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Combating need to be loved?

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blooiejagwa
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17 Jun 2018, 11:24 pm

I truly believe there are some ppl to whom love is allotted and others to whom little or close to none is allotted

The thing is I don’t know whether this is anAurism thing but I’m always trying to figure out what is wanted of or expected from me
And if I don’t seem to please ppl or get it right, I feel extremely depressed

I’ve come to accept that I will NEVER be loved /valued as a lot of girls are but it doesn’t stop me from wanting that

But with all my autism stuff I feel like I intrinsically repulse ppl and get everything wrong
No matter how hard I try n research n try to figure out what ppl want from me
It never works

How do this type of Autistic women get past that disappointment in themselves fr not being lovable and what is the next better thing to aim for?


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hobojungle
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18 Jun 2018, 9:14 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
How do this type of Autistic women get past that disappointment in themselves fr not being lovable and what is the next better thing to aim for?


I like to try to be of use. The other humans may be more likely to regard my idiosyncrasies benevolently if I am being of some positive use to them & the world at large. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture either. My current mission is to rid my parents’ flowerbeds of weeds & they’ve been most appreciative.



kraftiekortie
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18 Jun 2018, 10:01 am

I actually believe that Blooie and Hobo are quite loveable.....



hobojungle
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18 Jun 2018, 11:06 am

hobojungle wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
How do this type of Autistic women get past that disappointment in themselves fr not being lovable and what is the next better thing to aim for?


I like to try to be of use. The other humans may be more likely to regard my idiosyncrasies benevolently if I am being of some positive use to them & the world at large. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture either. My current mission is to rid my parents’ flowerbeds of weeds & they’ve been most appreciative.


Something else that has helped me is spirituality: cultivating a relationship with a higher power through meditation.

Thank you kk, you too are a loveable human. :) I also can be quite “unloveable” at times :oops:



blooiejagwa
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18 Jun 2018, 1:46 pm

hobojungle wrote:
blooiejagwa wrote:
How do this type of Autistic women get past that disappointment in themselves fr not being lovable and what is the next better thing to aim for?


I like to try to be of use. The other humans may be more likely to regard my idiosyncrasies benevolently if I am being of some positive use to them & the world at large. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture either. My current mission is to rid my parents’ flowerbeds of weeds & they’ve been most appreciative.


OK thanks for mentioning that it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. I could cook for my mom so she doesn’t have to


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hobojungle
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18 Jun 2018, 1:54 pm

Yes, the way to human’s hearts is through our stomachs. Make sure it’s something you enjoy doing too, that way if your effort is taken for granted you can still feel good about it.



hurtloam
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18 Jun 2018, 4:28 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
I truly believe there are some ppl to whom love is allotted and others to whom little or close to none is allotted

The thing is I don’t know whether this is anAurism thing but I’m always trying to figure out what is wanted of or expected from me
And if I don’t seem to please ppl or get it right, I feel extremely depressed

I’ve come to accept that I will NEVER be loved /valued as a lot of girls are but it doesn’t stop me from wanting that

But with all my autism stuff I feel like I intrinsically repulse ppl and get everything wrong
No matter how hard I try n research n try to figure out what ppl want from me
It never works

How do this type of Autistic women get past that disappointment in themselves fr not being lovable and what is the next better thing to aim for?


I'm still trying to work this out at 36.

I like blooiejagwa's answer. It reminds me of one of my favourite quotes.

Quote:
I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered, it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it.
L.M. Montgomery -Anne of Green Gables



blooiejagwa
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23 Jun 2018, 11:22 am

That is a very important quote to keep in mind/ thanks for sharing it.


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