Managing Sensory Issues while Parenting

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How do parents with ASD manage sensory difficulties? I have two children, one almost 16 and one 14 months. With my older daughter, I had no understanding of my ASD traits. I would quickly become overwhelmed, exhausted, and meltdown. It was so difficult for me because I wanted to be able to take her to the pool, etc. and had no explanation for why I couldn't. I felt so selfish. With my baby, I am hoping to be able to take her to parks, the beach, etc. But I feel exhausted just thinking about how carefully I would have to plan that. I am very sensitive to just about everything.

I don't have children, but didn't want you to feel no-one was replying. The parents forum might also be a good place to look as there's lots of parents who also have ASD or are BAP.

For sound, using earplugs would be good. If you get them so that they muffle noise but you can still hear your child then you're good to go.

Sunglasses - find a lens colour (I only like one shade) that suits you and wear them even if it's not so bright that others have problems. For the pool, you may be able to find tinted goggles.

If being around other children/parents is exhausting you could take her to empty beaches. My grandfather (likely ASD) hates busy beaches so we used to go to the quiet ones - often it's quite exciting to have the whole beach area to yourself!

I particularly like stone beaches because they're not covered in sand. You can still play fun games with collecting stones or the water.

Same for parks or walks in the woods. You could go scavenging or build a den - just make sure you wear clothes that the leaves don't stick to! It's still fun even if there's no-one around.

For play parks, it can be more difficult especially depending on your schedule but you could go to the park when not many people go. (As an adult, I like to go on the net swing to calm down but I only go when there's not likely to be families about.)

If you would be helped by weighted or pressure jackets, then you could use those.

I wish I knew the answer!! I actually have been reading this forum for the past week searching for answers on how to parent when the parent has aspergers and suffers from sensory issues.

My kids are 5 and 3, and I'm stay at home mom. Everything seems to bother me honestly but the worse stuff for me is my daughters high pitch voice, either of my kids needing hugs or cuddles, light touches from them, crying, the sibling fights, and when they were babies, breastfeeding was really hard and drove me crazy with the constant touching.
Now that my oldest in kindegraten, there's the play dates, and the school functions.

Also she's got massive anxiety issues for her own that are affecting her functioning at school. So there's dealing with teachers a lot and her own personal meltdowns which are intense.


I do love my kids more then I can say, and I really believe that because it's not their fault im this way, I shouldn't deny them what they need.

so if they request a hug or whatever, I'll give what they need. But most of the time it's almost like physical pain, and emotionally it's really hard.

I have never been formally diagnosied mostly because my husband doesn't believe there's anything wrong with me and refuses to pay for adult assessment. Aspergers is like a dirty word in our house and every time I try and talk to him about it it results in a fight (yelling , screaming etc ) which I can't handle and therefore I shut down.
to be fair , I mask a lot of my symptoms so, I can see why my husband may be having a hard time with this and I'm not exactly great at explaining things to him.
He has his own issues and depression so A lot of time I'm dealing with the kids on my own.

I really don't mean to ramble on, and this is my first post so, I apologize if this isn't the right place to post this question.

Basically I just would like any help with how to deal with sensory issues when dealing with kids...
It's basically getting to a point where I feel like I'm getting depressed and so unhappy because I'm constantly overstimulated. So, Any help would be so appreciated!!

Thank you...

Hi Ashlee,

Your post makes me really grateful for my family, who are supportive of my idea that I am probably on the spectrum. It must be very difficult to be dismissed by your husband. I am wondering if reading some books on female autism would help you gain a sort of vocabulary to explain what is going on. And find validation in your experience. I really like "Aspergirls" by Rudy Simone and "I am Aspien Woman" by Tania Marshall.

I can totally understand why you can't tolerate the yelling and screaming. That sort of behavior really frightens and hurts me physically. It is true that communication can be very difficult, especially for folks on the spectrum. Is it possible to go to couples therapy? Or even therapy just for yourself? Doing so may help you come up with strategies to help your sensory issues and communicate your needs better. Of course, you should look for a therapist who works with ASD folks.

As for help with sensory issues, I do think I am less sensitive when I eat nutritious food, exercise and take sensory breaks. Easier said then done!! ! I am certainly not happy with my own lifestyle choices at the moment. My parents returned from Florida this weekend which entailed several visits and my husband and I visited his mom, plus I went grocery and clothes shopping for my 16 year old daughter's birthday. Of course, no exercise and too much eclair! Now my house is a mess and I'm on edge. The biggest problem for me, is if I don't get some time to make better choices I could have a meltdown. This is quite like a toddler temper tantrum. Imagine that at adult size, not good.

I also do think the mood stabilizer and anti-depressant I take help me manage better. I don't seem to have my rage attacks as much. This is because they can work to take some of the edge off, just like exercise, etc. Though of course lifestyle changes are recommended more than drugs. Sometimes drugs can get you over the hump though.

Also, if you feel o.k. doing so, I recommend using ear plugs, at least for part of the day. I have foam earplugs and also ones made custom by an audiologist. Both filter out household noises such as the dryer running a room away, but I can still hear my children ok. Although I try not to use them that much because my younger daughter is 15 months and of course she is still developing language.

Does your 3 year old nap? If so, that is a perfect time to take a sensory break. Put in earplugs, wear a face mask or lie in a dark room. Try lying under heavy blankets. As the mother of two young kids, you don't need to justify to anyone why you need rest.

If you are like me, you might have a tendency to push yourself even harder because you feel inadequate. This is where reading books about autistic females and / or pursuing therapy could be really helpful. I have a tendency to feel guilt and shame. We have to be easier on ourselves! Also, feel free to p.m. me - I would love to chat any time.

hey!
Thanks for the book recommendations! I've been looking for something to read about Aspergers but, wasn't sure where to start.

That's great that you have the support! Do you mind me asking how you told your loved ones about being an aspie? what did you say or was it something they brought up?

When I first told my husband, I realized now, that I did it all wrong. I told what I suspected via text at like 3am when he was working night shift. He was already tired and grumpy when I told him and I basically unloaded all the information on me, that he got overwhelmed and of course I felt rejected and didn't talk about it again for quite a while.

Therapy is something I'm considering but, it also scares me and I'm not sure I'm ready to 100 percent go there yet. I've only have started talking about it again out of desperation. I'm kinda using this forum as practice so If and when I do choose to go talk to a professional I don't have a meltdown in their office haha.

I think your right on point about the healthy lifestyle. It definitely eases my depression when I'm exercising and eating right. And although it doesn't eliminate the sensory stuff it does help it be more bearable.

While I reading what you wrote about napping and such, I remembered that I use to do a lot of the things you mentioned as coping mechanisms, and slowly I stopped doing. For example, I used to wrap myself in a little cocoon using two blankets and kinda lie on my side with my head covered. I always had a little part undone so I could breathe but, my parents would come in to check on me at night and basically unwrap me or uncover my head. Then I would be told I couldn't do that anymore because I could suffocate in my sleep. I also would always wear headphone and have one ear bud in and one out and was made fun of that by some of friends. So I stopped toting my Discman around in high school.

I'm just realizing that what I think has happened is I have been so wrapped up in trying to what is "acceptable" that I became a version of myself that can't cope with anything.
I have slowly been trying to bring some things back in my life and if that means I need to wrap myself in blanket, take time out, or allow myself to stim in public, that's okay.
People might look at me funny or act like my weird but, I'm getting to be a point in my life that I would rather have people know the true me then hiding everything all the time. It is exhausting.
Thank you for replying and you can feel free to PM me as well!