Newly diagnosed

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So I was newly diagnosed with ASD. It has been relieving and depressing at the same time. Now so many things from my childhood and teenage years make sense, and I still struggle with making friends and holding conversations at parties. It's relieving to know there are others like me, and I'm not a robot/alien. It's depressing because now i feel like i have this big label on me. Anyone else have these thoughts? Any tips for a newly diagnosed woman?

Hello and welcome! I can't really offer any advice about being depressed by being labeled because I come from an ASD family. We have 7 on the spectrum. My Grandmother was never diagnosed but she was pretty classic ASD and three of her four children have ASD. My cousin and I are 3rd generation and my son is 4th gen so it's kind of just normal for us. I imagine not having family who share a diagnosis would possibly make a diagnosis feel like a sort of division from others but there are always plenty of us here to hang with. I hope in time, as you process it, that you decide a diagnosis doesn't define you. It just helps explain things.

Hi! It's nice to meet you. I'm Lisa, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 29, and I'm now 32. I've learned a lot since I was diagnosed...

I used to have severe social anxiety to where I couldn't even utter good morning to my co-workers or talk on the phone or do the simplest things without great difficulty. I also didn't have any friends so I spent much of my time alone, and I struggled with depression. I was so unhappy

Over the last 2 to 3 years I've come a long way. I have a circle of close friends and lots of acquaintances, I can talk in the phone, greet people, strike up conversations, it's awesome! I'm like yaaaaaayyyy!

There's a lot of things I wish I knew sooner that I know now.

I'm actually working on putting together a website to explain what I have done so far and link to lots of resources. But to sum it up, here's the key things that I have found can help...

- Find your purpose in life (this will help you stay motivated to take action, for me that purpose was found in God)

- Seek out people who are interested in something you're passionate about and talk to them (for me I started going to church and that's where I met my best friends) - friends are very important as they will be your cheerleaders and support

- Go to counseling or therapy - see someone that has experience working with autistic disorders

- Take supplements to correct nutritional deficiencies as it can relieve some symptoms

- Take some communication training (I watch Dan O'Connor on YouTube, he has lots of great videos) this will give you social skills and confidence

- Personal development is a great way to change your life and find happiness

- Fidget toys (personally I use a keyring one and a fidget cube) can be helpful to provide comfort and help you focus

There's a lot of things out there that can help

Is there anything in particular that you are struggling with?

I also have felt like an alien and a robot..
I feel like I've missed out on so much in my life because of Asperger's, it's frustrating.

Hi. You were diagnosed at almost the same age I was. I am like Lisa.a, a 32 yr old diagnosed at 29.

You are correct in that it can be both relieving and depressing at the same time. As much as I often reflect on how it helps to have some kind of systematic explanation for how "different" I apparently am, the label does get me down sometimes, too. I get the sense that I sometimes use it as a "crutch" now and won't take the risk on as much responsibility, or do as much exploration, as I did in the past. There is something of a defeatist, "I'm not sure I can do that" mentality now. This isn't...really a great attitude to have. Yes, I may not be able to do some more advanced things, but that doesn't mean I should wallow in fear or timid doubt.

As far as tips, one thing I can tell you: don't disclose on the job unless absolutely necessary, or you're absolutely sure the person you're disclosing it to will be able to handle it properly. Disclosing to someone in a Special Ed department at a school (which seemed safe at the time!) caused a massive problem at my last job! The teacher complained about my disclosure to the substitute teaching department, and I got into a big fight with the district coordinator over it, who ended up firing me. Keep in mind that the average layperson still doesn't have much of an understanding of autism, let alone in how it can manifest in women. It makes them uncomfortable. Yes, even Special Ed teachers, apparently.

Hi 32 year olds (me too!) and MerryMarie
I'm awaiting diagnosis (Nov/Dec time hopefully) but am pretty sure I am on the spectrum.
I'd love any top tips/strategies for life!! !

I was also recently diagnosed. It's both a relief, and kind of a uhmmm...yikes, I actually have it? I've started going to some support groups and group therapy for autistics here in the community. I don't know if they will be helpful yet or not as it's still new, but it's nice to meet others on the spectrum

I too am newly diagnosed, just four days ago. I'm still processing and will be for awhile. I had suspicions for years but I thought after the testing they were just going to tell me that I'm weird. Turns out I'm weird and an aspie.

This is an excellent site that I stumbled upon a few months ago. The author has a couple of good books and a website that sells stimmy toys as well.
https://musingsofanaspie.com/

I was diagnosed with an ASD late last year. I sympathise with your comments about things from one's childhood suddenly making sense... Spent the rest of winter and most of spring trawling old memories with a horrible new take on my actions/encounters with others. The issue I fear with any late diagnosis of autism, male or female, is that it's natural to build emotional crutches to support yourself as you grow up... our encounters making it feel like the world is against us and not knowing why: the mind finds a reason why. I struggled with having those crutches kicked away with the 'new' explanation.
Everything feels very tangled in the beginning, but since November I've slowly come to accept that there are certain assumptions I've made about myself that simply aren't true, and certain things that I'm always going to struggle with. In all honesty, knowing about the ASD now puts my thoughts to a more logical pursuit of my goals. Instead of telling myself I performed badly at some task because of the depression and anxiety I have, which are broad but no longer omnipotent parts of my life, I'm identifying the events I struggle with such as communication, and making allowances for being anything less than, e.g. a stunning conversationalist.
I hope clarity comes quicker than it did for me and with the satisfaction of knowing this diagnosis can be a step forward to better understanding yourself.