Anyone Feel Like She is in Competition with Neurotypicals

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I recently set up a Twitter Account (I am still wondering why I did that). I see these posts from neurotypical women and find myself feeling like I'm in competition with them. I do not look like other women and really cannot relate to them. They always appear to be prettier, more confident, etc. Anyone have this dilemma?

Always!

I look at posts on Facebook, Twitter and I'm always comparing myself to others and ending up as the one who is inferior.

These people are more popular than I am, prettier, have a better job, more talented, did better at school. My solution, i thought would be to cut these people out of my life but I can't cut everyone out of my life. I've never known how best to handle it.

All my life and it affects relationships now. When I get upset with my partner or over something, my first thing to say is that maybe he should go find a neurotypical woman. I feel like I'm inferior in a ways, social skills, looks (although people consider me attractive), being smart in the 'right' ways, earning power, ability to wear makeup and uncomfortable clothes, ability to please parents. the list just goes on and on and on. It sucks. My counselor gave me a thought evaluation worksheet to do and help me work on that.

All my life and it affects relationships now. When I get upset with my partner or over something, my first thing to say is that maybe he should go find a neurotypical woman. I feel like I'm inferior in a ways, social skills, looks (although people consider me attractive), being smart in the 'right' ways, earning power, ability to wear makeup and uncomfortable clothes, ability to please parents. the list just goes on and on and on. It sucks. My counselor gave me a thought evaluation worksheet to do and help me work on that.

Alot of the time - never learnt how to dress not good with makeup and I know I come across as abit agressive and can't do gilry- one female colleague actually described me as a Bulldog - Kid of backfired a bit as it identified me as someone worth talking to for other colleagues

I am starting to learn to see the whole picture - my strengths are less superficial and it would be harder for my NT colleague to match up to those which gains me the respect of my colleagues despite my quirks

Thank you so much for all the feedback. On the positive side, I have a dog who loves me unconditionally and.

I can sort of get what you mean. It seems to be a pervasive concern among autistics to compare themselves with neurotypicals. I know I have tried to mask my symptoms before and I'm certainly very competitive, however I don't think I can relate to this entirely.

I don't get so concerned about men or women choosing NT's over me for sex or romance (then again, I'm not really interested in romance). I don't really worry about getting approval from others about passing as NT. I mean, I'm human - I do seek validation and approval from others at times and its not like I haven't been jealous of people. However I am primarily concerned with my career. I want my peers to give me feedback on my skills so that I can improve. But in interpersonal pursuits, I don't care about one upping my NT friends or worry too much about fitting in.

My friends accept me for who I am, so I don't need to compensate for anything. Though I guess it helps that few of my friends are neurotypical and that the social groups I associate with are generally eccentric.

I'm NT, so you can take this for what it's worth...

But everyone feels in competition sometimes.

How old are you? As I got older, I found this feeling lessened.

You do NOT have to wear uncomfortable clothing to look nice. I've never been able to do the uncomfortable shoe thing or clothing. You just have to find your own style.

And if you're comparing yourself to other women on Twitter, then you're not using Twitter the right way.

"Facebook is for getting laid. Twitter is for getting paid." Use it to develop professional and interest networks. Unless your interest is in looking great and being vapid then you shouldn't have a problem.

I don't consider other woman prettier or more confident. I'm good looking and confident - I just don't wear make up as they do so I might not look that pretty but I would if I had make up on. So who cares?

But I feel somehow falling behind when I see people I know getting married, finding jobs, giving birth to children... The feeling is especially strong when I see my cousins life. He is 14 now, 11 years younger than me and he already has been in love 3 times, is currently dating a girl a year older than himself and he is "head over heels" for her. He also hangs out with his friends to the mall and fireplaces. He drinks alcohol with them and tries to smoke. Screwed up NT children... In his age I was "head over heels" for Harry Potter books and in depression due to bad social life. All girlfriend/boyfriend things I knew were jokes of my bullies. And even right now, despite being 25 year old I am still less advanced socially than he(14) is. I have never even kissed yet!

I have a friend who is also on the spectrum but she says I am always trying to "outdo" her or "one up" her. It's not the case at all...

I'm 28 and it's gone through spells when I've been less likely to compare myself but unfortunately, last year was pretty tough for me for many reasons and it seemed to me like all I was seeing was people being able to do the things I couldn't, succeeding in things when I was failing, doing the 'normal' thing like settling down in relationships when I've never wanted to. It almost seemed to make me feel like I was even more of a 'freak'.



A lot of the people on Twitter that I was comparing myself to are people who like the same singer as me and they're there tweeting about their special memories of meeting him. When I met the singer and I've met him five times I've barely been able to say hello to him because I've been so nervous, let alone have a conversation with him so it just became a reminder of what I believe to be my own failings.

(reposted because I noticed a few mistakes in my own words and it was driving me mad)

The only time I feel this way is when comparing what I post on FB or talk about with what "NT women" normally post or talk about. It seems that most of the ones I know are more into posting pics of themselves, posting fun stuff only, etc. I also see how they seem to have no opinion on most things that are controversial and thus at least in my circle, they are the women most men like. They like that they are quiet, reserved, do not speak their mind, etc?which honestly, at my age, I don't care about anymore. I would rather be autistic and not fit in with their superficial ways, than be like them. It DOES make life more lonely and difficult, but I am getting used to it more everyday. I have little respect for women whose focus in life is fashion, taking pics of themselves or some other meaningless thing and don't speak up or have no opinions of their own.

I can't post on FB or twitter about my breakfast or weekend plans or even my past holiday sailing in the Mediterranean - which I am honestly still excited about. Just not the kind of topics I discuss. I'd rather talk about what we could do with the carcass of the whale that washed up on the beach close to my home - because I've been thinking that the skeleton would make awesome garden pieces and how we can get it here before the tide washes it away again.

Competition is something that I don't often feel but I have often felt shunned because other people have felt threatened by me. I know I am reasonably attractive, hot-ish body (according many male & female's standards), IQ of 170 and good at art, athletics, dancing, music, ... So other females have taken me apart on emotional and social front especially at school. My way of coping has been to withdraw back then. Initially to just hide away, but in more recent years learning to find myself and ignoring other female's opinions. Continually affirming that it doesn't matter and that I don't care. Being confident or faking confidence as I have observed and modeled over the last 15 years has given me enough edge that people don't seem to look for trouble with me so often any more. I also had the low self esteem in the beginning (depression/anxiety/OCD/anorexia/claustrophobia...) so believe me I get feeling worthless. I just faked it until I could carry it off. And now I wonder why I ever thought like that.
All this being said, it has been extremely energy intensive and time consuming to get where I am today. I get tired just thinking about the whole process. Also my social deficiencies were diagnosed VERY recently. Had I been pertinently aware earlier I might have made a different career choice.

No I actuallt think I am prettier than most women. I have quite the X factor.
But yes I am jealous if NT women for their confidence and their resiliance.

"You are not in competition with each other! Repeat. You are not in competition with each other!- Marge Simpson


I don't feel the need to compete with people. I don't see the point.

As an NT woman who often appears confident - I'm not - certainly not about looks or attraction.