Does fear of violence lead to deference to males?

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Now this is from Japanese, not Western culture, but I read a manga two-parter by Momoko Sakura which was an autobiographial account of how she became a manga artist. The Momoko depicted, when she was in middle school, was approached by a rude boy who demanded that she do his cleaning work for him. She refused. Later, however, her friends, also girls, told her that she should have done what the boy demanded, because otherwise he could have gotten violent.

So is this where it's at? Are enough males violent such that girls and women will defer to males' demands? When men raise their voice or show anger when they make demands, are they taking advantage of this fear of violence, even if those men would not become violent or are even aware that the fear of violence drives the girl's or woman's affirmative response: They just know it works?

In that case, it seems that even trans women will take advantage of this (from the top-rated comment):

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/07/opini ... woman.html

If so, then it is clear that male violence is a problem that extends well beyond the perpetrators and their immediate victims.

For me it's not that "enough" males are violent, it's that I'm not sure if I can predict which few might actually become violent. It feels very unpredictable to me, like a wild card that could turn up at any time.

Also it's not that I defer, but rather I feel like I have to be extra nice and polite and never come across as being too assertive or outspoken, especially if I am saying no to something they want, and ESPECIALLY if I am saying no to a man's interest in me. I really fear what will happen if I just say NO, not just that they might become violent but more likely they might turn on me in other ways



Yes I think they are. It's probably not a conscious thought process, just an automatic, instinctive behavior. Yup, they just know it works.

I've noticed that even men who claim to have a lot of respect for women, and talk a lot about equality, will play that wild card and try to be intimidating and show authority over women. And it's like they don't even notice how it contradicts what they claim to believe in. Actually the ones who try to come off as the most sensitive and caring, usually turn out to be the really domineering and intimidating when they want to get their way.

Also the guys who really go out of their way to be sensitive and chivalrous towards women, usually turn out to be the worst of the worst when it comes to acting domineering. I've come to see it as a real warning sign whenever a man makes a big show of having respect for women, and/or talks about it a lot, because it so often turns out to be a load of horses**t.

This is also part of how it works, sensitivity and chivalry can be used as backhanded displays of male authority, intended to encourage female submission. Then the overt displays of authority, such as raising the voice and assuming an intimidating body stance, can be used when least expected and have even more impact.

although I'm too lazy, and lacking time also, to check out what the title means exactly
but one thing, see that topic of the agression adressed at mother, and "allowed" in a sense,

nature and hormones make mother more tolerant at male behaviour, then there's testosterone that is more like an empathy-blocker and even, at same lenght the male has a lager bodymass, let alone the cultural and natural preference for taller, and for the same matter(ish) older male material with emphasizes again an imbalance in power

well, observing the flock, it's quite easy and probable that a ewe rejects the female lamb in favor of the male, even before birth the male gets a bigger share of nutrients

from an blog: The most insidious forms of patriarchy pass through the mother
Patriarchy is the social organization of a culture in which men hold more power than women. There is a common misconception that men are the only problem of patriarchy. Many continue to believe tha... http://www.angrydevas.com/devas-blog/th ... nine-small

I don't believe men are intentionally intimidating in these situations. I believe men are actually the more "emotional" of the two sexes, and have more difficulty controling their emotional impulses due to testosterone.

That being said, while most men are not violent, enough are that women have evolved strategies to minimize the risk of themselves or their offspring of being victimized by a violent man.

I believe it's easier to control your emotional impulses the more used you are to having to control them.

This makes sense, it depends on the context (culture, the setting).

I have encountered seemingly nice men, but as soon as they are met with an obstacle to getting what they want, the tone of the conversation and their attitude changes. That is the point where I can relate to this behavior :
But Ive also met women like this, the type that censor others though becoming loud and passive aggressive, maybe not so much a fear of violence, but as an adult I have felt physically threatened more often by women than men.
I think this is a human thing.

Not gonna lie - I think this is pretty conspiratorial. Maybe in some cultures, girls do have a legitimate fear for their safety in regards to resisting the demands of their male counterparts. However I very much doubt this is something all women experience. I don't like this assertion that women are generally afraid of men and that men are generally exercising control over women by intimidation.

I personally do not fear violence if a man raises his voice at me any more than a woman does. In my experience, males are far more conscientious of how they treat women than other women. Even though I grew up in a household in which my father has a bad temper, I always knew that other men were not necessarily like him (my maternal grandfather, for instance). I also think it's a bit childish for grown women to get intimidated by a woman raising her voice, just because she happens to be occupying a male body. Trans women are more likely to be victims of violence than cis women anyway, so why is she so scared?! It's just total arrogance.

Men are stronger and have penises.

Women are weaker and can be impregnated against their will.

Women fear men because men can do things to women that women are unlikely to do to men.

Just because men can do these things does not mean that men will do these things.

But men get painted with a very broad brush - the false belief that what one man has done, all men are guilty of. This is the basis for modern-day feminism, wherein all men are blamed for every evil ever committed by some men throughout history.

Even before feminism (perhaps especially before feminism), many men, if not most, knew they'd get in big trouble and be shunned by society if they were known to do something that could be construed, whether truthfully or not, as abusing a woman.

Women know this, too, and it's not unheard of for some to take advantage of it, behaving with men in ways they'd never dare to with other women, not just as if they had no physical disadvantage, but as if they were invulnerable. Of course, this illusion vanishes as soon as there's a danger other than being physically attacked by men. In this case, the classical thing to do is to shame the men into risking their lives to protect you.

In Japan? I have no idea. Maybe sometimes here, depending on the lady involved in the situation. I'm not afraid of violence so it doesn't cause me to do anything. Well, I take that back. If some huge dude came up to me and threatened me and I was unarmed then sure, I'd do what he said, or get out of there if possible. But for normal size guys, no I'm not afraid. Even if I do get my ass kicked, it won't kill me. It will just be physically painful and humiliating. Hopefully though, if it were to come down to violence, I could at least hold my own.

Men can have a woman impregnate herself with their sperm against their will. My father knows a guy who woke up once to find his ex-girlfriend trying to have sex with him while he was sleeping, so that she could get pregnant and force him to marry her.

I've also heard of women taking sperm out of used condoms to try to impregnate themselves. It's not very successful because of the spermicides most condoms have, but it could work.

I don't think it's fear of violence. Society has some very strong prohibitions against violence. Violence behavior makes the news, if it didn't make the news most people would think of it as being as rare as it is. Only about 5% of males in any group are violent and most of that violence is directed towards other men. Also, men defer to women as much as women defer to men, but in different ways. Men do things for women they wouldn't even think of doing for another man. If a woman is upset they will take time to try to make her feel better. A dude, uh dude you are creeping me out with your needy behavior go away. Women seem less competitive with men than they would be with a woman. But, they also will ask things of men they probably wouldn't ask of another woman. I think the deference might be related to courtship rituals in some way. Even though every woman and every man isn't courting all men and women, I think the behavior is wired toward that. So even if you have a spouse, you are still wired for courting.

All men are violent sex craved monsters! *sarcasm*

The way I see it is that, most men are generally somewhat reasonable and will not resort to violence. But there are A LOT of men who are very emotional and can't handle rejection so they lash out either verbally or physically. There are also a lot of men who are just predators and are looking to use women for their own pleasure, and they are very prolific. If the get rejected they just move on to the next one. They can also be very charming and personable when you first meet them. They have learned to disguise they're true intentions and feelings which make them especially dangerous for women. That unpredictability can breed a lot of trepidation.

And let's face it men are the more violent sex. More murders, assaults, and pretty much any other type of violent crime are committed by men than women.

I doesn’t work only with women.

That is by far the most disgusting thing I've read all day....I honestly feel nauseous now and imagine that may factor into the break ups that likely occur after such incidents. The first example is quite screwed to though certainly not unheard of though, very creepy though...I mean isn't it rape to have sex with someone without consent, don't think you can give consent if you're asleep.