For those that did it-did you find pregnancy "discomfiting"
I have always wondered if it was my spectrum that made this true for me:
Pregnancy was practically violating, and gross
For me, in addition to the way too personal checkups, the change in diet, center of gravity, bowel movements, you name it.....
The feel of something moving independent against my skin where I couldn't reach , adjust or push away had me irritable a lot, sometimes almost panic attack anxious. It had me queasy not for hormones or stomach pressure, but for emotional gut response of disgust.
It may be also because my children are larger side (9lbs and up and 24in+) even born 4-6 weeks early. I have pictures of hands and feet clearly visible under my skin, even whole form once with my middle son.
My skin would crawl and I would be as snappy as Chihuahua on a couch. Inside my head, when they were really active, I'd be screaming like some horror movie.
So I just wondered if it was my unique reaction or shared by some on the spectrum
(BTW I love babies and kids. If not for the guys wanting a "one of their own" id be all about the adoption >_<)
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FFFFF Captchas.
I went first. I never had real by the book "warm fuzzies" though my logical mind had relief that movement = alive.
But that was a learned response after some unpleasant experiences.
My son that died was my 12th pregnancy. My daughter was lucky 13 (I had required a very minor surgical procedure than made smooth sailing for first trimester after problem was corrected)
But my reaction varied from mildly grossed out to just short of panic attack as the sensation became stronger with size
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FFFFF Captchas.
I wouldn't adopt honestly unless it was from a mother that is pregnant and putting it up for an adoption but I wouldn't want one from foster care or from an orphanage because those babies seem to have major issues such as RAD due to past abuse or neglect or because they were shuffled from home to home, they didn't learn to bond.
My first pregnancy was okay, I enjoyed it even though there were some disadvantages like sore legs after being on them for too long, back feeling uncomfortable off and on, organs being squished when I would sit and losing my appetite in my last month of my pregnancy.
My second one, I was so ready to be done with this pregnancy because my daughter pushed on my rib cage so it was uncomfortable, it was uncomfortable when she moved and she was rough with me, I had anemia so I had to take iron pills and that made me constipated but it was better than being short of breath and tired. Plus she dropped so there was lot of pressure down there and it was very hard to stand and move so I always wanted to sit. It was good I took maternity leave at 38 weeks because that week was the hardest and work would have been dreadful.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
I was severely ill during my pregnancy, so there wasn't much I enjoyed about it. It really affected my mental health and did serious damage to my physical health as well.
However, the bright bits came from knowing I had the baby inside me. When she kicked, it was definitely a high point.
Hiccups were a different matter. I don't know if it was the general feel of them or the rhythm, but they made me feel really frustrated. I found it cute that they were happening, but couldn't get over this feeling of annoyance at how it felt.
The movement never bothered me. I thought it was cool in a kind of "Aliens" way.
Not being able to take a deep breath in my third trimester was much more panic-inducing. There were a few times I had to lock myself in the bathroom and lean over the sink with my eyes closed (I could breathe better in that position) until the urge to freak out subsided.
I found my second pregnancy much easier considering I knew what to expect second time around. My first was a good pregnancy but I was so sensitive to every movement and discomfort. I wasn't grossed out as such but I would be a work in a meeting with my boss and have to stop talking mid sentence because my bub was moving and I couldn't concentrate on anything else. The hardest part for me was the invasiveness of each doctors appointment and the birth itself.
I hated being pregnant. I hated having my body and choices hijacked by a fetus. Pregnancy was nothing but a means to get to an ardently desired end-- a child.
Which led to the thing I hated most-- the anxiety. Forty weeks of unending terror.
Movement was the ONLY thing I didn't hate. Well, that and having license to eat a lot of cheese and be emotional.
Movement momentarily reassured me that the baby was OK, so it gave me warm fuzzies.
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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
GeekChic
Toucan
Joined: 12 Aug 2014
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 276
Location: deep in the catacombs of academia
I have had four pregnancies, and have two live children. My body had trouble maintaining pregnancy, so that aspect was scary. I really hated the violation that was required seemingly constantly by doctors, nurses, and sometimes students!! Having someone inside who moves without your control or will is pretty surreal and at times made me feel like I might fall over or pass out. Despite the difficulties and weirdness of pregnancy number one, I did it again 10 years later. I handled the regular fetal movement sensations much better, but the pains and aches were rough! I am glad that part of my life (reproduction) is over. My children are awesome, but I wish there was a better way.
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“Like a running blaze on a plain, like a flash of lightning in the clouds. We live in the flicker.”
― Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
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