Do you have the ability to fall in love?

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I am 44 years old and there have been some guys in my past that I had relationships with and I have dated a number of guys that I wasn't really interested in.

However....some of these guys where nice, attractive, smart you name it. But I don't think that I have ever fallen in love with someone. I don't really know what other woman are talking about when they keep saying that they are sooooo in love with a guy and that they have butterflies in their stomach and that sort of stuff. I actually hate cliches like that.

I know that I'm very capable of loving people. I love my familymembers, my cats etcetera. But I have never experienced the feeling of falling head over heels in love. I don't think that I have the ability and/or capacity for it because of the ADS or maybe I just haven't met the right guy yet, I don't know. What are your experiences?

Last edited by pokerface on 14 Jul 2011, 4:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm 21, and had only one boyfriend (who was autistic) but it didn't work out to well because he was too clingy but we're still friends. Turns out I loved him like a brother (he also happens to be exactly one month older than my brother).

I've never been in love because I;m not interested in a relationship yet, I'm focusing on finding a job/working towards my career first.

That's a very sensible thing to do. I hope you will have a great career and a job that you really like. It's best to choose a career that matches with your special interests.

Camaraderie in relationships is probably more important for people with ADS than butterflies.

Last edited by pokerface on 13 Jul 2011, 3:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not really capable of falling in love with a man. modern day males don't really turn me on.

I'm in love now, and I only had the butterflies at the start. Now I have all the deeper things like trust, security etc... I do think that autistic people or people with AS will be more likely to get along with people with autism or AS, because it happens a lot. My boyfriend and I both have AS and we find it makes things much, much easier than it would be if just one of us had it. Lots of people think we're exactly the same as well, so finding someone similar to yourself in other ways always helps.

i dont know. after ive been in what i thought was love i always seem to doubt whether it actually was love. not that i fall n love very much at all

Your blog is great! I especially enjoyed "The lies behind the stages".

I think you're right.
It can be very hard and tiresome to have a relationship with a man who doesn't have AS, but I live in a provincial town in Holland and it's not so easy to find a man who has at least some of the same symptoms as I have.

And besides, I like living alone. It would be nice to meat someone that I have a lot in common with but I am so used to my life as it is now and has been for some time, that it's very hard for me to change things and take the risk.

It's almost impossible for me to live with someone in the same house. I need my own personal space.

Last edited by pokerface on 14 Jul 2011, 3:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've had obsessive crushes. Maybe its just getting used to the person or being obsessed with the person that people call love I don't know. I get used to people sometimes that I just can't let go off -- this I've been calling love.

As for being in love? I trust people quite easily once they get past my few filters and I give them my best... so yes I think I'm capable

I'm not sure how valuable my input is given my age, but...

None-sexually yeah. For me there's a difference between platonic, romantic and sexual. I can go 'up to' romantic but not sexual.

With a girl I can fall in love to the 'sexual' stage.

But I agree with above posters about calling obsession 'love'...

not really. and when i got obsessed with people it was girls.

Yes. Probably too deeply.

yes, i can and i do. i fall hard, and have gotten my heart broken more than once. i am sure there is a dose of obsession/infatuation in there, for sure.

It has only happened once for me, with an aspie man, currently ongoing, and personally, I find it very difficult regardless of whether he is aspie or not.
I find men with aspergers to be a lot less emotional than females, or certainly in my case.

There have been many occasions where he says something that hurts me a lot, and then all I can do is disappear to cry and find myself unable to communicate at all.

His reaction is to just stay in the other room, finish his wine, then go home, with neither of us eating dinner, and no resolution until later on.

I find this sort of thing very difficult to deal with.
And my social anxiety prevents me from being able to do anything about it after I have become upset.

This is quite true for me as well.

Thanks for your reactions so far!

By the way, I have changed the title of this topic (a bit) because I don't want to exclude people.
I guess it finally dawned on me.