A males question

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Hello girls. Im 17, im male, I live in England. Please excuse me posting in this forum. but i am doing it for a reason. I need a females perspective and feedback on a paticular issue which i can't quite get my head around. I hope this is fine.

Ok, my situation is this. Most girls say im a sweet and caring guy, and that im kind, supportive and caring. Im devoted to my schooling and job, i want to get a good carrer and i am amibitious. And comments like that mean a lot, and i have nothing but respect for the opposite sex, and as a result i always try to treat them with dignaty and respect. However when i meet a girl who i really like, when she says such tihngs, she is always happy just being friends, sometimes they say they would like to date me, but they always go for the guys who only want them for sex, and after a week simply abandon them and leave them upset, so i try to support them. Im nto saying i would bonk anything on 2 legs. but what i canl;t understand is how they say im a nice guy who has a lot in common with them, but they won't entertain or try to have a relationship with me, even though they would know i would treat them with love, kindess and respect and not hurt or leave them after a week. it confuses and upsets me because i don't know if im doing something wrong or why girls just won't take the nice guy and have a happy life. I treat all women equally, but whenever i meet someone who i can relate too and care. I can't overcome that last barrier. I don't wish to force anyone into anything, i just need some understanding on the subject.

Again, i hope it is ok to ask this question, but i could use some understanding and help on this issue, at least to try to better myself. And i look forward to getting some feedback. Thanks in Advance

Chris

Hi,

From what I've observed, a lot of girls and young women tend to get more of a thrill from pursuing "bad boys", and when they find a nice guy (which is VERY difficult as most blokes adopt the "bad boy" persona to procure sex and impress other males) they don't want to risk losing his support and friendship by complicating things with a romantic relationship. There are exceptions to this, and they get more common as women mature. Most women try to opt for "nice guys" for their longer term relationships, so if you have a reasonable number of female friends, I think you'll have better luck once you're in your mid to late twenties or early thirties. I think you've got a better chance than you realise.

An analogy I've just thought of- casual sex and short term relationships with "bad boys" could be likened to fast food, whilst relationships with "nice guys" could be likened to proper food. The fast food is cheap, easy to obtain and offers instant gratification. Proper food may require more effort, but is ultimately more satisfying and desirable. Just as nobody can live on junk food forever and stay healthy, women who restrict themselves to relationships with "bad boys" tend to be either immature or emotionally unhealthy. Do you really want to date women like that?

I hope this helps.

Thanks r_mc, that really helps, and you have made it all so clear in my head. If thats the case, i hope the 20's will be a nice time. I would not want to date a woman who thrives on 'bad boys' all the time, as you mentioned. I do have a few female friends, and i've not put any pressure on them to date me. Even though i would have a lot to offer them.

But what you put does make sense, and i can understand and relate to it, my mind does feel at ease after reading, so thank you for your time

regards

Chris

Glad to be of help- I hope you have better experiences with women than I had with guys when I was your age. The world needs more guys like you.

Thank you for the compliment that does mean a lot to me, and i hope i can a girl my age who does appreciate me and care for me

May the sev be with you!

Thanks to you sev wide web!

Maybe the girls you like are a bit too immature and not ready for anything serious yet. It could be worth considering someone a little bit older than you (not by a huge amount but perhaps 2-3 years or so) as they might have a more mature outlook on life but still be careful.

i kinda like that fast food analogy lol

what kind of girls are you finding yourself attracted to? im sure there are many nice and respectful girls who are looking for the same in a partner.

i think people who don't know what they want (guys or girls), tend to go for the bad/naughty individuals of the other sex for shorter term "sexy" relationships just because they don't know what they want and can't really commit to anything more than sex... whether it's through a subconscious or conscious choice.

that being said, i think it's totally possible to show these girls what they want! did you ever ask them out on a date or maybe just offer to grab lunch or coffee or something with any of these girls? eventhough you respect them and all, you do have to show some "direct" interest... and there's nothing wrong with persistance either... ask them out maybe a couple times... but not too eagerly and maybe give some space in between attempts with the same girl. consoling them after one of these short-term relationships can be a good opener too... but be careful at first cause doing this can lead to YOU being the next object of their short-term desire (rebound guy)....

Oops, just remembered this topic, i better post a reply as i have had plenty of time to think.

Most girls i seem attracted too are ones who are kind and gentle, ones who can be good natured, funny, down to earth, but know when too far is too far, they pocess the ability to understand my plight and how i look at things. With some of those girls, i do eqnuire if they want to meet up, or grab a coffee, just friendly like. They usually say yes, but when i try to set it up, it all goes out the window and falters for reason i just don't get, it's not like im trying to get into thier pants as i said, i always treat females with dignity and equallity, something i know is important and just. I've tried by best to show interested, that girl i posted aboit in my other topic, (The one who i had that liason with last week) has not really shown interested back, she loves listening to me and spending time with me, but does not love me, although at 16 i can only guess shes still trying to sort herself out as far as growing up is concerned, with raging hormones and maturity is concerned.

Although last night i pulled myself away from the football to come and help a female friend who was haing guy trouble, we chatted and i tihnk i helped, she said she did not ened guys hitting on her, she just needed a friend, i replied i was a friend, i was here, i got a hug. so im sure girls achknowledge my support and trust, i guess they need people to be a constant prescene without the threat of losing them especially during puberty.

Although, i will admit i've tried looking at older women, in thier early 20's, although, no such luck to be quite honest not really seen or found anyone.

I have also tried looking at dating sites, not because im desperate, but because i feel it might be easier to find someone without some of the hassle i know Aspies can find unnerving, my dad seems to disapprove, cine he says im just getting desperate. Although at 18 i don't see what i have to lose and i see no harm in trying any good sites i might find appropriate, besides AA, im on there and looking

hit back someone

Chris

I don't mean to sound snide, but stop running after self-destructive flakes who don't know what they want and this won't happen.

Who knows exactly what they want when they're 18?

Thank you! im still only 18, besides, i try to get to know the girl, then I decide if there is a possible relationship.

That sounds like a reasonably mature strategy, I hope you have the best of luck!

Thank you

out of curiosity, any good dating sites i might find useful? nes which would seem appropriate for aspies, im already on AA, but any others?

I don't know any. I tried one a couple of years ago (I think it was Dating Direct) but didn't get on very well. I had lots of replies from men looking for sex, and when I did eventually find someone who seemed reasonable, I didn't really take to him when we met up. Had we met under ordinary circumstances things might have been different, but the whole thing just seemed "forced" if you see what I mean. Not for me, but maybe you'll have better luck.