Have people ever asked if you were abused?

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Different people have asked me this over my life. It's come up three times. Specifically, they have asked if I was sexually abused or raped. The first was when people accused my father of it when I was a kid (he never did that I remember). The other two times were when I was a teenager and as an adult recently.

They seem to think shyness and awkwardness with being touched means this.

Has anyone asked you this?

I've had people refuse to believe that I didn't have any traumatic experiences in my early years.

How can they know that? They didn't know you then!

I hate it when anyone asks me this. What is considered abuse? Does two months of my life count as abuse when we had a mean nanny or having a daycare teacher who didn't understand me and she was all wishy washy or being verbally abused by other kids and getting harassment and teachers treating me different and having double standards?


Only people who should be asking me this are therapists and doctors or psychiatrists, anyone who is qualified to ask.

I've been asked by a well meaning person who missed the signs in someone in their life years earlier, and ever since had been on the lookout.

Acting withdrawn (or shy) is one of the symptoms, as is fear of being touched. To someone looking in from outside, resistance to hugging or a dislike of hugging, could easily appear to have a fear or pain element, even though in your case it's more of a sensory thing.

My best friend is a psychologist, she's said before about me:

The two who asked me were well meaning but it just makes me wonder what other people are thinking who don't have the nerve or opportunity to ask.

I am not particularly worried about people thinking that, I just find it interesting how people can interpret things so differently depending on their own experiences or knowledge. I do this too, of course, but I try not to and try to explore all possibilities.

That must be insulting or frustrating or unsettling to have people refuse to believe your own experiences, that you weren't traumatized.

People actually do this? That is such an odd thing. I can understand asking if somebody is feeling depressed or if they have some kind of personal issue that they are struggling with, but to jump straight to abuse? That's just a weird leap

First boyfriend one day out of the blue (after we broke up) asked, with wide blue eyes and a quavering voice: "Who hurt you?"

Uh, no one. Or everyone? Society? Or wait, no one. It's just who I am. Seriously, what do you say to that?

By the way, second boyfriend's pet name for me was "Spock," and not in a cute way. (I physically do not resemble Leonard Nimoy.)

Anyway, it's stuff like what the second boyfriend said (which I had heard all my life from everyone all the time) that probably led to whatever the first boyfriend saw in me to ask the question.

Both of them, with respect, can go to hell. I married a nice man who doesn't call me names or ask what's wrong with me when I'm just being myself.

Outside of being an obligatory question whenever I'm evaluated by a psychiatrist, I've had a couple of people ask me such based solely on the fact that I flinch whenever somebody talks to me or approaches me. To the best of my knowledge, though, I've never been abused.

Some people are going to see the results of abuse everywhere, even when there wasn't any. They are the people who constantly suspect that someone was abused if they aren't touchy feely type people or if they are standoffish or hate confrontation. If someone else doesn't fit into whatever mold they have thought up, then the only reason must be that they were abused somehow in the past. These folks can't understand that somebody could be very different from how they believe people should think and act. They are also usually the same people who see anything unpleasant as abuse or bullying. There seems to be no middle ground with them, someone is either wonderful, polite and nice or they are an abusive, manipulative bully. They have no room in their ideology for the concept of rudeness or unpleasantness.

It's not just people that they see abuse of either. Back when I worked at the vets office we would see people like that quite often. They would get a dog from the pound and if the dog was jumpy about anything at all, then they would say "I just know this dog was abused before! Look how he flinches when I grab his paw/try to pick him up/brush him/anything at all the dog doesn't like." Again, it's an example of how some people believe that there are only a limited number of reactions and thought processes and that anything outside of them can't be someone's normal personality but must have been caused by past trauma.

I wouldn't pay them any attention if I were you. When somebody is determined to believe that you were abused, there is nothing you can do to change their mind. Just remember that it's not just you, they more than likely see it in most people too.

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Once: Guy was abused by his dad and was absolutely convinced I was also. I was not.

People might think that due to social phobias, general anxiety, depression, rage attacks. it's people who were abused as children who often suffer from rage attacks. rocking is also something people do when severely distressed. and i've been told i have such a sad look in my eyes. the aspie look is detached and faraway, which some people mistake for sadness.

I haven't been playing rugby this year, but I when I was I would often get 'the look' - a mixture of sympathy and curiosity and helplessness - because I was often heavily bruised - including sometimes on my face (I got smashed in the face really, really bad and had to go to A&E to make sure I didn't have a radial fracture)

I think it's better when people straight up ask. I think it's great that people are looking out for others. It's a lot better than 'the look'.

It was always great being back at my rugby club when I had facial injuries - because it was the one place that people would just laugh it off - and ask who'd done my 'make-up'.