Diagnosis - what does it offer?

Post Reply New Topic

I've been well-nigh convinced that I'm an Aspie for about 10 years now. I was never diagnosed -- this was based on an AHA moment, way back when, after I came across some info on Asperger's, then took a number of tests, ticked off a multitude of boxes for my extended family members, as well, and I scored high all across the board.

Suddenly, so much made sense.

I discussed it with various healthcare providers, and all of them were skeptical. I was "too functional" and seemed too normal, to qualify, in their view. This was back around 2007-2008, around the time that a number of books were coming out, and it was like finally getting that missing piece of the puzzle that has always been me. Of course, being a woman, it was a little irritating that everything seemed to be about men.

I was actively seeking a diagnosis, but the neuropsychologist I have been working with is focused on ADHD and I needed to work through a bunch of attentional / EF issues. I've got a good handle on that stuff, with some solid tools and strategies in place. Now the attentional issues feel less troubling than the AS aspects of my life. And I'm wondering if it makes sense to get a diagnosis.

I don't know what it's going to win me, other than just having some validation. I know everyone I've ever talked to about Aspie issues has laughed at me, when I tried to explain how it fits me to a "T". I'm not sure I'm up for more dismissal... or maybe it would be validating.

One other thing -- My partner gets freaked out about the whole neurodiversity concept -- she's got her own panic/anxiety issues, and she feels unsafe when I'm not 100% "normal". I don't want to freak her out (and make my life even more challenging than it is), but for my own sake, I'd like to find someone who can diagnose.

Feel like I'm rambling.

Anyone have some advice?

Thanks

vv

First off, if you think having an official diagnosis will help with the people who laughed you off--it probably won't. Unfortunately. (So I wouldn't use that as a reason to get diagnosed.)

Honestly, I think what most adults have to gain is validation. There aren't many services around for us, and what is there rarely depends on an iron-clad diagnosis. So, I guess it just depends how much validation would mean to you.

About your partner: it's not okay for her to accept you only if you have no formal diagnosis. And it's also not useful for someone with depression/anxiety to have only people with no problems around them. Sometimes having problems can help those people rise to the aid.

Good luck on your decision.

Thanks very much - good food for thought

I'm pursuing a diagnosis, and while validation is a good chunk of my motive, I'm also hoping it might put me in touch with some help. Mainly:

1. Maybe I can get a counselor/therapist who actually knows something about autism. The last one I went to didn't understand my executive function problems even when I used that term and gave examples. She also kept getting hung-up on my sex life for some reason.

2. I want to hire a person that will come by every other week or so and do a bunch of small tasks that are supposed to be easy but that I find life-ruiningly difficult (things like taking out the trash, checking the mail, scanning important documents). If necessary, I'll try to get someone off of craigslist or something, but maybe I could find some kind of disability-related caretaker instead?

I'm not very optimistic though.

Anyway... what you said about your partner is a little concerning. Do you have to pretend to be NT around her? Besides the fact that neurodiversity tends to come with some non-disabling personality traits and you should feel comfortable being yourself, even as far as the actual disorder goes, that'd be like hiding a food allergy or something. It should be something all your loved ones just know about you, and occassionally compensate for. And is she going to reject you if you get some other kind of non-normalcy in the future, like post-partum depression or a brain injury?

Thanks for your input. And also your concern. The thing with my partner (we've been committed for 24 years, and legally married for 11), is that she's got intense panic/anxiety that's biochemically based. She's also got some neurological issues from prior head trauma, as well as a history of some strokes and seizures from diabetic complications. And now there's additional cognitive impairment that's becoming pretty obvious -- likely from vascular dementia. So, she's got deficits, which makes it difficult to apply "regular" expectations to her. I have to be mindful of her actual capacity. It's not just her being lazy or unwilling. Some of the former connections in her brain are compromised. Or gone.

I've been through a lot of ups and downs with her, especially with the Executive Function work I've been doing - things were pretty messed up about 10 years ago for me, and she still has residual issues from that.

The way that I've handled things over the years, has been to behave in a certain way with her -- literally a "certain" way. Anything less than 100% self-confidence and certainty puts her on edge, and I have to work with her to help her see things are not all going to hell in a handbag. This has been a progressive process over the past 4-5 years. It's not as awful as it sounds. I've actually been working with her on this level for nearly 20 years.

Anyway, I'm leaning towards getting a diagnosis, because my insurance is going to change in another 5 months. Right now, I have an enhanced PPO, which lets me do everything I want/need to do without asking for permission from anyone. Ha ha! So, I may have an opportunity to get this done, while I still have decent coverage. Now I need to find someone who actually knows about diagnosing women.

There's a local support group for Aspie women, so I'm thinking of connecting with them. That could be the first place to start.

I'm just concerned that I'm going to be dismissed, or people are just going to laugh at me (yet again) and treat me like I'm delusional or looking for attention. Or drugs. I want neither. Truly, I do. I just want the correct information, so I can orient my life and be aware of the proverbial potholes in the road as I'm driving along.

The purpose of diagnosis is to provide support or accommodations for impairments.
For high-functioning adult, perhaps accommodations for school or work.