What were you like as a child?

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And did anyone (parents, teachers, etc.) suspect ASD or any other issues? What age were you diagnosed? I'm just curious to hear experiences from women on the spectrum, since I know that symptoms often manifest differently in females, and they often tend to go undiagnosed. I'm a 26-year-old female, and I have wondered for a few years if I'm on the spectrum, because I seem to have some symptoms and I'm not really sure what else might explain some of them. But on the other hand, some things make me doubt that I'd be diagnosed with ASD, and most of it has to do with how normal my childhood was. These are the main things that make me doubt it:

-I don't have a lot of sensory issues, at least not to the degree that I see most people with ASD describe (they've never been so bad that they cause me to have meltdowns or anything). The only issues I really remember from my childhood are that I was terrified of loud noises, and I tended to be a bit picky about the texture of food. I still tend to be bothered by loud noises now (not afraid though...more annoyed that anything...I can actually get REALLY enraged at the sound of someone chewing, coughing, sneezing, or clearing their throat really loudly...but that almost sounds more like a condition I read about called misophonia, which is a separate condition from ASD...not sure if the two tend to be comorbid). I do have light and smell sensitivity to a degree. I can't really tolerate bright light in my face, and I always have to wear shades and keep my eyes shut when I go to the dentist because I can't tolerate that overhead light shining in my face. Certain smells can make me gag and have to stay out of the room (not just truly "gross" smells, but anything that's just really strong, especially like if a strong-smelling food is being cooked). And this is going to sound weird and be a little hard to explain, but I also sometimes have sensory issues that are kind of imagined/in my head. For example, I have to brush my hair as soon as I get up in the morning, not because I'm worried about how it looks, but because I "feel" the fact that it's tangled and it bothers me so much. I especially can't go outside with unbrushed hair (especially if it's particularly hot or cold out) because that heightens the "feeling". I also have this weird thing where I won't eat anything with a strong aftertaste if I know I'm going to have to go outside afterwards and don't have a way to brush my teeth, because again, there's something about having a strong taste in my mouth and going out in the cold/heat that bothers me and seems to heighten my sensitivity. Again, I know it's weird. I don't know if this might be more related to something else, like OCD. But I have pretty much had this issue since I was a kid.

-I didn't consistently have meltdowns as a child. I started out having them when I was a toddler, but I know most toddlers do have them at least occasionally, whether they are autistic or not. I did have some fairly extreme ones, and I don't know whether they'd be considered "normal" or not. Because I did actually self-harm sometimes when I had these meltdowns. The most memorable incidents (obviously I don't remember myself, but my parents and older brother still talk about it) were once when I scratched my chest so badly that I was bleeding, and another time when I bashed my head into a brick wall. My mom has said that I didn't typically have meltdowns when I didn't get my way like a lot of young kids do, but that I just kind of "flared up" sometimes. She did also say that I went through a phase where I preferred her over my dad and would have a meltdown if my dad tried to do something like give me a bath because I wanted her to do it. Again, this is probably something that plenty of NT kids do too (preferring one parent over the other), but again, I don't know if the self-harming was normal or not. But I didn't actually continue to have meltdowns and self-harm as a I got older. Once I got to be 3 or 3 1/2, it's like I went from being pretty temperamental and prone to meltdowns, to being very quiet and shy, and pretty calm, well-behaved, and easygoing for the most part. I will also add that I didn't have any delay in language development, so part of why the meltdowns stopped could have been because I was more able to verbalize when I got frustrated or upset.

Here are the more unusual things about me when I was a child and now:

-I have definitely always gotten fixated on a certain topic and had pretty intense interests. The first interest I remember having was dinosaurs when I was about 4-5. I started to collect toy dinosaurs and memorized the names of all the different kinds. I remember being fascinated when I got my first school yearbook in kindergarten, and I would just sit and look at everyone's names and pictures. I started memorizing the names of so many of the kids I saw in the yearbook, and then I'd recognize them when I saw them in the halls at school and remember their names just from having seen them in the yearbook. (I never actually said anything to them, because I was still extremely shy at that point, and probably had at least some awareness that they'd find it weird that I didn't even know them but I memorized their name from looking at them in a yearbook). When I was 8, I became obsessed with "The Nutcracker" ballet after I saw my friend perform in it. I'd talk about it incessantly, write about it, and draw pictures of different scenes. I also loved to watch different versions of it on TV/video and sort of analyze the similarities and differences. In 5th grade, I developed an interest in US geography, and I remember memorizing all of the state capitals, and also all of the significantly sized cities in each state. I'd also sit at the computer and just look up random cities' weather forecasts. I could sit and do this for hours. I've also always had an interest in the designs of houses. Ever since I was little, I've loved to just go inside new houses that are open to the public and look at them. I really could spend an entire day exploring houses like that. I also like to just look through pictures on the internet of houses that are for sale (since usually, they show pictures of all the rooms inside). I've had some other interests too, but those are the ones I can think of right off the top of my head, since they were particularly intense or lasted a particularly long time. I also tend to get really fixated on the same movies and songs. As a kid, I'd often get really obsessed with a particular movie and watch it almost every day. I did this up until I was about 12, so not just when I was really little. Even now, as an adult, I'll usually be fixated on certain movies and songs for a few weeks at a time, and then move on to something else. I don't go to the extreme of watching the entire movie over and over again (partly because in adult life, you simply don't have time to do that, but I'll watch clips of it on YouTube). And I'll make a playlist on Spotfiy and just listen to those same 10-20 songs over and over again. I'm also really obsessed with dates, and I probably have hundreds of them memorized (the birth dates of pretty much everyone I know, and even people who I don't know that well but have just told me their birthday. I also know the birth dates of all kinds of celebrities and historical figures, and I know the exact release dates of a lot of movies and songs...if not the whole date, I at least remember the month and year). Sometimes I just sit around and come up with random dates in my head when I'm bored.

-I do feel like I am and have always been socially awkward, but my family members and friends tell me I'm too hard o myself and I'm overthinking it. I just remember that even when I was as young as 5 or 6 (around the time I was starting kindergarten), I was thinking about how nice it would be to have some little sidekick with me all the time, that would always be there to tell me how to act and what to say/do when I was at school and in other social situations. I was extremely shy as a young kid, and I almost could have been considered mute up until 2nd grade. I was capable of speaking at school and in other environments besides home, but I just avoided it as much as possible, and usually I'd only ever speak if a teacher or someone else asked me a question that required more than nodding/shaking my head. My teachers really weren't concerned and didn't think anything was wrong with me, but the one complaint that almost all of them had was that I sometimes didn't complete work on time and I didn't ask for help when I needed it. Again, I was so shy and hated speaking so much that if I didn't understand something that I was working on, I refused to ask the teacher for help. I'd just try to figure it out on my own, and if I couldn't, I just gave up and sat there. And I guess I kind of saw having to ask for help as a weakness. I also pretty much refused to ever show any emotion around anyone except for my parents and my brother. Again, once I transformed from the toddler having meltdowns to the quiet and shy kid, I absolutely NEVER would have cried in public, or again, in front of anyone other than my immediate family. For some reason, I just felt like it was shameful to cry in front of others. I only remember one time that I teared up just a little at school, and that was in kindergarten when I couldn't find my backpack at the end of the day and I got frustrated/worried that I couldn't find it. And I remember being so mortified and ashamed of myself for crying in front of my teacher and classmates. And my parents definitely did not influence this (I was allowed to cry and have emotions in front of them, and they didn't scold or punish me for doing so).

And of course, I've gotten a bit better about all of this as I've gotten older. Again, 2nd grade is when I remember kind of coming out of my shell, and I started interacting a bit more with my teachers and classmates. I definitely was still known as a very quiet and shy kid, though. I still have trouble even as an adult asking for help at my jobs (obviously not as much as when I was little though). I still have trouble making eye contact with people, and have never really found in natural to say hi to people, wave, or make small talk. I've also always found it difficult and awkward to use the appropriate tone and pitch in my voice when talking to strangers or people who I'm not used to talking to. I feel like it always comes out either way too monotone, or too fake-sounding. And I am usually the last person to understand a joke, and I often take things people say literally (I often don't realize at first that they're being sarcastic or joking). I also hate being asked questions like "what's up?", because I have no idea how to answer that.

-I've always had bad motor skills. Particularly fine motor skills (I'd say my gross motor skills are a bit better - I actually took gymnastics and dance lessons when I was a kid. I functioned just fine and was able to pick up the moves, even if I wasn't the very first to do so). Even as an adult, I struggle with things that I'd think should be really simple. My parents still comment on the odd way that I hold silverware and open envelopes. I still get really confused sometimes when I'm trying to lock/unlock a door, maneuver objects, try to use a bottle opener, etc. I tried to sew once, when I was required to in my 7th grade home economics class, and let's just say I'm still traumatized to this day and will never touch a sewing machine again. I just couldn't figure out what to do, even after the teacher would demonstrate the steps. We also had written directions, which is usually helpful for me (since I have pretty poor auditory processing skills), but in this case, since I had to read the directions and then try to carry out these steps with my hands, I was totally lost. I actually never could even remember how to thread the sewing machine in the first place. If I am having to do some multi-step task, I at least need to have someone walk me through it about five times before I'll be able to do it on my own. I remember when I used to work at a grocery store, and they were training me to do floor care with one of those big floor scrubbing machines. And you have to go through several steps to set it up and put it together. They showed me how to do it once, and of course expected me to just know what to do the next time, and of course I was completely lost. I also remember hating P.E. class when I was a kid. Even though I did okay at gymnastics and dance, I could NOT play any of the ball sports. I hated having to throw/catch/kick balls, having to try to read the other kids' social cues, and having to get all up in the others' personal space in soccer/basketball. I remember being humiliated when playing softball, because I was up to bat, and I just kept missing the ball over and over again. None of my classmates had that much difficulty.

I think I have always stimmed since I was young. I don't remember doing the really stereotypical autism stims like hand flapping, but I have always done things with my fingers. As a kid, I'd just shake/wiggle my fingers a lot. And I did pretty much exactly what the little girl in this video is doing: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_O8vyrSt0Q&t=9s). I would even do it a lot when reading books just like she is. I still even do that as an adult. I feel like doing that with my fingers makes it easier for me to focus on and comprehend what I'm reading. I also do this thing where I flick my fingers. I place my ring finger on top of my index finger, and then move the ring finger down really quickly so that my middle finger clicks against the index. I do it when I'm excited or engaging in one of my interests. I do have enough control over it to where I only do it in private. If I'm in public or in the presence of others, I'll usually just kind of wring my hands together, or squeeze my fingers together, because that's not as noticeable and people wouldn't think it's as strange. And while I know it's not good for me, I grind and clank my teeth together constantly. I tend to do that both when I'm upset/frustrated and when I'm excited or thinking about something I'm interested in. I also have a weird stim where I press my two front teeth against my bottom lip and then clank them against my bottom teeth, because I like the feeling. And I constantly pick my fingernails.

I also tend to be clumsy, and unintentionally get in people's way a lot. I seem to have pretty poor spacial awareness, and I'm absolutely awful with directions. I honestly don't think I would have even survived if I had lived in the days before GPS and Google Maps. I do drive, and have had my license since I was 17, but it's very difficult for me to drive in unfamiliar places. I get bad anxiety, and sometimes the fear of driving somewhere really unknown, or where I know the traffic will be heavy and I'll have to try to merge in it, keeps me from going places and doing things. I'm just kind of concerned and wondering if it's worth it to seek a diagnosis, because as I get older and have more demands, I seem to have a harder time. I still don't even feel like an adult. I still live with my parents, and I honestly don't know how I'll do once I move out and try living on my own. I can certainly take care of myself, but I feel like trying to pay bills etc. would be a disaster. I struggle enough just keeping up with the few bills I have right now while still living at home. I still dread having to make phone calls to unfamiliar people. I still have imaginary friends and like to spend a lot of my time living in a fantasy world that I've created in my head (something else I've been doing since I was a young kid). I have noticed that as I'm getting older, and I guess I'm getting more frustrated sometimes in day-to-day life, I am sort of reverting back to how I was when I was a toddler. I don't actually have full-blown meltdowns where I scream, cry, or make a big scene, but I can get very upset and I do sometimes hit, bite, or scratch myself (I only do the first two in private; sometimes I do scratch myself around other people since it's not that noticeable). I do and always have had a few friends in real life, and I'm mostly okay with that. I don't feel like I make friends easily, but again, since childhood, I have always just had maybe two or three special friends. Starting when I was a teenager, I found that I just didn't relate to most of my peers (especially the girls my age), and I felt like I was mentally/emotionally so much younger. I just kind of bonded and made friends with the few other kids who were kind of like me, and we stayed in our own bubble.

Well, if you actually took the time to read my life story, thank you...I know it was painfully long. I just really wanted to compare my experiences to others'. Based on what I've written, does it sound like I might have ASD (I know no one on here can actually diagnose me), or am I overthinking some of these things? And again, my parents never suspected anything was "wrong" with me (although, I was able to hide a lot of things from them, like a lot of the stimming and the living in my imaginary world), and most of my teachers loved me and thought I was very bright. The only one who ever thought there was an issue was my 3rd grade teacher. She actually told my mom that she thought I might have been having absence seizures because she thought I was zoning out a lot and not focusing. I definitely did daydream a lot as a kid, even at school, but I usually got away with it, because I didn't do it to the point that I wasn't learning. I did wear a kind of blank expression on my face though, and I also remember that she'd call on me a lot when I wasn't raising my hand in an attempt to get me to "participate" more in class, and that was a very awkward situation. I usually didn't know the answer if I wasn't raising my hand, and looking back, I know I should have just said, "I'm not sure", but I'd just sit there and not say anything and look at her blankly, and I think she took that as me not paying attention and not knowing where she was when she called on me. And, I had issues with that home ec teacher I had in 7th grade that I was talking about earlier. I annoyed her every day by doing the sewing steps wrong, never knowing how to thread the machine, and breaking the needles on the sewing machine. She asked me all the time why I couldn't ever "listen and follow directions." But yeah, other than that, I managed to make it through my childhood and teen years fairly smoothly.

I was very quiet and usually preferred to play alone rather than with others. I enjoyed playing pretend in my head, but was too shy to share what I imagined with others. I was a very advanced reader and liked reading adult-oriented things like my mom's grammar books and parenting magazines, though I also liked books intended for my age group. I got easily frustrated and had meltdowns at things like losing a game. My parents did suspect ASD, and I was diagnosed when I was 7.

It does sound like you could be on the spectrum. I don't have severe sensory issues either, though I have some. You don't have to have debilitating sensory issues or meltdowns to have autism.

I was non verbal until I was four years old. I was always quiet and kept to myself. I had meltdowns when my parents made me go somewhere I didn't want to go such as church. I hated the churches that we went to when I was a kid because people were snobs and weren't accepting of people with autism. Kids were always mean to me at school and I never really had any friends at school except for my best friend in middle school and high school. I was known as the weird girl. I daydreamed a lot in school and I doodled. I didn't really participate in class unless the teacher called on me. I participated in class a lot more in my senior year because some of the classes I took that year were really interesting and I really liked the teachers. I love wrestling and have been watching it for pretty much my whole life. I love watching sitcoms and stand up comedy. Two and a Half Men is one of my favorite shows of all time. My favorite comedians are Robin Williams, Gabriel Inglesias, and Larry the Cable Guy.

i was stubborn, loud and mean to kittens.

I was diagnosed in 9th grade. My parents pushed for a diagnosis because I was having trouble in one of my classes and I needed an IEP. My sister had an IEP for quite awhile. She struggled more in school than I did. She had her IEP for a learning disability, but she didn't officially get diagnosed with autism until her junior year because schools didn't want to do any more for students than they absolutely had to. Teachers knew I was different, but they didn't see my autism because I had good grades and they didn't want to do any additional paperwork or have to follow an IEP. If the teachers had been paying attention to how I was being bullied everyday by my classmates and struggling socially, they could have seen my autism as the reason why I'm different.

I was very social and made friends quite easily and was like that for my first 2 school years but the longer I went to school the worse I got. Nobody liked me and I did not understand why or what I was doing wrong so I isolated myself eventually and didn't even mind it as I enjoyed being alone but I was often told that socializing is important so I was pushed to socialize with the other kids which started the bullying as nothing got better by me forcing kids who did not like me to tolerate me hanging around after them and trying to talk to them against their will which is what I started doing. I got my diagnose very late so nobody could help me. The teachers knew that something wasn't right but they didn't know what so occasionally they'd try to help me socialize with the other kids but it always failed because they did nothing right and mostly blamed me for the bullying by telling me that if I start acting more like everyone else nobody would be mean to me anymore and I would have friends. I also have sensory issues and would cover my ears at all loud noises as a kid which I also got made fun of for, the other kids would try to make me stop covering my ears or stare at me and laugh. I really wish I had gotten my diagnose as a kid because it might've made a difference but who knows.
My family started suspecting I had ASD when I was a teenager.

QOUTE: "
I also tend to be clumsy, and unintentionally get in people's way a lot. I seem to have pretty poor spacial awareness, and I'm absolutely awful with directions. I honestly don't think I would have even survived if I had lived in the days before GPS and Google Maps. I do drive, and have had my license since I was 17, but it's very difficult for me to drive in unfamiliar places. I get bad anxiety, and sometimes the fear of driving somewhere really unknown, or where I know the traffic will be heavy and I'll have to try to merge in it, keeps me from going places and doing things. I'm just kind of concerned and wondering if it's worth it to seek a diagnosis, because as I get older and have more demands, I seem to have a harder time. I still don't even feel like an adult. I still live with my parents, and I honestly don't know how I'll do once I move out and try living on my own. I can certainly take care of myself, but I feel like trying to pay bills etc. would be a disaster. I struggle enough just keeping up with the few bills I have right now while still living at home. I still dread having to make phone calls to unfamiliar people. I still have imaginary friends and like to spend a lot of my time living in a fantasy world that I've created in my head (something else I've been doing since I was a young kid). I have noticed that as I'm getting older, and I guess I'm getting more frustrated sometimes in day-to-day life, I am sort of reverting back to how I was when I was a toddler. I don't actually have full-blown meltdowns where I scream, cry, or make a big scene, but I can get very upset and I do sometimes hit, bite, or scratch myself (I only do the first two in private; sometimes I do scratch myself around other people since it's not that noticeable). I do and always have had a few friends in real life, and I'm mostly okay with that. I don't feel like I make friends easily, but again, since childhood, I have always just had maybe two or three special friends. Starting when I was a teenager, I found that I just didn't relate to most of my peers (especially the girls my age), and I felt like I was mentally/emotionally so much younger. I just kind of bonded and made friends with the few other kids who were kind of like me, and we stayed in our own bubble."

I relate a lot to this.

I don't know if I have an ASD, but I do relate to some of the symptoms, so I hope you don't mind me commenting on this thread.

0-1 year old: Fairly normal baby, quite small though from being born prematurely. The only somewhat unusual behaviour was that I didn't cry much so I was fairly quiet for that age.

2-3 years old: Somewhat normal development so far, albeit a bit timid and overly cautious. Tended to second guess myself. Some signs here and there of sensory sensitivity. Notable speech issues.

4-5 years old- This is when I started to worry people. I was selectively mute for just under a year. People put this down to me being insecure about my stutter and slight lisp.

These days (thanks to speech therapy) I no longer stutter or lisp, except when I'm nervous occasionally.

I didn't take part in any forms of communication, including written or body language/ non-verbal cues. As a result, I was highly withdrawn from everyone except my sister and would often play alone avoiding others, especially making sure to avoid big crowds of people.

6-7 years old: Definite improvement at this stage, but made some silly social mistakes. Once punched a girl because I thought she was seriously insulting me when she was actually just joking. Rather literal minded. Still uncomfortable with crowds, and would freak out if people got physically too close to me.

8-9 years old: Highly imaginative, developed a detailed paracosm partly as a way to cope with the World. Played pretend with other children.

9 and a bit--10 years old- My teachers weren't quite sure what to make of me, and sent me to a counsellor. Apparently I didn't explain my thoughts very well, so the connections I made didn't make much sense to them, and they wondered if perhaps I could be a bit mad.

10-11 years old: Tended to rock back and forth when stressed. Developed a strong interest in all things cat related.

I was placed in a class consisting
of a small group of shy kids, where they encouraged us to interact more, this was when I started Secondary school.

12-14 years old: Started to hand flap when under pressure. Usually tried to avoid doing this in public though. Sensory issues still quite noticeable.

15+ years old: Ability to detect sarcasm would vary, often better at being sarcastic than detecting the sarcasm of others. Somewhat still literal minded, but better at understanding certain phrases.

Occasionally monotone, but this was mainly because I felt quite sad a lot of the time when I was 15 years old. Sometimes I would avoid eye contact with teachers due to an underlying anxiety to do with those that were in an authority role, due to bad experiences.

My art teacher used to refuse to answer any of my questions until I looked him in the eyes when asking them. He was quite adamant about that.

No one suspected or suggested ASD in my childhood.

Ugh...I typed out such a long and detailed response to you, but it got erased during a CAPTCHA check!

Anyway, I guess I'll be shorter now -- but basically, you and I have A LOT in common, including analytic detailed writing style, very specific memory, trouble with sarcasm unless it's obvious, and difficulty navigating through places without the aid of GPS or MapQuest. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 29, but when I finally went in for an evaluation after years of suspecting it, I got a diagnosis of moderate autism. I'm now 33. My childhood, like yours, was relatively normal -- a few signs here and there, but nothing blatantly obvious. It's adulthood that has been the challenge, particularly in regards to handling stress, maintaining employment, understanding social cues, and maintaining friendships/relating to others and socializing with them in real-time (although I'm happily married). I've pretty much settled on the life course of being a housewife who works part-time PRN and spends most of my time at home maintaining the house and engaging in various projects that bring me peace and relaxation.

Oh, you are the one who was doing school-teaching awhile ago. I was about to suggest you reminded me a lot of that person on here...well, it's because you are that person...lol.

But yes you and I are very similar and I'm a lvl 2 diagnosed autist, so I do hope you can finally seek out an official diagnosis if you can. I put it off for years and things just got more complicated. I no longer disclose publicly unless a crisis situation makes me look weird, but it helps to know why I'm so different, and why I can't handle certain adult things as well as NT people despite looking normal about 94% of the time otherwise.

Glad to help! Sorry that you've had some more struggles with student teaching, but you've been able to stick with it longer than I did, so kudos to you for that. I hope you're able to find more stable employment than I have, whether as ESL teacher or something else in education that may be better suited for you. I do have a job this coming school year as a substitute teacher aide myself, but that's been so hit or miss in the past that I'm not going to beat myself up over any failures I may deal with in the process.

I was quiet and kept to myself all the time. Would spend hours spinning or listening to music, or just laying in the grass and staring at the sky. I had/have a fascination with routes and maps and I'd wander all over the place just to learn and memorize routes. Still do. Did some self-banging and biting and very OCD. Lots of strong sensory issues, especially regarding sight and sound. Nobody noticed because my mother had mental health issues and my father was absent. Also, was not sent to public school until 4th grade. Also, this was in late 70s, early 80s, so no one had even heard of Rain Man yet. It is interesting to note, however, that as soon as Rain Man came out, my siblings started calling me Rain Man whenever I acted weird. No one ever put two and two together, though. Probably because, 1) I'm female, and 2) I'm verbal. Highly verbal. Languages is one of my special interests, and I speak three of them.

Was finally diagnosed last year after a lifetime history of no ability to keep a job, no ability to make friendships, and history of sexual abuse and victimization. No one noticed that I was completely unable to understand how to function with other people. But yeah, I finally got brave enough to suggest that I might be autistic. I was embarrassed to even bring it up for many years, because I thought I'd get laughed at. I didn't get laughed at, I got a diagnosis.

Emily, I am obsessed with maps too. I'm the family navigator. If somebody doesn't know where something is, they usually ask me. My brother calls me the human gps. My mom is obsessed with languages too. She can read in at least three different languages. I have been sexually abused as well and I endured years of bullying. I have struggled with making friends too. I have only two good friends, but I am making a couple more friends at work. I was a headbanger when I was a kid. I used bang my head against my dresser a lot. I still like to bang my head against doors and walls from time to time. My mom likes to say that my dad is rain man about stuff. I'm glad you got your diagnosis.