pretending to be normal book and others

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I am surprised I didn't find a thread about this book in here that is not old.
I discovered amazon does international shipping so I decided to order some books about aspergers (mainly for females). Based on what I have been reading here this is it the list:
-pretending to be normal
-22 things a woman with asperger syndrome wants her partner to know
-aspergers and anxiety
-living well on the autism spectrum
-women from another planet: our lives on the universe of autism

but the thing is, all those books + shipping is expensive and I will have to delete one book from the list. Any suggestions of which should be in or out?
I am thinking of deleting pretending to be normal because I am not sure how a biography could be helpful. I would rather buy a book that takes into consideration multiple perspectives as the spectrum is so diverse. But people seem to really like this book. Has anyone read it? How good and helpful is it?

Last edited by linatet on 19 Apr 2014, 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Of your list, I only have "Aspergers and Anxiety" by Nick Dubin -- is that the same one as you listed?

I actually did not find this particular book very helpful. Nick Dubin describes his experiences and those of others, many of which I could relate to, but when it came to his actual advice about coping mechanisms, I found myself feeling disappointed. His advice seemed non-specific, wishy-washy, generalized and somehow unsatisfying.

Just prior to reading his book, I had read "Aspergirls" by Rudy Simone -- and that had been an exhilarating read. She too describes her own experiences and that of others whom she had interviewed, in a similar manner to Dubin's book, yet somehow it all "clicked" more for me. At the end of each chapter she gives practical advice on coping mechanisms, and I felt that her bits of advice seemed more practicable and useful to me.

When I read Dubin's book after that, I was expecting more of the same -- yet found his book and his coping advice very "pale" and wan in comparision.

Perhaps that was just me, though. Simone's book is so vibrantly written that anything would feel like a let-down immediately after it.

I realize you're trying to cut costs and prune-down the list, but I do strongly recommend Rudy Simone's Aspergirls to be added to your wishlist. It resonated with me like a thousand bells ringing.

About "Pretending to be Normal" -- some people say they don't give validity to the author because although she has a daughter fully diagnosed on the spectrum, she has never yet sought her own diagnosis and is thus "self diagnosed." So some people have felt that what she has to say is not valid or only valid in terms of her formally diagnosed daughter's experiences.

As someone as yet only informally diagnosed myself, I'm on the fence about those harsh judgements against her, but you might wish to take that into consideration.

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I've read pretending to be normal. I skimmed over the biography part, went straight to the back to the helpful hints. I haven't tried any of them. The book wasn't that helpful for me.

I'm self-diagnosed and seeking an official diagnosis. Which I'm learning is very difficult and expensive where I live.

The book that's been very helpful to me is the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Atwood. This has been an invaluable resource for me. Gave me a great deal of insight and understanding and I use every one if the tools listed in the book to save me from having meltdowns.

Hope the helps.

I didn't relate to "pretending to be normal" either. It was the first aspie book I read and made me doubt myself so that I didn't read any others for ages. More recently I read aspergirls and related to 90% of it - I was highlighting relevant stuff with a pink highlighter and gave up because every page was pink.

Honestly I wouldn't bother reading pretending to be normal if you're looking to learn about aspergers. It was really disappointing to me.

I read Pretending to be Normal and her main ASD issue seems to be sensory. I also don't get lost easily because I have good sense of direction and remember where to go. I still don't understand how someone can get lost and not know their way around. The first few times, I can understand and then after that you know where the rooms are.

I would say of all of those listed, I would highly recommend reading Women From Another Planet?

That one helped me a lot as compared to other books. It's more essays and anecdotes, but I understand it better.

thanks for the answers! I think the one I am going to delete from the list is pretending to be normal indeed.

I read this one already. Glad to see you liked it, but for me it wasn't very useful. I wrote a thread criticizing the book, here it is http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt254309.html


I have already read this one too! I liked it.


I do get lost very easily. It is called topographical agnosia and usually the ones that have it have prosopagnosia (I have both) and I read around 33%-50% of aspies have one or both.
It works like this for me: you know the places but they don't get connected in your mind. Even if you found your way to the place, for instance, the classroom, lots of times you still don't know how to get there. In your mind you have the pictures of the front entrance of college, then some halls, corridors, and the room, but you don't connect them in your mind to form a path, you don't know which order they appear, they get confused in your mind and when they appear you don't recognize them.
I lost many classes already getting lost in my campus

I got interested in it because it shows lots of perspectives! I think this is important considering we are so diverse. And that is also why I don't think a biography like pretending to be normal could be much useful, it is the experiences of just one person, and chances are I won't be able to connect to those experiences in particular.
In the amazon reviews people said in women from another planet they are too high functioning. Is it so? But anyway all books about aspergers/autism there are people criticizing it for showing too high functioning people and thus not being representative, others criticizing the same book for showing too low functioning people and thus not being representative

I got interested in it because it shows lots of perspectives! I think this is important considering we are so diverse. And that is also why I don't think a biography like pretending to be normal could be much useful, it is the experiences of just one person, and chances are I won't be able to connect to those experiences in particular. [/quote]

Yeah, I bought Aspergirls and WFAP? at the same time and Aspergirls was not helpful to me (aimed at straight women, for example) although it had a few places where it hit pretty hard. WFAP? though had lots of bits that helped me understand myself better. I couldn't identify with everyone but I could identify with enough.



I would say the essays are written by women with varying degrees of impairments and symptoms and that while many of them could be described as "high functioning" I do not think anyone is "too high functioning." And some definitely describe more challenges than others.

You're right about every autism book being criticized like that. I'd just ignore it.

I second the recommendation for "Women From Another Planet."

I've found it to be one of the most helpful for females on the spectrum.

The books arrived!
I am reading women from another planet and even though I just read the first pages I like it. In the book they are talking in a thread, do they mean an online forum thread? Does anyone know what forum is this? WP??
also I think the cover is too morbid, like we are suffering from autism or something. My mother didn't like either, and it didn't help her to see my diagnosis in a good light.

Wow! I read 20 pages and I identify with it soo much!! !
so far they talked about been seen as too functioning and therefore they think we are not trying enough, about processing one thing at a time (I actually made a recent post about it), about having this child side, about no frontier of inanimate and animate things, about different processing.
I identify so much with everything ! ! I would never have imagined identifying so much, specially because I usually don't identify with other autistic experiences (and that actually makes me doubt my diagnosis). Now I want to buy a copy to all my friends!
all my doubts about possibly being misdiagnosed disappearing in 3, 2, 1...