Unwanted attention from customers (Women Only)

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Has anyone else had to deal with unwanted attention from male customers in a job?

I work as a field sales rep so I feel particularly vulnerable because I am going out alone to visit these customers at their businesses.

The last time it happened the guy actually came out to my car. I had just left his store so I thought maybe he had another question he forgot to ask or something to tell me, something business related. He knocked on my car window and if it had been someone I didn't know then of course I wouldn't roll my window down. I don't like having a customer that I know come out to my car either but many of them are foreign and I figure maybe they don't know any better.

So I rolled the window down and he had some question that really wasn't that important. But then he just kept standing there wanting to chit chat. I was confused about what he wanted and why he kept standing there and wouldn't go on. If it sounds like I am slow well I admit it I probably am and I really don't catch on that fast. Then he started asking personal questions like whether I have a boyfriend and things like that.

I was getting more and more uncomfortable and just trying to be polite and really didn't know what to say. He finally came right out and asked me if I would go out with him. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable and I mean the last thing I want to do is offend a customer. I just tried to decline as politely as I could.

He had never given me any indication before that he was interested in me, or if he did obviously it went over my head. And I don't think he meant to scare me or anything. But a couple of things he did were kind of scary, like the way he rested his hand on my car door so I couldn't roll the glass back up. I don't know if he did that on purpose or not. And he also looked around the inside of my car while he was standing there in a way that made me really nervous.

He wouldn't go away and the more he kept standing there, the more I felt intimidated and like my brain was freezing up so I couldn't figure out what to say. I just wondered what he was going to do. I finally cranked the car up hoping that would be the final hint to make him leave, which he did. Since then when I've been back to that store, he wasn't there so I have just been taking it one visit at a time to see if anything else weird happens.

I can report an incident like this to my supervisor and ask to have the store removed from my route, but I feel like I should only do that as a last resort. I've only reported a few cases. Like one where the guy was very persistent and eventually started showing a lot of hostility towards me when I didn't reciprocate. Most of the time I can just have it removed because it's a bad store anyway, without giving my real reason. I'm afraid if I report too many, my company will start to think I can't do the job.

Most of the time they seem like they mean well and because they from foreign countries, probably just don't understand that what they are doing is considered inappropriate in this country. I also feel like maybe they are misinterpreting some of my behavior because of the cultural difference. Like maybe they are expecting some sort of signal that women from their own culture would give to say if they are interested or not.

I'm just really slow to catch on to flirting, and by the time I figure it out things are too weird and I don't know what to say. Most of them seem like they probably don't mean any harm, but it's hard to guess what someone will do if they feel offended or rejected. And others say things that are insulting but I feel like I have to be polite about it because I'm alone.

Have any other women here had to deal with something like this and how did you handle it?

I have dealt with unwanted attention from customers on several occasions. I don't take hints well and still don't know how to handle the unwanted attention. I have good customers that want to talk about stuff then customers that want to linger and start asking personal questions and/or give off bad vibes. I've had about three so far at my old job who used to ask my working hours and what locations I will be working at on what days. Which is a bit creepy to me. Especially when they've said maybe five sentence to me total ever. I've had guys that have asked if I'm in a relationship and I've said yes. That doesn't deter them. I've had my phone number asked for and email address right away. Um, No! I'm not doing that.

One guy used to come by and we'd talk about psychology. He was OK but very shy or something as he'd shake alot and be nervous. I did get a bad vibe off him but shrugged it off. We exchanged skype usernames to chat as I figured it was the safest. He talked to me once on skype just before Christmas and he wanted my phone number. I told him I don't talk to people on the phone. That I don't even like talking to my spouse on the phone. He went on and on about how he wanted to hear my voice. Pressuring me into doing something I dislike is not going to make friends with me. He's not spoken to me since. Which I feel is a good thing.

I think another thing about unwanted attention is you don't know if these people are weird or not. There are people out there with bad intentions and will act on them. Not to scare you but it's always good to take precautions. If you can carry mace on your keychain and/or keep an eye on your surroundings that helps. I've had people show up at my door before because I've ridden in a cab with them and I've gotten dropped off first. So they've seen where I live and think it's OK to show up and profess their love. Always be careful!

That's really creepy. I'm sorry you've both experienced that nonsense. I think a lot of guys have entitlement issues and believe they can do whatever they want at the expense of another's particular zone of comfort. I'm not going to lie, I've approached people that may have seen I was creepy myself, but it wasn't in the intention of seeking a relationship.

I have always had difficulty adjusting to the community in terms of friend development, so being that I'd snail behind, I'd just approach me in an unsolicited manner.

I guess that's not good on my end. I think it's just better to meet women when serendipity is placed into your encounter, instead of just attempting it while on the job.

If it happens, it'll happen. Once again, sorry about your awkward encounters.

Part of the problem is that you're trying to be polite. Just give a stern "bugger off, mate". If that doesn't send the message then you know you've got an incident worth reporting on your hands. Some people really don't understand how much of a nuisance they're being until you make it clear.

I used to work in retail in positions such as sales assistant and cashier.

As an assistant in certain types of supplies stores where customers often needed help rather than just picking things out for themselves (it was a specialist store), we were instructed to always ask any wandering customer any variation of an offer of assistance in finding what they needed -- ie, "Can I help you with anything?/Can I help you sir?/ Can I help you find anything?"

I used to get what seemed like every third male customer trying to make something dirty out of my saying any of these things.

Example: Me: "Hello, can I help you with anything sir?"
Customer: face bursts into a leering smirk, laughs in a snickering fashion, says variations of: "Heheh, well I'm sure I can think of something muahahahehehehe!! !"

Or "Ooh, there's an offer I can't refuse, mauahahghfhfhfahaahahhfheheheheheh!"

f*****g sexist pigs.

Seriously does any man actually think I enjoyed being on the receiving end of this steaming pile of sh!t twelve times a day every working day of my life? Don't talk to female sales assistants this way. Just. f*****g. DON'T.

I had to just pretend it wasn't happening, or I'd have been fired for not being "nice." Fck that. I solved the problem by deciding I'd had enough of retail and dealing with members of the public/ a stream of total strangers who think they have the privilege of speaking to me in any way they choose just because they think it's my job to just take it.

Years ago, I had a boss who was El Creepo. He was married with a child at the time, and he would make objectionable propositions to me, asking me if I would mind coming in on weekends for "trainings" (what training, @sshole ?) or if I would stay in late as there was this report that absolutely had to be turned in first thing the next morning. Initially, he would couch requests so that it sounded genuine (when I discussed them with my room-mates) but there was something about him that sent off alarm bells in my head, so I always turned down the "requests", saying that I'd finish the report at home or work from home during the weekends.

One day, however, he made his intentions crystal clear when he asked me out to dinner because he wanted to discuss my sense of dressing with me ! He found himself having to explain his invitation with HR, instead, and that was that. I eventually quit and moved on. As for him, I found out that he was fired from the job just a few months later when he repeated that request for a dinner date with another female employee.

Some people just won't stop pushing their luck and don't know when to quit.

While the customer is always king, they have no right to harass you sexually. I think you are handling the situation really well by ignoring the leering, and the suggestive comments, even if it burns you up inside. I have no other suggestions for you, other than to keep ignoring pigs or to see if you can work at a position - such as inventory control or in the sorting room - where you have little to no customer interaction involved. That isn't a guarantee that a co-worker or a supervisor won't be an @sshole, but a fellow employee is a different animal than a so-called "king" alias customer.

Well, of course I'm trying to be polite. When I say these are customers, what I mean is they are clients. They are the decision makers at the businesses I am calling on as a sales rep. These are people I have business relationships with, so I can't just tell them to "bugger off."

Besides, the last thing I want to do is be that blunt about it, in case they do turn out to be dangerous.

Yeah, I've worked a lot of retail jobs and had that happen too.

In my current job sometimes I will ask if there is anything else I can do for them before I leave, and some of them get really smirky or start letting their eyes travel downward.

Thank you all for the replies and understanding. It makes me really anxious and some days I just do not want to go out there because I worry about running into guys acting this way.

I keep having family members try to talk me into carrying a gun, or a stun gun or something like that. I don't think that will solve the problem, and it sure wouldn't give me any sense of security, instead I would feel like I was in a lot more danger. I am way too klutzy and prone to dropping things to handle a weapon. If I had a serious reason to use it on someone, I'd probably have it wrested away from me before I had a chance to use it and then I really would be in deep s**t. Otherwise it would be offensive if I pull a weapon on someone just because they are asking for a date.

I am not sure if you mean this guy but I don't think he did anything really bad and he doesn't deserve such things said about himself. But hey as I said I don't know if you mean him or other guys described in this page so I am not accusing or anything.
This been said, OP if I can give an advice perhaps a good way to get out of such a situation would be to politely say that you have to hurry to visit other customers or something, maybe, but Idk. I don't have any experience in talking with customers but perhaps that's how I would try to get out of a conversation I am not interested in. Idk really.

And I'm not sure what you mean but if you are referring to the guy who came out to my car, you think it's okay for him to do that and then put his hand over my window so I can't roll it back up? And basically just stand there detaining me from leaving? All while he is looking around inside my car and looking me over? I don't think it's okay to come out to a woman's car like that to begin with, and it's pretty unusual that any of them go that far, usually whatever they say just happens in the store and I can walk away and leave if I feel uncomfortable. Now I am torn when things like this happen, because I start off thinking like you're suggesting, that they are not really doing anything wrong, so I try to be polite about it, but then like someone else said that's the problem is I'm being too polite. Now to stop being polite, I have to recognize that something inappropriate is going on. So I can't be in this mindset you are talking about of how this guy doesn't deserve for me to think he is doing anything wrong.

I don't understand why you are commenting because I asked for women to comment, specifically those who have had similar experiences, and you're a guy and like you said "IDK really" because you've probably never had to deal with something like this.

Why do you want to defend some guy, who is a total stranger to you, from having it said that he did something bad when he was being really creepy and did something that scared me?

I asked for responses from women and I feel that this is a valid request, considering the topic, so any male members who feel inclined to post in my thread, please read the forum guidelines before posting and please be sure you have something positive to contribute.

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Thank you for saying this. Most of the time I really feel like I don't have much choice other than to ignore it so I don't feel very good about it. Some of them have done it a few times and then backed off though so I guess it's effective with some men.

The ones that really make me nervous the most are when they start to physically intrude on my space, or block me from leaving. Like there was one guy who asked me to come in the backroom of the store and then lingered in the doorway blocking me from walking back out. That happened only the first or second time I met him, and I didn't know what he was like yet, otherwise I wouldn't have gone back there.

One reason why I wanted to get into this type of work, and in the beginning felt more comfortable with it, is because I have had problems with supervisors and coworkers in the past. I'm just getting the feeling like there is no escape from it wherever I go to work.

I was not there and surely I don't know if you were molested or something, but from what I read he sounds like a guy who is annoyingly chatty and a bit of a nosey-parker, from your description he doesn't sound like a pig or an aggressor, at least to me. And that's enought for me to defend him, because to me he doesn't seem guilty of aggression.

Also how do you know that I never had to deal with unwanted attention? Guys can receive unwanted attention too, you know? I did receive unwanted attention in some cases.

You said that guys can't post here so from now on I won't respond anyway.

That's not what I said, I was referring to the fact that if you're a guy you don't know what it means to deal with it AS A FEMALE. And as such you don't seem to understand why it is aggressive and creepy to detain a woman from leaving in her car to ask for a date. Do you realize women in similar circumstances have been brutally murdered if they declined?



I don't know why you responded in the first place.