Hello, I've been reading a lot of material about aspergers in the past few months, especially
regarding how aspergers syndrome manifests itself in women. I've always had trouble
with socializing but I never really fit the aspergers profile - until I saw the symptoms
of aspergers on women, many of which fit me but some of which do not.
These are the differences and similarities I have:
- I never showed any sign of oddity as a child other than motor skills. The problems started around age 8 and kind
of developed from there. I always felt out of place and that there's something different about me - other kids
noticed it too which led to bullying. It seems like I never had much regard for social consensus and fitting in - if I like something I liked, it didn't matter to me what everyone else were doing and I always prefer to go off on my own and explore my own special interests.
- I don't have any sensory issues, there was never any hand flapping or other gestures like that with me. I have no problems with recognizing emotions.
- I understand humour and cynicism. No problem there.
- I have no problem with following instructions and don't need them written down. I have an excellent memory.
These are the traits that I do identify with a lot:
- social chameleon, 'actress' - as an adult (around junior high) I had to learn how to communicate with people by observing them. I had to this for about 2 years before I could strike up a conversation and, it never came naturally to me but rather had to be "forced". I would repeat what other people said or did because I had no idea what one is supposed to do in social situations. I would always try to observe other people and make up rigid rules on what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to act.
- Innocent, naive, dislikes lies - This is another trait other people have observed about me, I am very naive and trusting, I also find it hard to lie (or at least did, I'm getting better at it). I also read a few discussions of people with aspergers about how much they dislike hypocrisy and dishonesty which is pretty much the same with me - I hate family dinners with distant relatives where we all put on a mask and pretend we're "one big happy family" for the night. I do not care much for appearance but more for content, this has always been a very big issue for me.
As for the other traits I've found, I can review them one by one:
‘Will not spend much time on grooming and hair. Hairstyles usually have to be ‘wash and wear’ - yes, double yes. Never liked spending too much time on grooming.
‘Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance’ - that's me. If I do take the time to work on my appearance it is always something a little bit artistic (like weird make up and clothes). I also fit pretty well for eccentric personality.
‘Is youthful for her age, in looks, dress, behaviour and tastes’ - I look younger for my age, I always have. I also have a young sounding voice. My behaviour can be described as childish sometimes.
‘May have many androgynous traits despite an outwardly feminine appearance. Thinks of herself as half male/half female’ - this is very true for me, I've always had 'boyish' qualities and had a lot more in common with male interests than female ones.
Enjoys reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children’s, can have favourites which are a refuge - fantasy and sci-fi have always been a big part of my life.
‘Uses control as a stress management technique: rules, discipline, rigid in certain habits, which will contradict her seeming unconventionality’ - this actually does not apply to me, I don't think I do these kind of things.
‘Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment’ - definitely.
‘May have been diagnosed as autistic or Asperger’s when young, or may have been thought of as gifted, shy, sensitive, etc. May also have had obvious or severe learning deficits’ - shy and sensitive describe me, never had troubles with learning.
‘Often musical, artistic’ - Yes, very much so.
‘May have a savant skill or strong talent’ - Yes, I have a musical inclination which I am very good at. But it's something I worked hard on as part of my special interest.
‘May have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing things of a technological and visual nature. More verbal thinkers may gravitate to writing, languages, cultural studies, psychology’ - yes on everything. This perfectly describes me.
‘May be a self-taught reader, been hyperlexic as a child, and will possess a wide variety of other self-taught skills as well’ - I am mainly self-taught. Taught myself how to read at a very young age. Taught myself math at school and other subjects since I rarely listened in class.
‘May be highly educated but will have had to struggle with social aspects of college. May have one or many partial degrees’ - that is true. I like learning and knowledge. I have a degree but I mentally checked out after about 6 months but kept going because I did not want to switch majors.
‘Can be very passionate about a course of study or job, and then change direction or go completely cold on it very quickly’ - sometimes. If I feel I learnt enough about a subject that interests me I will usually go cold feet.
‘Will often have trouble holding onto a job and may find employment daunting’ - I work from home, I started an online business with my own hours. Never really held down a full time job.
‘Highly intelligent, yet sometimes can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues’ - I could be described as intelligent, but I was never slow to understand.
‘Will have obsessions but they are not as unusual as her male counterpart’s - once again, true.
‘Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive’ - I don't know about immature but I'm definitely sensitive.
‘Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions - yes. I always feel like I'm looking for things to be anxious about.
‘Strong sensory issues – sounds, sights, smells, touch, and prone to overload (less likely to have taste/food texture issues as males)’ - I don't have any sensory issues.
‘Moody and prone to bouts of depression. - Big yes here.
‘Stims to soothe when sad or agitated: rocking, face-rubbing, humming, finger flicking, leg bouncing, finger or foot-tapping’ - not really, this never seemed like a strong trait with me.
‘Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, even in public, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload’ - emotional overloads are a real thing.
‘Hates injustice and hates to be misunderstood, this can incite anger and rage’ - yes.
‘Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown. Less likely to stutter than male counterparts but may have raspy voice, monotone at times, when stressed or sad’ - I am not myself and don't really talk when I fell stressed.
‘Word and actions are often misunderstood by others’ - I've had a lot of times when people told me I've offended them in some way even though I had no such intent.
‘Is very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passions/obsessive interests’ - another yes.
‘Like her male counterpart, will shut down in social situations once overloaded, but is generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of ‘skilled’, but it is a ‘performance’ - this really describes me.
‘Doesn’t go out much. Will prefer to go out with partner only or children if she has them - I do not like social situations with people I don't know like parties.
‘Will not have many girlfriends and will not do ‘girly’ things like shopping with them or have get-togethers to ‘hang out'’ - the words 'shopping' and 'hang out' give me physical distress.
‘Will have a close friend or friends in school, but not once in adulthood is reached’ - very true for me.
‘May or may not want to have a relationship. If she is in a relationship, she probably takes it very seriously but she may choose to remain celibate or alone’ - once again, very much for me.
‘If she likes a male, she can be extremely, noticeably awkward in her attempts to let him know, e.g. she may stare when she sees him or call him repeatedly. This is because she fixates and doesn’t understand societal gender roles. This will change with maturity - the fixation part is very true for me.
Another trait that I saw mentioned was trouble with driving lessons especially with turning the wheel in circles - this describes me to the T. I needed 4-5 lessons just to turn the car around properly in roundabouts (had to take over 100 lessons in order to pass a driving lessons test).
15 Apr 2015, 1:58 am
