Experiences of menstruation as a teenager

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A young lady with whom I work is experiencing difficulty attending school - especially during her period. The Attendance Officer is disinclined to treat her any differently from all the other girls at the school and has commented that she herself experiences cramps but still goes into work.
Comments please!

I may be completely off the mark here but I think that your approach to this young lady and her difficulty attending school depends on whether it is based purely on physical limitations like cramps and other symptoms or has an emotional connection as well.

I am a biological female but identify as genderqueer which means that I consider my gender identity to be outside of the traditional male/masculine or female/feminine binary. I had and continue to have very little support in this particular facet of my identity and the deprivation of that support compounded the existing difficulty of puberty and adolescence for me.

If her inability to attend school during menstruation stems from physical reasons, it might be wise to advise her to seek a medical exam in order to rule out conditions like endometriosis that can worsen the side effects of periods. If she has one, she might need specialized medicine or treatment to manage her condition and improve her symptoms enough to attend school regularly.

She might also want to inquire about the possibility of going on hormonal birth control as that can help to alleviate painful or difficult periods. It could also allow her to have more control over when she has her periods (depending on the form) which may improve her attendance rate as well as her state of mind if there is an emotional issue (like identity) at play here as well.

I don't think that the attendance officer is doing her any favours either so I commend you for wanting to help this girl. The administrative staff at my school were in charge of attendance and some of them had that "toughen up" attitude that this attendance officer seems to be displaying. I think it served to make the absent student feel guiltier about missing school and little else.

If those are just "first day cramps" I suggest just letting her skip school on that day. I remember always leaving school early on my first day due to cramps. My parents were justifying my absence afterwards. I couldn't focus on the lessons anyway and all I wanted was to get to my room. It took me a few years to find a medicine that works for my 1st day cramps so no painkiller was helping back then and I couldn't control my pain as I can now. I could only sit and cry.

However if she still skips school despite not feeling the pain anymore you should make sure she feels comfortable with her protection. As a teenager I was very scared of the blood leaking and people seeing it on my jeans. So I was using the biggest sanitary towels - with wings - and wearing a tunic over my jeans during my whole period.

She also shouldn't be forced to attend sport classes during the period if she doesn't feel like it. I'm not sure if it really affect health in any way but girls in my schools were always allowed to skip sport classes during their periods and they also didn't have to change in their sportswear then. Some were even pretending they have period just to skip. It was quite fun - sometimes teacher was asking the girls sitting on bench if they really think he is going to believe that a half of girls in our class are currently having their periods but he was not allowed to check it so he couldn't punish any of them.
Personally I couldn't even imagine myself attending sports class during first a few days of period. The feeling of blood leaking whenever I moved was really uncomfortable.

I can relate to the girl's problem. I have experienced some excruciatingly painful periods since I started menstruating. I was only recently diagnosed (at 29) with endometriosis after surgery. This may be what the girl in your post has.
I was actually extremely relieved to have the diagnosis as it proved to others that my pain had been real. In fact, I knew I had endometriosis but I had the operation (risky because I have a lot of allergies) because I wanted the doctors to take my problems seriously and for validation in general really. People tend to think it's all in your head- I have come across so many people like the teacher you mentioned who said she gets cramp but she manages to work anyway. These people lack the ability to understand that everyone feels things at different levels and that pain levels do not always correspond to how the sufferer appears, so the girl may appear as if she is just a bit uncomfortable when she really is in a lot of pain.
The teacher should understand that she is probably experiencing much more extreme distress than she can talk about- this is a very embarrassing subject for girls, especially for girls with autism. I could never, ever talk about my periods as a teen or young adult, even with my mum or doctor. When I am in pain or distress i either hide it very well or it can appear "put on" at times when I do tell someone, but it has a huge impact on my ability to function and concentrate and if I don't try to rest it can take 2 weeks to recover.
I have read accounts of women who said labour pains were nothing compared to a bad endometriosis attack, and I know I have been in so much pain I thought having a baby couldn't possibly be much worse! All of these women talk about feeling as if nobody took them seriously and said things like "everybody gets cramp", but these women genuinely found it difficult to work or function during their periods for years and were treated as if they were hysterical.
There is no medical treatment for endometriosis apart from the contraceptive pill, so if she's struggling she may consider taking that to see if it helps, even without a diagnosis, but that should be 100% her choice and she should not be pressured to doing that. I agree the pill may make it easier if she can predict exactly when it's due but someone would have to make sure she took the pill consistently. Missing pills too often can mess up hormones permanently.

I would suggest the best thing would be to offer her the option of missing school the first day or 2 of her period every month, as long as she completes pre-set work in the house on these days and that she must return on the third day. This would give her validation- that you understand she finds it difficult and will accommodate for her problems, but that that doesn't mean she gets to do less school work. Treating her like a naughty truant will not help at all. In fact, the more she feels safe and understood about her issues, the more likely she is to be able to function well. Give her options and treat her with respect when she tells someone how she feels- it won't be easy for her. Also, I agree you should make sure she knows about different sanitary products and clothing options and make sure she has a quiet, private toilet (maybe a teacher's or disabled toilet?) to use to change and dispose of them at school. These things may even be more of an issue than the physical problems.

Thanks for taking the time to looking into this for her and hope you get it sorted out soon.

Many thanks for your responses - all are helpful - I will include your comments in my advice to school.
The young lady is 12 and has only recently received her ASD diagnosis - I am currently working with her to help her understand her diagnosis and explore the difficulties she experiences, including high levels of stress and suggest some strategies she might try.

That's a great idea!
I was going to a teachers toilet through my whole middle school because it was the only toilet with enough privacy for my needs. It was the only restroom where noone dared to bother me , the toilets were clean and they had locks in doors - believe or not but in elementary and middle schools I attended there was no locks in toilet doors except the one restroom next to teachers room.

I was going there not only during my period but also every time I needed to use a restroom and every time I was changing to and from my sportswear for sports class (I hated using the change room where all girls were changing all together with unlock-able doors heading straight to the hall). Other options were too risky for someone repeatably bullied like me.

Beware of using the pill. Everyone reacts differently to hormones and while the pill has come a long way over the years, there is still a great amount of risk in taking it.

I finally went on it when I was 18 to help control cramps, after suffering for years. The first month, I thought I was taking a miracle drug. The 2nd month, I start having the WORST PMS I ever had in all my life which lasted for 3 months straight until I realized these "side effects" were not going to go away, and I quit taking it. My body was permanently changed, in both good ways and bad.

The next time I took the pill (a different version) was after I got married. I was nauseous every day, like I had mild morning sickness. It was awful, and I quit. I would never, ever, ever do a long-term hormone birth control because I don't know how I would react and would not be able to bear a bad reaction for all that time.

That's not actually true. I was having really bad cramps at one point and did some research into it.
There is no cure, but there are treatments:



taken from NHS endometriosislink

I've read experiences of women who've had surgery and it's helped, but for some it didn't.
http://endometriosis-uk.org/endometriosis-treatment

Yep, surgery and hormone pills are generally considered the only "treatment" options. I had surgery for it at 15 and have been on a hormone since.

We actually found out I had endo (I only had a couple of tiny patches, so I was in stage one, but my periods had been absolutely horrible since I'd gotten my first one at 12) because I was missing school because of it. For a young girl that hasn't been dealing with her period for long, I would agree that she should be allowed to stay out for a day or two (that's when my cramps were the worst), but if she's older, say around the age I was when I was diagnosed, I don't think she should miss school. If her periods are that bad at that point, she needs to be checked out because it's more likely the problem is physical rather than emotional. The reason I stay on the hormone I'm on (I don't get periods anymore now) is because I'm well aware that it's not plausible for me to have to miss 1-2 days of college or work or whatever because of my period. I'd say get any period problems checked out sooner than later.

I did not have endometriosis. I was checked for it, but ultimately no physical cause for my extreme cramps was found. I learned how to bear with it, and went to school and work. But sometimes at work I would be doubled over in pain (not constantly, but at moments.) If I could get sent home early from a shift, I would. Sometimes the other girls would let me take a short shift instead of them because they knew why I wanted to leave.

I remember many days being in agony sitting in class, and wondering how I was going to get through the day and then walk from my bus stop to my house.

My period pain started at least 1 year after I got my period.