thought I looked sexy still and found my tummy sexy but my hormones drove him crazy because I was more emotional and I all of a sudden wanted affection and he wasn't used to it, not from me. He said I expressed myself better thanks to it and made me more loving. I had no morning sickness either. I had some discomforts like sore back and it be uncomfortable when I be sitting down, my tummy would sometimes feel like I had been doing too many sit ups or drinking too much water and then working out, my legs gets sore when I be on them for too long. I never really bloated much except a few times and I never swelled up except for when I went to childbirth classes and the kind of chairs we had to sit in made my legs get swollen so they felt so heavy. Even my own husband said they looked big. But I still enjoyed being pregnant. I just ignored all that stuff and I still worked and cleaned and in the last month I just started to get lazy and quit going for walks and always wanted to sit down and I had to force myself to go to work. My husband told me that was my body's way of saying I need to give it a rest and relax because I am bout to have the baby soon. Even I didn't want to eat and I had to force myself too. Then I went into early labor and thought I would have to deal with that for another week I hoped. Then I went into real labor that night and was happy I had my son a week before his due date. But he was born three days before Christmas so he was my Christmas present, an early one.

I was just glad I didn't have to be pregnant for 40 weeks or for 42 weeks or 41 weeks. I was hoping I wouldn't go past my due date.


I wish more women out there tell their positive stories about their pregnancy and deliveries because all we ever hear about are the horror ones. But yet the ones who do tell positive ones are seen as bragging or lying about it.