Am I the apparatus?

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, so I've been sexually active for over 20 years with 7 men (at different times. lol) I am able to orgasm in front of my partner, but only from direct stimulation of my clitoris (digital, tonguing.)
Penetration does nothing for me sexually. It's nice 'cause you can feel your partner, but ultimately during sex I feel I become a tool for my partner to use to get off.

Am I alone in this?

Gosh, do you feel like you are using your partner's tongue as an "apparatus"? I assume your partner doesn't orgasm while giving you cunnilingus...

Are you a very active partner during intercourse? Maybe if you were on top, or some other position where you can determine the tempo and depth, etc., you would feel more like you are giving them pleasure rather than being used for pleasure.

Yes.

I kinda have this block when it comes to intimacy - if I think about my partner I become self-conscious and lose interest. So I think about other things.


Sex seems to me to be using the other person, but this is my own issue, not my partners. I have no idea how he feels. This could stem from my first sexual relationship which was abusive. But that was over 15 years ago.

I do enjoy sex, but I have this block when it comes to emotional intimacy at the same time.

You aren't alone. I get nothing from penetration too.

Not really. I think your point of view is shared by more than half the woman of the world.

I am the opposite. I mean I also have issue with intimacy but for me it manifests the other way around.

you should probably try therapy if you want to change that.

btw - 'digital stimulation' had me scratching my head for half a minute, trying to figure out what kind of binary sexual toy you were referring to.

You may or may not be able to increase the sensitivity inside your vagina by massaging in there with a finger from time to time, giving your nerves a chance to figure out what is going on in a less stressful situation. I started doing this end of august - less than a minute at a time before my morning shower - and didn't start feeling arousal until two months later. I wasn't expecting to at all (was doing it for vaginismus), so that was interesting. (When I first started, my g-spot felt like a lump, like a knot in a muscle. I don't know if that would be the case for someone who's sexually active.)

Totally not uncommon