I despise being female.

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I thought i'd post a rant about what i'm thinking about right now otherwise i'll be churning it over in my head all night and wont be able to relax. The problem is that I despise being female. I don't even like the fact that this is in "womens discussion". Such a title conjures up images of gossiping neighbours, drinking tea and pretending to like the people they're talking to.

I've always felt androgynous inside and I have heard that this is common in Aspergers females. I have even wondered if i'm transgendered and went through quite a tough few weeks when I was contemplating having a sex change. I have also wondered if I am lesbian or bi, but now I know that i'm not. I guess the best way to explain how I am is an androgynous straight person who challenges gender norms and roles. Dress wise, I tend to wear blazers and stuff alot. Often I wear mens clothes and look in mens shops. I wear make up and like to look somewhat feminine(like I said, andro) but I have to also represent my male side. I rarely wear skirts and dresses. My interests tend to be gender-neutral, though I am very interested in fashion(the wacky, eclectic, experimental kind, mostly mens fashion and I steer clear of anything overly feminine and the sort of stuff everyones wearing because so and so from The Saturdays wore it). My mannerisms and role I like to play are very androgynous, sometimes leaning to more the male side. However i'm definitely not butch or "sporty" in anyway. I do sometimes wish I was a man. I must admit, my heart breaks a bit when I see a guy with a beard, or a guy looking similar to how I wish I looked if I was male. I explain it as though often, when I see such a guy, I don't want to be WITH him, I want to BE him. And sometimes it feels very painful for me to know i'll never be that, I may even feel resentful of such an individual. I'll always be stuck being female and for me, that sucks.

I, in no way, am proud of being female. Everywhere I look, I see no reason to feel that. Women in the media, quite frankly, seem stupid. The worse part is, it's seen as "CUTE" for women to act dumb, and these people are happily acting that out? Well if so, maybe they're not acting at all. Many girls are total b**ches to each other and so now I only wish to make friends with tomboys and boys. I'm sick of the petty BS and drama that comes with "girly chats", "BFFs" and other cringeworthy female-oriented friendships. I even think b**chyness is encouraged by the media. I hate how women are supposed to be. Tottering around in heels, flicking their hair all over the place, using "like" after every other word, conforming to every standard placed upon them. It disgusts me and quite frankly, I am shocked that such women so happily conform to being just how they are supposed to be. I feel like women are just pretty little things to be picked up from bars and *****d. I feel many women are small and painfully inauthentic compared to men.

I also have, and always have had a strong aversion to female biology(one reason I realised I would not fare well being in a relationship with another girl). I just hate the way women look... down there. It creeps me out. I'm a bit embarrassed to say I've actually cried over it before :/

Men have a certain quality and energy to them that women just don't have, and even if they try, it just looks pretend and try-hard. I wish I had that quality too, but it doesnt translate well in female form. I don't want to be a butch girl, rather organically male. I feel that even if I did transition, I would feel cut up and stitched and created, left questioning if I was just an imitation. Extreme cosmetic surgery, if you will. In no way do I feel this about other transmen, just myself. Thinking that way makes me think it'd be best to just stay female, at least i'd be natural and "whole".

Anyway, this isn't how I feel all the time. But right now i'm thinking this. I'm not seriously considering transitioning at the moment, I think with time I could create a way for me to blend better... if you see what I mean. And i'm already almost there I guess as I dress and am quite andro. It's just these kind of thoughts seem to come to the surface a bit. I don't really know what I expect back from posting this, I guess I just needed an outlet. Apologies if I offended anyone, i'm aware not ALL women are how I described. If there's anyone reading this who could relate that'd be good and thanks for taking the time and patience to read my rant

The media is a mess of terrible stereotypes and poorly-written women characters. It's why I don't like the character Clara in Doctor Who, because her role is pretty much to be a plot device and to be secretly in love with The Doctor. There was another, more complex woman character who was similarly in love with him, but had a mixed-emotions background as someone who'd never quite found her place in the world and struggled to let go of the sense of adventure in being a space explorer to return to mundane life. Not a conventionally admirable character, but painfully real. I don't think such characters get enough appreciation.

Anyway, your opening paragraph makes me think you might have a negative reaction to the idea of women in itself from all the daft behavior you've seen. I didn't start becoming comfortable around women until I started meeting more women with stronger personalities, the ability to banter and not get offended, a love of big textbooks, and an appreciation for a weekend at home.

I feel the same way you do, except it's always constant. I dress the way The Kinks did in the 60s when the weather allows to hide my biological gender. I identify as Male on WP and with people who will allow it in real life.

It seems to me that your post boils down to "I hate the stereotypes associated with femaleness, and I don't like the thought of being associated with them:.

Well written, thanks for posting. I relate.

You sound pretty cool.

I like that you considered a sex change and then changed your mind.

To me there's simply a spectrum of female personalities that range from feminine to masculine and accepting yourself as just a girl thats towards the male side is part of accepting yourself. There's certainly nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean you should become a guy, some guys like female shapes with blunt male minds.

Im not saying that you shouldnt change your sex or anything, far from it, but i always figured that there must be people on the opposite side to me and thats just the impression i have, that you're someone like me thats got a touch of the opposite sex, but not enough to make it worth making serious changes to your life.

I think ive got the opposite, got a little feminine to my personality, and it took me a good while to accept it. I disliked and rejected a lot of things about being male for a long time.

Im happy with it now though. I know what you're talking about with men having a certain energy. I like being male. I will never make a convincing one in my manner irl but i make up for it by being very good at the things i do.

Unusual question, but how do you feel around gay women?

What kind of guys do you go for?

i'm not a stereotypical female. became a doctor. wear flats because they're healthier. not a gossiper. you need to meet more people. many women who are not tomboys are also not stereotypical females.

I'm far from being a female stereotype and I know some strong women, like my mother. If it wasn't for the "Monthly Blues" I wouldn't find being female that big of a deal. In fact, the more I see how men act the happier I am being female. I know it's also stereotyping but it seems that most men somehow are unaware that they should actually lift a finger and help out the women in their lives like my own parents do. They should know how to care of themselves when they become adults if not any sooner instead of expecting women to take care of them. But on the internet which is about the only place where I interact with most males, as I live in a very isolated community, they think they can say whatever they want no mater how sexist and evil it sounds. They think , that is if they think at all, that they don't say it right to your face they can get away with it. There are people now saying it wouldn't be the internet if people didn't troll and bully each other. STUPID. People are killing themselves because of what people say, and most men still think they have to treat women like sex slaves, maids and cooks because it's in their genes and they simply can't help it. And then then there are the women who have been raised to believe that tripe...

If women in history hadn't fought to have the same rights as men in spite of the fact that they could and often were jailed, tortured, and even killed we still wouldn't have the right to vote, play sports, drive cars, have paying jobs, go anywhere without a male escort or even wear pants. At least in this part of the world, there are still plenty of countries where women are not allowed to do anything and are lucky to live past their 40's (Like practically EVERY part of the Middle East. Oh sure okay yes, I'm being racist towards Middle Eastern People, or more accurately their religion, but why do women in this country go around dressed in robes and hoods if they don't have to? You don't see *me* going around with a giant Crucifix dangling from my neck and a bible in my front pocket. What a stupid, evil, horrible world.

This is somewhat of a different slant; I am a male and like you I consider myself as somewhat gender neutral. Because I am not married, am athletic and slim, I am considered gay (although I know I am not). I dispise the fact that most men feel they have to act macho like driving big trucks, like to hunt, wear goatees and other assorted machismo BS. I also feel that the male roles portrayed on TV make the man look like a cross between between a little boy and a HIMBO ( such as the man is totally helpless if he ever has to change a diaper, he can't cook and if he ever does anything for his children; it is always in an inept way) Maybe being gender neutral is somewhat of a gift, that person is not trapped into playing the typical roles their gender dictates,

I agree with this statement. I tend to make friends who are not stereotypical and although I like wearing skirts because I find them comfortable, I don't care one way or the other about what my gender is. I'm just me. I don't like being expected to do something because I'm female.

I think that we are more normal than people realise. There is a lot of pressure to conform to gender stereotypes from a young age and I think that people conform because they don't want to be different not becuase they actually like wearing high heels or talking about sports.

I used to wonder what it was about me that was different. Other girls in high school thought I was gay, but I thought about it and realised that I'm not attracted to women and I really like men, so that's not it. I think that I was different because the stereotypes made no sense to me. I didn't see the point in pretending to be something I wasn't just to conform. I still don't.

I used to go around the shops thinking that it would be so much easier to be a man because they had better clothes. I've since discovered ebay and I now choose clothes that reflect my artistic side. I've begun to view how people look as art, so rather than be jealous of how someone else looks I view them like I would view a painting I like and I create my own painting with my own look.

I am pretty happy with being female now apart from the menstrual problems of course.

Women doctors have been a usual thing for at least 30 years in the US. Most women wear flats most of the time.

You really hit the nail on the head. That's exactly like I feel. Not lesbian, not female either. I'm not really at home in any gender. I do not want to become a man. I don't like being a woman.

Its like I have to choose, and I don't want to do that either.

Worst yet, I am a 6 foot tall female. Just because I am, men fear me, everyone thinks I am a lesbian, or had sex reasignment. Like I used to be a male. Why would a perfectly good male want less pay and second class status, and the devils own torture shoes to wear!

I want to invent another gender, called "none of the above" what's that, a "nota"

So there is male, female, bi, gay, lesbian, transgendered, and nota.

We could start the NOTA alliance.

I'm getting dippy of course, but I've had things thrown at me from cars, and gender based curses screamed in my direction because I'm female, like jeans and boots, and short hair. (Its long right now).

I go out and get a 50 dollar haircut, and get bottles thrown at me because I am not adaquately "girly."


Effin eff is all I can say.

By the way, I also like mens jobs. I was a soldier, ran giant printing equipment, and am now a cowboy and wild life sculptor.

NOTAs are hellishly interesting people.

This is an interesting topic, thanks. I don't despise being female but don't feel comfortable with so many aspects of femaleness. It's almost as if there's a line drawn by society, on one side there's the conventionally feminine, straight and girly section and on the other the lesbian, butch, sporty end and if your qualities don't fit into one of those boxes you're viewed as a bit odd and should either just come out or surpress your personality and interests and be a good girl like everybody else! I'm not girly, spent 7 years at an all girls school which I hated and frequently felt like I just didn't fit in. Went to uni, thought 'to hell with all that' and spent most of my time hanging out with gay men which suited me quite well, the female rules of how to act and what to do weren't there but we could still have a good natter. Then left uni, decided that now I'd grown up a bit that I should try and get back in with a more girly crowd, tried very hard to do so for a while but then the old behaviours started returning, not fitting in - being questioned why I didn't enjoy dressing up, why I was happy to be at the advanced age of 26 without a boyfriend and to not be in a total meltdown because of it and just feeling more distant and left out. Today I've given up and am much happier for it. I do have some female friends but they are like me, not girly women who like the outdoors and adventure. Some of them are lesbians but tbh I have more in common with them as people. One thing that helped is I finally realised that girly women actually liked doing certain things, for a long time I beat myself up as I didn't want to dress up or wear make up (I was put under some pressure from family to do this as a teenager which probably didn't help) then one day I finally realised that it was something they genuinly wanted to do! Also I am a rubbish actress, if something or someone doesn't interest me I can't keep the act up for very long so it's just better to forget all the silly stereotypes and to just hang around with people who I get and get me, whoever they are.

I agree about Clara. She is not my favorite companion. Why do all the companions have to be in love with the Doctor? That's why I loved Donna, she was her own woman not just some young pretty girl that is in love with the Doctor

Clara. She is one of the most gorgeous looking women I've ever seen. She plays a good role too; the mystery surrounding her multiple appearances over several periods of time was very intriguing. Anyway, I gather that in the new series (not seen it yet) that Clara has a boyfriend