I know girls shouldnt change for guys but should I this time

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

Guitar_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,152

03 Oct 2010, 6:01 am

OK, my boyfriend is my best friend (literally, we were best friends first)
But I never show as much interest in what he likes as much as he does with what I like. He likes that we have differences, hes not bossy or anything like that, not controlling. He knows everything there is to know about country music, and I like country too, but not as much as him. I know everything there is to know in rock music, and he shows some interest in that. I don't show interest in his country music. The same goes for his interest in Greek mythology and science fiction stuff. I started going to church, I'm glad I did, for him. And I also wanted to. He shows interest in ALL my interests.
Should I kinda "change"?



Kaybee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,446
Location: A hidden forest

03 Oct 2010, 6:25 am

Taking an interest in the things one's loved one is interested in doesn't mean that you have to change. Based on the question, I get the impression that you are the kind of person who wants to show that you care. Taking an interest in your boyfriend's passions would show that you care. Thus, to do so would not be changing. I realize this is simplifying things, but I have little information to work on.

On another line of thought, I think it helps to connect with a person if you understand their interests (you don't have to agree with them).


_________________
"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."


Guitar_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,152

03 Oct 2010, 6:30 am

Kaybee wrote:
Taking an interest in the things one's loved one is interested in doesn't mean that you have to change. Based on the question, I get the impression that you are the kind of person who wants to show that you care. Taking an interest in your boyfriend's passions would show that you care. Thus, to do so would not be changing. I realize this is simplifying things, but I have little information to work on.

On another line of thought, I think it helps to connect with a person if you understand their interests (you don't have to agree with them).


Kaybee, I think yo u are right. I want to show that I care about his interests. I think it's not fair if he shows interests in what I like, and I don 't do the same.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

03 Oct 2010, 7:02 am

I don't think you should have to show interest in all his interests, as long as you respect that he likes them and lt him have time for them.

Faking interest is worse i think.

Maybe enough interest to be able to get him presents on birthdays related to his interests? You shouldn't have to get as into them as him.



Kaybee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,446
Location: A hidden forest

03 Oct 2010, 7:13 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I don't think you should have to show interest in all his interests, as long as you respect that he likes them and lt him have time for them.

Faking interest is worse i think.

Maybe enough interest to be able to get him presents on birthdays related to his interests? You shouldn't have to get as into them as him.


Oh, I agree. I didn't mean to suggest faking interest, but I think that if you really keep an open mind when examining a topic which doesn't initially interest you, you may often be surprised by your ability to appreciate it. And even if you find that you have no appreciation for the topic whatsoever, you will at least have learned something about your partner (assuming that you did approach it in a spirit of open-mindedness). It can't hurt to give it a try.


_________________
"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."


OneStepBeyond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,310

03 Oct 2010, 12:39 pm

thats not really changing is it:/

i like it when boys know about different things to me.

i pretended to like different music to impress someone once haha. wouldnt do that again



whatamess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,284

04 Oct 2010, 3:13 am

I think you should...I have an NT husband...although he doesn't take an interest in everything I do, he does at least listen to my constant talking about current events, blah, blah...that he really doesn't care about...I appreciate it...he likes tennis, parties, golf, blah, blah...and although I bug him if he says "guess who's winning" ie. my response "I thought he played baseball...hehe" I do make it a point to every once in a while buy him a tennis racket, or some golf DVDs or a shirt or something so that he at least knows that although I might not be as good in showing interest, I do try and I think of him and his interests...he does appreciate that...

good luck...



LKL
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,402

01 Jan 2016, 10:55 pm

What others have already said. Don't change, but do try to understand - even if understanding means paying more attention than you'd like to something outside of your interests. That's a weak point for me and a lot of aspies, but in this case it sounds like it will be worth it for you in the long run.



Malaise
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jul 2015
Age: 35
Posts: 224
Location: MN

02 Jan 2016, 4:57 pm

You can talk about a subject without personally being into it, hearing about why someone like a particular book, watching an episode or two, etc. I think it's important for people to maintain their own lives but meet in the middle.



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

02 Jan 2016, 5:30 pm

You know, the original post is five years old.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

02 Jan 2016, 6:01 pm

I don't like country music a whole lot, but I used to still go do things with my friends that like country music - we would go to some country bars and I learned how to line dance. The dancing was fun and challenging for me and we all enjoyed something my friends also liked - country music.

Maybe you two can find a totally new interest that neither has done before and make new memories. That could be fun!


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

02 Jan 2016, 6:04 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
You know, the original post is five years old.


Well, crap. Nevermind then.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


0_equals_true
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,038
Location: London

04 Jan 2016, 5:39 pm

lol LKL you need to blame sphinx / elastic search "similar threads" for your accidental necro-posting. :P

Don't worry it has happened to the best of us.



0_equals_true
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,038
Location: London

04 Jan 2016, 5:43 pm



LKL
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,402

09 Jan 2016, 11:30 pm

yes. 'Similar Posts,' which I just assumed were also 'recent.'
*sigh*
Now I know.



RenaeK
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 16 Dec 2015
Posts: 67
Location: Perth, Australia

12 Jan 2016, 10:27 am

My husband is a very serious vintage starwars collector. I try so hard to listen and pay attention and respond appropriately when he blabs on about it. When he says, "remember how I told you last month.... well guess what just happened", I respond, "yeah, so what happened?" and try to sound as interested as possible. It's just what people do when they care about someone who really wants to share something they love with you.