Anyone ID as transmen/genderqueers?

Post Reply New Topic

I've noticed lots of bi women/lesbians on WP, how about transmen & genderqueers? Perhaps a show of hands?

*raises hand*

*raises hand and waves * I identify as transgendered, although I haven't come out to anyone IRL yet. I've tried giving hints, but people seem almost determined to not understand what I'm trying to tell them...

*waves back*

I find it difficult to talk about too; even to my lesbian friends, I usually vaguely allude to my 'gender identity issues'.

I identify as a mostly gay transfellow (though I am sometimes attracted to women as well, mainly butch/andro types), and I am married to a straight man* which complicates things. I actively cross-dress and most people assume, based on my appearance, that I am a lesbian. But I get 'Sir' plenty as well.

When I started reading more about AS, I was amazed at how much Testosterone plays a role. I definitely have excess, but I've obviously embraced it. I have no plans to alter my body, though.

-------------------

* I compromise for this very understanding person by sometimes wearing lipstick with my butch clothes.

I have to admit, I've considered having gender reassignment surgery before now, but I don't think I'd ever be brave enough to go through with it. ;^^ As for orientation, I'm not quite sure what I am yet. I'm definitely attracted to girls, but I'm not sure if I'm into guys so much or not. Still, for now I usually just say "bi until further notice".

And I'd love to be mistaken for "sir", that must be so cool! Unfortunately I think my figure kind of ruins the effect...

Another wave!

I only recently started actively questioning my 'gender issues', since I denied it before, but I know it's been there all along. Two friends (female) and my parents know about it. I am considering sex reassignment surgery, but are not sure yet - yes, it is VERY scary!

Somebody told me many Asperger females have gender issues, so I joined this forum...?

The one surgery I really would be tempted to have is top surgery, but I think it would be a bridge too far for my husband (and I'd be effectively outing myself to the world as trans, something I'm not quite ready for...) If that weren't an issue I'd think about it, but I doubt I'd actually transition; while I definitely lean far toward the male side, my identity is not solid, 100% male enough to make the jump. Cross-dressing helps satisfy me a lot, though!

Fortunately I already decided to leave the hubby earlier this year, before events reminded me of my gender issues

I am scared what other people would say; will they still accept me? But as a friend pointed out, if that is the only reason for not doing it... you're obviously untrue to yourself. And what is more important in the end?

Most people with AS have gender issues, both male and female, and that includes people who are not bi or gay in their sexual orientation or consider themselves transgender. It's pretty much a general trait of AS, even though not widely acknowledged since 1) people often are uneasy talking/hearing about gender issues, 2) because of the difficultly many Aspie have articulating interior experiences, many have great difficulties talking about it and 3) too often when the phrase "gender issue" is mentioned, some people think it refers specifically to bi/gays or transgender people, so they might think it doesn't apply to them.

Aspies as a norm have trouble simply fitting into the conventional gender roles, even someone like me who's hetero and does not consider myself trans. Throughout my life I have been criticized for gravitating toward more "masculine" interests and behaviors, and I have be confronted by a lot of conflict and hostility because of my "masculine" tendencies. But I've never genuinely felt I was male in my gender identity, nor have I felt the need to question my identity as female. But question what society thinks about my gender? Yes. Or how I shoudl express my gender? Yes. I've know transgenders IRL and I know quite clearly by that contrast what I am dealing with is a gender role issue (or gender expression issue, as some say), and not a gender identity issue. From society's prespective, my attitude toward gender roles is contentious and in need of correction, but I would strongly disagree with that. I just think gender roles ought to be broader, more flexible and less coercive.

I think it's a little easier for people who are bi/gay or trans to talk about their gender role/gender expression issues because issues of sexual orientation and gender identity have been discussed more openly in recent years so that it provides them from a context and vocabulary to talk about it. For people like me who society thinks should just be sexually "normal" yet somehow am not, it's a little more challenging. I have tried talking about it more openly, yet people don't seem to be getting it. They're either like "So you're striaght and happy to be female....what's the problem?" or "You probably are a lesbian or trans, but haven't be able to admit it yet."

Me too.
I actually joined, and spent a few months on, a site for butches, femmes and trans, because the closest i could get to expressing the way i felt was as if i was "a gay guy in a womans body" ( looking for another gay guy in a womens body, i thought, but now understand that that might not be the case exactly either! ). I introduced myself to the site like that too, which didn't go down too well!
But it turned out that i wasn't butch, wasn't femme, wasn't interested in transitioning. I just don't feel as if i am what is called "a woman", because it doesn't describe me. I'm some sort of weird mixture. It took me four months and lots of thought, asking questions on that site before i realised i wasn't any of those three. What did work as "label" was "gender-queer", but as you say it suggests that it's me whose in a mess, rather than the whole gender structure. ( On the other hand as soon as realised i might be AS i realised why i had found radical feminism so liberating 18 years ago, it justified, and seemed to explain, why i had found femininity so oppressive and crushing!! As an Aspie the extra, often illogical, social code of femininity was even more of a burden to create/copy)
And even my sexuality doesn't fit conveniently into gay, straight or even bi, but just "queer", especially in how it seems to be very linked to situation/dynamic rather than person. But that's another story!!

I consider myself psychologically androgynous if that counts. I feel like a mix of male and female rather than distinctly one or the other. My outward appearance is a female, but inside I feel androgynous and leaning more towards male. In a way I think it would be cool to be a male, but I'd never do anything like surgery or make myself look like a guy.

I do sort of have a negative attitude about my biological gender. I don't like to be considered girly or really be associated with the feminine, but most of the time I'm ok with it. If someone called me "sir" or mistook me for a guy I think that would be cool, but I don't want to change my appearance really.

I'll call myself genderqueer if I really need a label. It's not something I think about unless it comes up... but gender and gender roles do tend to come up. When I think about it, I usually feel like I'm a feminine male... but today I feel like I'm just barely on the female side of androgynous. Odd. (I'm biologically female, for the record.) I've sometimes wondered what it would be like to go on testosterone, but I'm not sure I'll ever make that leap. I feel reasonably comfortable as I am. It helps that I often "pass" as male without particularly trying... though never, I suspect, as a straight male.

Nice to see some like-gendered folks here. I'm curious, does anyone else have trouble stopping themselves from mentally assigning (inevitably) gendered pronouns to other people? I really wish there was a good gender-neutral third-person pronoun set...

AspieMartian, Thank you for your reply on the AS and gender identity. Yes, it certainly is easier nowadays to talk about these things. I met a couple of FtM's in the area, which makes for great chats!!

UnfoldedCranes, there is a set of gender-neutral pronouns. I learned about them on the t-vox site (http://www.t-vox.org/index.php?title=Trans_101), hir, zir for him/her and ze, zie, sie for s/he.

Btw, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist who deals specifically with trans people. I can only see him 18 Jan tho... my psychologist recommended I start living like a man. I'm feeling rather serious about it now, but also very scared, it's a big thing.

Same for me... I took that MMPI test thing, and results came back that I was "psychologically androgynous" or whatever as well, and a few other tests had me score higher as masculine than feminine, but both were so low didn't matter one way or other... I am what I am, neither particularly male nor female, although I think my brain thinks in a more male thought pattern...

And good luck Electroart, wisht he best of luck to you on that, gonna try to go through that therapy to talk/walk like a guy as well and stuff?

Btw, notice how almost all the transgender/neutral people here are biologically girls? Did I miss someone? o.O;; (Oh wait... womens discussion... ignore me ^^... but still, some guys come in here <.<)

Hi Tsiiki,

Thanx for leaving your last line in - it makes for a good laug on a Sunday morning LOL

I've always been in trouble with my Mom for walking 'wrong', so I don't have to change the walk, just the talk

Is it okay with you all if I join in here a bit?
I'm a genetic male who's been going through all this gender identity/dysphoria stuff for several years now.
I belong to a local group with transwomen, transmen, and those of us sort of in-between.

I'll check back and I'll understand if someone would rather I not come back here