Break Ups

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How do you deal/cope with simultaneously hating and caring about someone that you were married to/in a long term relationship with?
The therapist I'm visiting says that this is normal, we were together for almost 14 years, and it's only been a few months and that I have to give it time. It is really starting to irritate me that I still care about him, miss him, and what we had once, while having a long list of sensible reasons for the break up. (It was the right decision etc.)

I felt completely pathetic for still loving someone who had hurt me, some years ago. I've come to understand that intense feelings for a partner can't just be turned off immediately and it was not rational for me to feel that way. Remind yourself of that, keep moving forward, and realize there are others who know what you're going through.

It sounds like your brain broke up with him, but your heart hasn't fully given up yet. I'm not a therapist, and you do have one, so stick with what they say.

I think it's just a matter of time before your heart catches up with your brain.

I've never been married, so I've never been divorced, but I have broken off long term relationships before for all the right reasons. The only thing that helps in my experience is time and distraction. For the record, distance makes no difference.

Get some projects. Spend time with friends and family. Take that trip. Volunteer. Sign up for that class at the city rec center or local community college. If you're girly, give yourself a spa day and get a facial, get your hair cut and maybe deep conditioned, get your nails done. If you're not, start training for a 5K or something.

I'm starting to feel this way, and I'm becoming increasingly irritated with myself for the lack of progress.
The fact that others have had this experience, is something that quite often I forget, .
I really hope that this happens soon, I am going abroad/vacation for the rest of this month, hopefully that change will help my motivation levels.

Thanks for the advice/suggestions.