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androbot01
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01 Oct 2014, 2:35 pm

So my straight male friend and I were talking (I'm a straight female) about clothing and I remarked that I don't wear a bra unless it's a dress-up occasion because I find them to be too uncomfortable (and for me unnecessary.) So he says, "And I thank you for it."
I was slightly irked by his comment because I couldn't care less if he finds my breasts attractive and I found it to be a little presumptuous on his part to assume I do. Or was he just being playful and funny. I have already made it clear to him that I don't see romance in our future and believe us to be continuing as friends.



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01 Oct 2014, 3:11 pm

I am a man, I would hold the view that the comment was not something I would feel would be right for me to say to a female friend.

To my mind it is crossing a line, some of my friends are women. I have no interest sexually in them as I am happily married. To make a comment to a woman which indicates that you have been looking at her in a sexual way is something which will change the relationship between you for ever. Instead of being just friends you will either become lovers or she will view you are having made an unwanted advance towards her.


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androbot01
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01 Oct 2014, 3:29 pm

Yeah . . . it did make me feel awkward.



dilanger
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01 Oct 2014, 3:59 pm

men...never just want to be friends.



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01 Oct 2014, 4:17 pm

I probably would have taken it as a playful remark that draws on the stereotypical notion of straight men being very enamoured of breasts.


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androbot01
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01 Oct 2014, 6:32 pm

Moonranch wrote:
I probably would have taken it as a playful remark that draws on the stereotypical notion of straight men being very enamoured of breasts.


But now I'm aware of him looking at me sexually whereas before I was unaware that he even noticed. Bother. Does this mean that I should wear a bra to prevent men from being sexually aroused by me? That's annoying.



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02 Oct 2014, 7:52 am

androbot01 wrote:
But now I'm aware of him looking at me sexually whereas before I was unaware that he even noticed. Bother. Does this mean that I should wear a bra to prevent men from being sexually aroused by me? That's annoying.


But if he meant it as a joke then he may not be looking at you sexually. I'm kind of struggling to see why it really matters either way, to be honest. Humans can find each other attractive and view others in a sexual way -- is that really a big deal? Is it wrong? I'm sure men get sexually aroused by women who wear bras too.


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02 Oct 2014, 8:06 am

You really can't say these sort of things to straight guys. He probably was just being playful but most straight guys both aspie and NT guys would see your comment about the bra as a possible tease or a not so direct want of sex with them. They're hard-wired like that. A gay guy who is in to fashion sees your comment as a clothing-comfort issue just like a woman would. Straight guys see a bra as something they need to be skilled at in taking off of you. In your case, it's already off. The gay guys see the bras as something to put on you to make your outfit look more fine-lined. The straight guys think you look better with nothing on at all - cloths are in the way. If you're a straight guy and you are friend-zoned, it means that the girl wasn't interested in you. If the guy is still sticking around, it means he's still interested in you and waiting it out until you come to your senses (in his mind). I think it's a bit vain to keep a straight guy you're uninterested in around as a friend. It's kind of like telling your gal pals that he wants me but I don't want him. Do you really need your ego stroked that much? A gay guy friend is a totally different story. Straight guys don't want our friendship, they want to get in. It's not just your breasts he finds attractive. He likes it all. Why torture this poor guy?? You're turning him into a nun. Nuns are nuns because they don't get nun.



androbot01
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02 Oct 2014, 9:50 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
You really can't say these sort of things to straight guys. He probably was just being playful but most straight guys both aspie and NT guys would see your comment about the bra as a possible tease or a not so direct want of sex with them.


I hadn't thought of that - it's quite possible he thought I was flirting with him.

RightGalaxy wrote:
If you're a straight guy and you are friend-zoned, it means that the girl wasn't interested in you. If the guy is still sticking around, it means he's still interested in you and waiting it out until you come to your senses (in his mind). I think it's a bit vain to keep a straight guy you're uninterested in around as a friend. It's kind of like telling your gal pals that he wants me but I don't want him. Do you really need your ego stroked that much?

Not really. In fact he knows I am involved sexually with another partner. I don't think it's my ego so much as my loneliness - plus I enjoy his company. Why should I have to have sex with a guy to spend time with him when all I want is to just hang out?



androbot01
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02 Oct 2014, 9:55 am

Moonranch wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
But now I'm aware of him looking at me sexually whereas before I was unaware that he even noticed. Bother. Does this mean that I should wear a bra to prevent men from being sexually aroused by me? That's annoying.


But if he meant it as a joke then he may not be looking at you sexually. I'm kind of struggling to see why it really matters either way, to be honest. Humans can find each other attractive and view others in a sexual way -- is that really a big deal? Is it wrong? I'm sure men get sexually aroused by women who wear bras too.


I suppose that's true.



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02 Oct 2014, 10:15 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
You really can't say these sort of things to straight guys. He probably was just being playful but most straight guys both aspie and NT guys would see your comment about the bra as a possible tease or a not so direct want of sex with them. They're hard-wired like that. A gay guy who is in to fashion sees your comment as a clothing-comfort issue just like a woman would. Straight guys see a bra as something they need to be skilled at in taking off of you. In your case, it's already off. The gay guys see the bras as something to put on you to make your outfit look more fine-lined. The straight guys think you look better with nothing on at all - cloths are in the way. If you're a straight guy and you are friend-zoned, it means that the girl wasn't interested in you. If the guy is still sticking around, it means he's still interested in you and waiting it out until you come to your senses (in his mind).


This.

Quote:
I think it's a bit vain to keep a straight guy you're uninterested in around as a friend. It's kind of like telling your gal pals that he wants me but I don't want him. Do you really need your ego stroked that much? A gay guy friend is a totally different story. Straight guys don't want our friendship, they want to get in. It's not just your breasts he finds attractive. He likes it all. Why torture this poor guy?? You're turning him into a nun. Nuns are nuns because they don't get nun.


Not this. She's made it clear to him she's not romantically interested. She should however be aware that he's likely to ditch her as a friend at some point, when he realises you won't "come to your senses".


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Last edited by smudge on 02 Oct 2014, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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02 Oct 2014, 10:15 am

As a straight male, I believe he was just joking.

There is the potential, though, for this straight male to feel attractive to you (for being you, rather than merely the fact that you don't wear a bra).



androbot01
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02 Oct 2014, 10:23 am

Okay, I think I'm getting what happened. I mentioned not wearing a bra not thinking that bras are a red flag in male sexuality. His response in this light is predictable. My bad.
I'll have to see where our relationship goes, but I have been clear on my expectations. He may get bored with me because of this. Not much I can do about that.



kraftiekortie
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02 Oct 2014, 10:58 am

What I would do is turn this into humor--by saying: "I hope you don't get the wrong idea" with a smile on your face, or a little smirk. Then say something about how your bra constricts you. I know that bras could be quite constricting to women.

LOL....at least ladies (and gentleman, by the way) don't have to wear corsets any more. Talk about constricting!



androbot01
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02 Oct 2014, 11:04 am

I have been told by some women that they need the support. I don't. lol

I usually try to wear a vest or something so people don't know I'm braless, but the other day I put on this sweater vest and it was more form fitting than I expected. A number of men did check me out. It was a bit embarrassing. So what do you guys think - should I wear a bra even though I don't need one, so as to not attract unwanted attention? I guess it comes down to which is more uncomfortable - the bra, or the being checked out.



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02 Oct 2014, 11:12 am

I believe the vast majority of men (while they might think certain things, which are normal things), possess the restraint not to ACT, or even to express these thoughts to ladies. We are in a civilized society, after all--despite allegations to the contrary.

I would go with what's comfortable, if I were you. Forgot all those idiots who make cat calls or comments. You have the right to be comfortable.

It should be remembered that, in many societies, women go bare-breasted without being bothered at all. It's seen as being natural--like a man going bare-chested.