Burnout and sexism at work

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Hello! I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed, living in the UK, 23 and doing a PhD in chemistry.

Although I don't like using functioning labels, up until recently I considered myself reasonably "high-functioning". I graduated top of my class in undergrad, have had papers published and am super-organised, meticulous, methodical etc (all great for scientific research!) I live independently and enjoy it a lot. I rely a lot on scripts for socialising but it's something I consider myself to be good at most of the time. However in the last four months since I moved to a new city started my PhD all that has disappeared. I'm now totally disorganised, unable to focus, experience constant "brain fog" and can't seem to get any work done; it's almost impossible for me to even go grocery shopping or do basic housework. From everything I've read and experienced, I seem to be going through autistic burnout, which has happened once or twice before but not to this extent.

On top of all this, I have a senior male coworker who has made life very difficult for me. He claims I am being rude to him all the time, that I have a bad attitude and that I am incompetent and incapable of doing my job or working independently; this is mostly because I don't always follow his advice and like to do things my way, or I am just plain too exhausted to be detail-oriented with my work any more (I am very low on spoons right now) In a way, I know he is probably right, and I've told him that - of course I can't focus on details when I'm feeling like this! But I have no idea if I am being rude to him. He seems overly sensitive to everything I say, but it's so hard to tell if this is normal... yesterday I made a mistake because he left me unsupervised while showing me something, and when I tried to explain my learning methods to him he took this as an offense to his teaching methods, and then went on a rant about how he expects far more from me, and he doubts my intelligence. I tried to explain to him that I have some issues with self-esteem that he is not helping with, and that I am autistic and a woman working in an (all male, very stressful) working environment. He says this is no excuse. When I got upset and overwhelmed he called me weak and childish.

Am I being unreasonable in my behaviour towards my coworker? And what are some ways to cope with burnout?

I think a chat with Human Resources would be wise, he isn't helping the situation with your potential burn out. Be kind to yourself don't beat yourself up, it happens to us all. Ideally take a holiday, do things that make you happy, explore your new home and come back to it refreshed. Tell us how you get on, feel better.

Is your co-worker your supervisor, assigned mentor, or just "helping" you because you are new? In other words, do you have to report to your co-worker as part of your job? If not, he has no business criticizing you like that or in that way, and it would be a matter for human resources. Also, if he is not your direct supervisor, is it possible to make a request to work with someone else? He may or may not be correct in his assessment of your abilities, but there is an obvious conflict in working with him and his attitude toward you, and that attitude is probably contributing towards the difficulties you are having.

"he assigned this guy as a mentor of sorts to answer my questions and talk me through the operation of some machines I'm unfamiliar with"

It sounds like what this guy has been trying to do is a lot more than what your supervisor intended, and that he's been going about it in a negative way, and might also be on a bit of a power trip. Use him as a 'mentor" to answer questions and how to operate unfamiliar machines - otherwise, you aren't responsible to him, and you don't need to explain yourself to him, nor should you take his "opinion" about your job performance to heart. What matters is what your supervisor thinks about you, and while he may get a "report" from the person he assigned as your mentor, what you do and how you present yourself is more important than what he says. Focus on the job and what you can, don't let him stress you out more.

Working through the burnout really sucks. It sounds like you are a very capable, competent, and intelligent person. The stress and worry from going through the diagnostic process probably is not helping either and might be contributing to the burnout (I went through something very similar the last couple of months and just received my official diagnosis a couple of weeks ago). To deal with it, I chose one thing to try to focus on and keep up with (mainly my job) And let everything else go. My house was a horrid disaster, I overspent my budget by eating out, personal relationships went....but I just barely managed to keep my job performance up, and I've been able to slowly start adding back in and attending to the other things. One thing that I've read about being on the spectrum is that we are working with less/reduced executive function. Meaning sometimes if we try to do it all, we crash and burn and have to limit resources. So let it all go, and focus on one thing. And do something nice for yourself too