I want a baby but not Autistic baby

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Now that I am happy with a partner I am thinking of having a baby in a couple of years time, if we're still together. But knowing my luck, the baby will probably turn out Autistic, and I don't want that. I just don't want to bring a child with an ASD into an NT world.

The faulty gene is on my mum's side of the family. My boyfriend doesn't seem to have a faulty gene, well he might have but not that I know of. I've met his family and they all seem to be getting on well in life. I'm hoping that our baby will get given that gene.

With today's technology, is there a way you can have some sort of test or something while you are pregnant to see if the baby has Autism? I know there are tests for Down's Syndrome, which I wouldn't want my child to have either. But I particularly don't want a child with Autism. I know I'm an Aspie but I am good with bonding with NTs, my NT mum has been able to bond with me since birth, and my NT boyfriend can share a bond with me too, so I know I will be able to bond with my own NT child.

I'm glad I was born. I'm happy to be alive. I like being on the spectrum, because it makes me different. Being different isn't a bad thing.

AS is passed mostly by the father so the chances of you passing it on to your child is small. You can ask your significant other if there is anyone in his family 3 generations past who suffered from any sort of mental issues... schizophrenia, chronic depression, autism, etc. This is important because it can indicate if your S.O. may be a passive gene carrier .. you + him = higher chance of AS offspring. In your case it was probable that your mother's dad or grandpa had AS and she either was AS or had the passive gene..and your dad was AS or was also a passive gene carrier.

Lucky for you though, in this day and age you can actually get genetic tests done on both of you to determine those chances. Its not an exact science yet but you can at least get a ballpark number.

AS is not, inevitably, passed on.

It's not a disorder which is totally randomly acquired--though it sometimes it is I am a prime example: NO ONE in my family, on both sides, has even a HINT of autism. This goes back quite a few generations on my father's side, and back to my grandparents on my mother's side (although I know very little about my maternal grandfather).

I believe a "predisposition" towards autism/Asperger's is passed on, not the disorder itself, necessarily.

Even so, having autism/Asperger's is not necessarily bad. It'll cause problem, but they could be overcome with the right parenting. Autism/Asperger's does not preclude success.

This is a shame that this thread has appeared, I think that the desire to have a NT baby and not a AS baby devalues autistic life.

I am glad to be alive, I am a person worthy of life. Maybe you should reconsider your view by considering all the things which are worse than a child with AS. Imagine a NT child who grows up to be a rapist, murderer or a professional car thief.

Well according to some of the media here, Autistics are murderers.

And nobody on my dad's side has a hint of Autism. But there are a few distant relatives on my mum's side who have been diagnosed with Asperger's, Also one of my first cousins on my mum's side has a few Asperger's traits. But Autism doesn't seem to run on my dad's side. So I don't know where I got my Asperger's from. Perhaps I bumped my head really hard when I was a toddler.

I do think Autism does easily get passed down. There seems to be SO many members here who are Aspie parents and have at least one Autistic/Aspie child. So it's made me think.

Yes I know a lot of people will say that I shouldn't be afraid to have an Autistic child etc etc etc, but I don't want an Autistic child. Everything's got to revolve around the Autistic child otherwise it will have a meltdown. I just want a child who develops typically, can communicate with me, can go to school and make friends, etc. And the child might be unhappy because it might want to be like all the other kids, even if I try to do my best to make sure the child is loved the way he/she is. My parents were great, but I was still unhappy with my diagnosis all my life, even though I'm only mild Asperger's.

There is no single gene responsible for Asperger and there also seem to be different genes responsible for autism in males and females. I'm not a specialist but from what I see it looks like there is a few strong genes in males but a huge set of weak genes in females that cause autistic traits.

In my dad family side the female autistic genes run wild, my aunt is autistic(classic), one of her two sisters got a few traits and one of the sister daughters seem to develop some traits too (the other one and the daughter of NT aunt are 100% NT) although not enough to get AS diagnosis (btw, the father of the girl with traits seem to be mild HFA). I'm not sure about my grandma, I have trouble recognizing the traits in old people since old people have mind and body problems on their own, autistic or not. But she does good with people and got friends although she spends her whole day in front of TV nowadays (sick legs).
My dad and male cousin seem to be NT however my dad seem to have borderline personality disorder, and the cousin stutters(if that is important). I don't really remember my grandpa but as far I know he was much like my father.

On my mothers side there is no autism as far I know but gene of prosopagnosia and different sensory perception are active. There was something wrong with my grand-grandma (mother mother side) though - a messed up personality but it doesn't sound like Asperger, rather narcissistic.

Nearly everyone is born with something that makes them unusual in some way and life will not always be easy for them... or at least it shouldn't be. And you should accept your child no matter what because a mother's love is supposed to be unconditional. Looks like you're not meant to be a mother.

This brings back memories of the girls I went to high school with who didn't want me in their NT world, just because I didn't want to be a clone.

Well..chances of having an autisic baby are 50/50 esspecially since autism is genetic if you are able to diagnose an autistic fetus you can always abort it and try again.

You don't choose what type of kid you get. That's the risk you take when you get pregnant. Your kid may be a genius who discovers a world-changing fact or invention, they may be a serial killer, they may be a superstar, they may have a severe medical condition that causes them a lifetime of pain and an early death, and yeah, they may be on the spectrum. You want a kid, you gotta deal with that.

Children can tell when their parent resents them, my mother treats me like crap because I'm not what she wanted. Do your hypothetical kids a favor and don't have them.

Every child is a gift from God. I feel that it's wrong to abort an unborn baby just because it's not perfect. Everybody deserves a birthday. The aborting of an autistic fetus also devalues the life of autistic people. It's not any more justifying to abort an unborn baby just because it has a disability. When I think about the stuff that Hitler did to people who were not "perfect", I'm beginning to think that we haven't come a long way since those days at all. I apologize if I've offended anyone. I've been asked many times by my peers in elementary school why my parents didn't have an abortion when they were pregnant with me. A few years later when I found out what that word meant, I felt very angry inside.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 05 Sep 2014, 9:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

The chances of even two autistic parents having an autistic baby are NOT 50/50.

Autism/Asperger's is not heritable in a Mendelian sense.

Then how come so many ASD parents here seem to have at least one child on the spectrum?

Also, I am not dissing Autistic people. I just don't want to bring a child with an ASD into this world. If the child has mild Asperger's like me, it might not get the support it needs because it is not ''disabled'' enough, and has more chance of getting bullied through school, which might make it unhappy, and the last thing I want is an unhappy child who hates it's life and asks me every day why it was ever born, which breaks my heart. Yes I know NT children can be bullied but a child on the spectrum has got more chance of being bullied and having no friends through school. If the child is more moderately Autistic, it may or may not be let into a special school depending on which symptoms affect the child the most. But the aggression and outbursts are scary for me, especially with Autistic men. I used to have outbursts which involved shouting, swearing, crying and hitting myself in the head angrily, and it scared my mum. Luckily I've gone on meds and they have stopped my rage outbursts, but meds might not work for everybody.

I've known parents who have their child diagnosed with Autism, and the mum becomes very emotional like it's a bad thing. I don't think it's a bad thing, but Autism seems to affect the whole family for some reason, like it's contagious. A lot of families who I know or have heard of who have an Autistic child, the Autism seems to affect the NT children for some reason, making them into sensitive, prone-to-depression introverts, and makes the parents (especially the mother) more stressed out. My brother is NT but has turned into a very depressed, introverted adult who my mum has ended up worrying more about than me. I often blame myself for other people's emotional problems because I feel like my Asperger's has caused it over the years. And I think I will be living in guilt for the rest of my life for being a problem child through childhood, making my mum stressed and emotional. And when a child is severely Autistic, I feel like nothing's ''normal'', and that you can't enjoy a nice family outing without a chance of some massive meltdown over something even I might not be able to quite know what's going on in his or her mind, and I could still be changing nappies when the child is 10, when all I want my child to be doing is going to school, bringing a little mate home for tea sometimes, going out to play on his or her bike, all that sort of stuff. Some Autistic children are really, really unhappy inside but are unable to express it, and sometimes the parents try to do all they can to make them know they're loved but not all Autistic children like to be cuddled or talked to, etc. It just feels like having an Autistic child is like an ongoing battle, and sometimes it can make you feel so depressed when your child is unhappy and is also hard work for you and your husband when you don't quite know what to do.

I get what you mean. You make good points.

However, if you happen to have an autistic child, you could make use of your experiences in making it easier for your autistic child to survive in the world.

Many autistic people have special abilities which they could make use of in the "real world." All they need is guidance when they are growing up.

There is a genetic component to ASD's--but, like I said, it's not an inevitability for an ASD parent to bear an ASD child.

There are also a lot of children on the spectrum who are happy to be alive, who don't hit, swear and cry. There are also children on the spectrum who do like to be hugged and cuddled. Not all people on the spectrum are unhappy to be alive.

Autism Speaks does not speak for me.