Frightened of giving birth

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Now that I'm in a stable relationship I keep thinking about having a baby, but giving birth terrifies me. People say how badly painful it is, and messy, and I have extreme anxiety with pain as it is. I watched a video online of a live birth to educate myself, and it made me cringe.

Could I ask for a c-section, or aren't you supposed to opt for one?
Or could I take those special strong pain-killers?

But do c-sections or strong drugs increase the risk of the baby having mental disabilities?

The drugs aren't known to correlate with any problems, as far as I know. (It seems like people are very suspicious of the drugs causing problems, so they have been studied a lot.) C-Sections are correlated with problems. If you're in the USA, opting for a c-section is pretty common and you will probably be able to. However, a c-section is a major abdominal surgery, so I don't think you should expect it to be less painful than a normal bodily function.

Some people also use hypno-anesthesia which usually doesn't get rid of the pain completely but makes it tolerable.

The practices of your care providers can make a big difference. Many doctors will insist you're in a position that is unconducive to giving birth and therefore painful, and some will cut your perineum even when there is no medical reason to do so.

Have you seen any nice birth videos (like people are actually satisfied with how it happened)? Those might reduce anxiety. Here one where it's obviously not totally painless, but it's not the horrible dramatic screamy chaotic misery like you see on TV.

I have had two C-sections that were medically necessary.
A vaginal birth would be preferable. As HisMom said, you would recover much more quickly.
As Cyllya1 said, C-sections are major abdominal surgery. There are many potential complications. And at the minimum, you can't drive or pick up anything heavier than the baby for 2 weeks. Simple things like buying groceries can be very difficult after a C-section. I have a high tolerance for pain, but it was extremely difficult even turning in bed for the first few days after the surgery. I also have a big scar because my skin has some kind of allergic reaction to surgery or the products used (I have a metal allergy, so it might be related to that.) Also, the area is still numb and my youngest is 15 now. My abdominal muscles were shot, so I'm never going to get my pre-baby belly back.

Many things can be done to help vaginal births be less painful. Some birthing centers have options for delivering in a tub full of water. I've heard that can be great. There are all kinds of methods of breathing and such that can help manage pain. I knew a petite (not quite 5-ft tall) woman who gave birth naturally (no drugs even) to a 10-pound baby using a technique that was based on focusing on a single point. I don't remember the name of the technique, but you could look it up. I think having an ability to hyper-focus would definitely work with that technique.

Always, vaginal more preferable than C-section. Before my oldest was born, I too was afraid of giving birth and had wanted a C-section. Now that I know better, I wish I could have had a vaginal birth. But, that is not medically appropriate in my case (and a moot point, anyway, since for other medical reasons I'm not likely to have any other kids.)

I'm quite a small person. I had a horrible birth and delivery. The doctor was an ass, and seemed to be of the mindset that vaginal birth is preferable to a c-section as long as no one dies. I was unable to push the baby out after several hours. He ultimately used forceps, which can be quite dangerous. It was an awful experience.

My recovery and hospital stay was longer than if I'd had a c-section, and I had more physical damage overall. Plus it was traumatic.

I'm going to demand a c-section if I have another child someday. My hips (the bones) are quite narrow.

Most people seem to have normal vaginal births, however.

The size of the pelvis most definitely matters, which is partly determined by the width of the hip bones, but also the size of the pelvic inlet and outlet and the orientation of the bones.

The doctor (who I'd never met before the delivery), quickly measured my pelvis during labor and decided I'd be able to deliver. He had suspicions that I might not be able to deliver vaginally, but didn't tell me until after the baby was born.

My doctors had also greatly underestimated the size of the baby.

My pelvis is actually quite narrow, not just my hips. It's narrow enough that even clothing designed for teens gaps in that area. Children's clothing fits best. I think I more or less have the pelvis size of an adolescent.

Hi. I knew in advance that I would need a C-section due to placenta previa. Maybe since it was scheduled, I remember it as being quite easy. I wouldn't have necessarily opted for it if I didn't need it, but the fact that I knew I would not have a painful delivery did kind of ease my nervousness the last few weeks. I have a friend who is very petite small boned and opted for it. I am not saying one is better than the other, just sharing my experience. The recovery period is longer, but I was able to walk home from the hospital 4 days after my son was born. I'm sure you will be fine either way.

I do have low pain tolerance, especially in my tummy and vaginal area. Having a casual smear test is an ordeal. I've already tried a smear test twice but failed due to pain issues. So I might have to be sedated, just to have a smear test done.

So if giving birth is as painful as what every mother has said it is, then it's going to be 10 times more painful for someone who can't even have a smear test done. Sex is another painful thing, although he does "cum" into my vagina, but the vagina doesn't seem to want anything solid in. Heck, my ear canals are wider than my vagina....

Have an epidural. They're wonderful. Pay no mind to any crunchy hippie nonsense.

They don't do elective c sections anymore. But you can get pain meds. It's really not that bad until later on in labor and you'll have your edpiural by then if you're wanting one. .

I had my first in the hospital with all the drugs and my other three at home with a midwife and with nothing. It was bad but not that bad and I have no pain tolerance.

I also worked in L&D, nursery and NICU for a couple years and can answer anything you want to know.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I never even had the urge to push; I'm wondering if it's because the baby was stuck. I know that the position is important because it hits on nerves that create that feeling.