A question for married/engaged women.

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When it comes to getting married did/does what kind of wedding you have matter to you? I know lots of NT women having a wedding they can go all bridezilla and go crazy trying to have some perfect wedding and really stress about it, but for women on the autism spectrum I would think that would be far less likely to be an issue. So if you are married, what kind of wedding did you have, and did it matter much how big/perfect it was, and for those that are engaged how much does the wedding itself mean?

Personally, I didn't care much.

I had a nice dress in mind (I don't usually want dresses, so wanted one that I felt both beautiful and confident in), and I wanted all of my family there as I believe that a wedding should be a celebration of love and family, so I didn't want a small and intimate wedding for that reason, but aside from that nothing mattered to me. My husband planned the entire wedding because I had no interest - all that mattered to me was that I was marrying the man I loved with the other people that I cared about around me.

In the end we had a lovely hotel wedding with family, close friends and some work colleagues (husband and I both worked in the same place). Quickest ceremony ever - they made us add extra bits in to extend it, because it would have been over in a couple of minutes, and even then we were at the minimum length. Then photographs outside in the Italian gardens. Then a three course meal with speeches. Then a little disco at night. Everything in one venue to minimise the stress (photographer had wanted to drive us somewhere to get some different photographs, but that didn't go ahead).

I'm engaged and I'd love to have a traditional wedding at a church. I have a lot of family to invite but I'm not sure which friends to invite. I have the fear of friends not turning up, or getting upset if they knew I had a wedding without inviting them. I guess I could just have a 'family only' wedding, but I don't want my partner's family to think I haven't got any friends. I do have friends but only a small amount, and some don't like social occasions. Also I have never organised a social occasion before, and I've never really had a social occasion that's centered around me (other than birthday parties at my house), and it'd feel weird to have friends and colleagues turning up at my own wedding.

In my fantasy, I wanted something small but still beautiful and unique. I wanted a nice dress and for our two young boys to be in something equally fancy. But when it got closer to time, I gave up. I realized it just wasn't me. I was focusing too much on what seemed "normal." Working so hard and spending so much money to create a memory that is bound to start deteriorating in my head shortly thereafter just didn't seem worth it. So we last minute decided to just go get married within a week at the park in front of a giant fountain. I had my parents there and he had his aunt and sister there. I didn't even wear a white dress. Instead, it was salmon in color. I don't regret my decision at all.

I'm also engaged and am hoping to have a small quirky wedding. Ive always wanted , to plan a wedding because I enjoy picking out the decor and choosing things that reflect our personalities. Also it's fun to look at dresses and be a princess for a day. I think some women take the planning way to far. It should be a fun and exciting time fot the both of you not some absolutely perfected plan that makes those involved miserable.

My main issue is having the money to spare.

The idea of having to plan some big traditional wedding and reception is awful. I have a hard time even going to someone else's and staying through the whole thing, nevermind having to choose linens and flower arrangements and a DJ and a caterer and invitations and every other stupid thing.

My dream wedding would be to get married at the courthouse and then have a nice dinner at a restaurant with some immediate family & friends. There's a restaurant that I like that has a party room with a bar. I would like to have some music and a little dancing.

My fiance wants a big wedding, because he thinks we should, but he doesn't want to plan it.

I'm engaged, and my fiancee wants a church wedding, but if I could, I'd have a simpler wedding mostly because I don't want to spend thousands for one day, when I would rather focus on what happens after the wedding and honeymoon are over. I'm willing to compromise on the church ceremony, but I'll do whatever I can to keep costs as low as possible including just sticking to one dress for the entire event. I mention just having one dress because some bridezillas feel the need to have 2-3 dresses, one for the ceremony, and sometimes, 2 reception dresses.

Well I am in a long term relationship so not planning to get with anyone else. But if we have any sort of ceremony I don't want a Christian based one in a church. I'd prefer to look into some kind of pagan ceremony or just have nothing much at all...and I suppose I feel if people didn't like that well, that is their problem.

^Me, too.

When I was going to get married the plans were bring a vicar to a pub, invite our friends to said pub and put money behind the bar for free drinks and food, over and done with. But I decided I didn't want a relationship at all so that never went ahead. If I bother with a relationship again I imagine something similar will happen if I do want that but it's not looking likely.

I never wanted anything fancy, I'd rather just enjoy myself and not spend unnecessary money to show off with when I could just go on a cruise or something with it instead.

When I was engaged, I wanted the big church wedding, and a reception with all the trimmings----I even had my gown picked-out (Victorian, off-white, with a veil on the hat - looked like all that was missing, was a parasol [like the fashions in "Mary Poppins"])----but, that didn't work-out, and I told the next guy, who I was considering marrying: "Two suits and two stand-ups, and down the aisle we go!!". LOL

My husband and I had a small, sweet ceremony this past November. He did all the planning, and he did a fantastic job at it. No stress.

You are right -- certainly never wanted a bridezilla type thing, and husband was thrilled about that.

We had a small wedding with only close family and a few friends. If I'd invited a lot of people, I think I'd have died from anxiety.

I had a lovely dress, though, and a lovely ceremony and dinner. All the nice stuff, but small scale and not bridezilla-style.

I would prefer to not have a wedding celebration at all or immensely tiny of one if that.
The marraige contract suffices for me

unfortunately I'll be likely forced to attend/participate in a huge wedding party extravaganza because it's a big deal in Saudi Arabia where I should be moving
but I'm certain that wedding parties are more for the guests than the bride/groom
or I feel that way, so I wouldn't feel it's in my favor as much as me having to do a favor for those who love me
little price to pay to be married

When I got engaged I knew I didn't want a traditional wedding. (I don't usually like a traditional anything.) The idea of spending gobs of money we didn't have just didn't even sound appealing.

But we did have what I considered to be a beautiful wedding. We chose our location wisely. My mother used to volunteer for a historical home which has gorgeous grounds and they rented to us inexpensively. We came the previous day with our own store-bought decorations and we all worked to fix the place up nicely. My mother's best friend spent that day making us absolutely GORGEOUS flower decor as well as my bouquet. And my husband's and my best friend (who was my hubby's best man) spent the day before making us an incredible 3 story carrot wedding cake!

We were surrounded by family, friends, and we made it our day. It didn't cost a whole lot of money-- maybe $1,500-$2,000 for everything, including the rental. And it was a lovely day.

The thing that made it so lovely was that the people we loved came and pitched in and helped us create it all. THAT'S the thing that has left its lasting impression on me. Even the pastor who married us was a long time friend of my family. So everything was very cozy and personal. It was ideal.

You can't buy those kind of memories with money.