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How can I be a better friend to a woman with ASD?

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bcreinhardt
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10 Jul 2018, 11:29 am

Hi there,

While I do not have ASD, but am not neurotypical either (I have ADHD), I do have a friend/acquaintance who I have recently learned to possibly be on the spectrum. From what I have learned so far, I am afraid I have done some damage to this person while trying to build a friendship with her. Are there any women out there with ASD who might be willing to share some of the "do's" and "don'ts" on being a good friend to a woman with autism? My goal is to be more compassionate and supportive of some of the challenges that exist, however I am not very educated on the topic. Any tips are well appreciated! :)

Cheers,

Brit



Slug on a Bike
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10 Jul 2018, 11:39 am

Don't finish her sentences.



kraftiekortie
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10 Jul 2018, 11:46 am

Don't treat her like she has autism.



Chronos
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15 Jul 2018, 8:01 pm

bcreinhardt wrote:
Hi there,

While I do not have ASD, but am not neurotypical either (I have ADHD), I do have a friend/acquaintance who I have recently learned to possibly be on the spectrum. From what I have learned so far, I am afraid I have done some damage to this person while trying to build a friendship with her. Are there any women out there with ASD who might be willing to share some of the "do's" and "don'ts" on being a good friend to a woman with autism? My goal is to be more compassionate and supportive of some of the challenges that exist, however I am not very educated on the topic. Any tips are well appreciated! :)

Cheers,

Brit


Everyone is different, even those with ASD. I really only have two peices of generalized advice.

1. Ask your friend what she needs you to know with respect to her having an ASD.

2. If your friend does something that upsets you, first try to give her the benefit of the doubt that it was unintentional or there was perhaps a misunderstanding or miscommunication. That should be ceded to everyone though.



HistoryGal
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22 Jul 2018, 5:57 pm

Don't manipulate her. Don't play social games at her expense. Be honest.



czarsmom
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23 Jul 2018, 5:51 pm

Don't talk down to her, treat her like a child, or tell her what to do. (I'm assuming she is an adult). Do listen, be understanding. Don't act like her being autistic is a tragedy. Don't assume stereotypical autistic traits of her. Do be empathetic, and be there for her emotionally.


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superaliengirl
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29 Jul 2018, 3:58 pm

Be honest and don't play mindgames with her, say what you mean right away.

Don't get upset/take it personally if she does not have the energy to hang out or talk whenever you want to/need time alone, it's common with aspergers that you have little energy especially for social things and it has nothing to do with you.

Be understanding of her limits and don't see her as an autist only, she's a person with her own personal traits so define her by those but also accept the fact that she is not neurotypical and will therefore never act exactly like one.

Be aware that being on the spectrum also involves your senses being more sensitive than a neurotypicals but to which degree is different from person to person. This means she may or may not be comfortable with physical contact and might be sensitive to loud noises, bright lights and strong scents. You can ask her about those things to not accidently put her in an uncomfortable situation.

Being on the spectrum is not a big deal, it can be tough in certain situations but it's not some awful thing. Just be a decent human being and a good friend and it should all work out just fine.