Autism?! What do you think

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Hi all. I'm a 30 year old female that hasstruggled for years with feelings/issues that I've never understood. My youngest son was diagnosed with pdd a few months ago and I've recently been slapped in the face with the idea that I too may be on the spectrum. I've not shared this with ANYONE, not even my husband. Heck, he doesn't even realize half of the stuff below goes on. I spent last evening compiling this list of things. What do you guys think? I'll also add that I've never had a language delay (quite the opposite), so I'd lean towards Aspergers (if that was still a technical diagnosis code). Any reply is appreciated:

- prefer routine and become agitated if it's not followed
- loud sounds agitate (currently the kids screaming or yelling (literally causes a reaction in my head) previously AC blasting in my private office at work)
- Poor memory
- can't recall simple facts or things I'm repeatedly explained or told -forget phone numbers instantly
- if I don't write down - it's forgotten
- can forget if I've completed a task moments after I've completed it
- trouble remembering to brush my teeth - started consistently at 18 when I got braces (then it became an obsession for a few yrs)
- Sensory
- grocery shopping (can't follow list, store makes me nervous/anxious and often dizzy or disoriented)
- ANY outing leaves me drained no matter the purpose or duration
- repetitive/obsessive
- tasks at home
- intense interests in topics
- heightened smell, hearing
- difficulty with simple tasks (a lot of effort and stress to complete them appropriately)
- cleaning toilet
- making coffee
- making beds
- every task is scrutinized and reviewed in my head before started
- often under stimulated. Need task to focus on or become listless, sad, depressed.
- trouble relaxing or focusing
- phone useage, keeps hands busy. Use it even without purpose, obsessively
- prefer to be totally covered clothing wise - during sleep and waking hours - comforting
- Stims
- tapping teeth and counting the taps/teeth very quickly
- humming
- fidget with earrings, bracelets, necklace
- brush, touch hair
- general fidgets
- cellphone fidgets
- sucked thumb til 13
- Talking
- too much on one topic (over share, even as a child) or not at all
- odd tone
- Socially
- can't maintain friendships
- difficulty with eye contact
- fixation (non sexual) with people
- failure to understand people's actions/intentions
- don't care for social norms
- was called weird by ex boyfriends mom for not wanting to do anything normal teenagers like
- need/crave social interaction but also prefer quietness and alone time
- social interaction exhausts me
- learn from observation, model others behaviors
- chameleon in life, focused on blending in
- Sexuality
- no interest, too difficult to maintain mentally
- a lot of work, many steps
- Clothing/shoes
- will buy and never wear or wait years, as I realize the shoe bugs me or shirt is itchy, not comfortable
- when I decide to wear new shoes it's a huge deal, all day
- HS and college - difficult to navigate, overwhelmed, uninterested, bored, no friends, no clique, no group to associate with
- Etc
- don't always understand jokes, take them literally
- overly sensitive but unable to share emotions
- unable to watch/read the news
- high pain tolerance
- sleep difficulty, comes in phases
- generalized anxiety over everything in life - no tasks comes easy, though I'm good at making it appear so
- phases of depression
- severe binge eating, no feeling of fullness
- obsessed with weight, appearance, health
- excessive meltdowns or crying spells
- brain always on over drive - always thinking, planning, obsessing
- have always felt like two different people - the me that I've created for the public and the real me that I hide
- always hidden most signs/symptoms, from everyone.
- activities that I enjoy become obsessions so I end up abandoning or avoiding the activity in effort to cope or manage (shopping, collecting, cooking, Legos, stamp collecting, jacks, pogs)
- often the shoulder for others to cry on - very logical therapeutical advice for others but it's all regurgitated/learned/modeled from others, no clue why people can't figure things out, even if I can't either
- horrible math skills, unable to concentrate quick enough in school to grasp the info - require more discussion, more explanation, can't visualize math
- can't share emotions, closed off
- wait for others to speak up in class or professional settings so I can figure out what people expect. Then regurgitate what I know they want to hear - usually disagree but can't verbalize why or how well enough
- wasn't interested in child activities - mom even says I acted like an adult as a child. Learned behavior, spent much time observing as a kid
- lies or exaggerations are common, as a child and adult
- often day dream a situation and it comes out of my mouth as if it happened - often times I barely realize and don't care that the story wasn't real or true
- severe feelings of isolation and loneliness - whole life
- constantly trying to figure other people out - often feeling that I've misread or misjudged someone - incredibly draining
- can only maintain 1 friendship at a time and each and every one ends eventually (no exceptions yet, other than husband)
- can't make decisions quickly if options aren't given (need quiet time alone to review choices)
- periods of intense sadness, intense mania, or intense lack of emotions (all are draining and leave me craving time alone to sleep or think)
- internalizing all of these issues (not showing it to the world) has left me deeply depressed, lonely


If you read all of that - you rock!

LK

I am not "officially" diagnosed, but your list is very familiar to me. If the label makes sense to you, use it to understand yourself and use the understanding to help you cope with things.