Confused Newbie

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Morning All:
I am on a wait list for an eval for the issue formerly-known-as Aspergers. I'm currently seeing a therapist that is part of the practice which will evaluate me and she's let it slip through book and group recommendations that she thinks I'm on the spectrum.

The short story: my acquaintance with someone, and some questions about whether my brother is on the spectrum, resulted in my researching Aspergers. All of it seemed pretty typical of the two men. Then I stumbled upon info re: Aspergers in women and...it was like reading my biography (I am 48 btw). My childhood especially. I know it manifests differently in women, and that a "spectrum" means that people exhibit a range but not necessarily ALL of the criteria. But from what I understand, an inability to read facial cues and in between the lines in conversation is a key criterion for diagnosis. I, however, am an expert in these things. I 'm aware of the slightest twitch that might tell me something (are they bored? irritated? am I going on too long? should I stop? do they think I'm stupid? etc.) Admittedly I might be hyper vigilant, but I am aware of the cues and what they mean.

I'm posting here in the women's section because of the fact ASD can manifest differently in women and because I've read some of the men's comments and they can be pretty brutal. I'm not ready to wade into that yet, esp. given I'm not diagnosed. Are any of you like me in your ability to understand the nuances of social interaction as I described? Or is this ability in a sense a "deal breaker" in regards to a diagnosis and maybe I'm just straight up weird with no reason? thanks

Definitely not a deal breaker, an autistic friend I know is actually a super recognizer, face wise, and is good at this in general.
Personally I suck at both recognizing faces and subtle expressions, but because autistic people tend to be detail oriented it is quite possible.
And I tend to notice expressions, but cannot interpret them well.

Thanks arganger. I'm terrible with faces too, and names. Sometimes I won't recognize (or I'll be unsure about) someone, like a colleague, until they start to talk. Awkward!

Not a dealbreaker if you ask me.

I've only just been diagnosed, and the process was fascinating. I also thought I recognized nearly everything except the social aspect. I'm good with people, they just tire me if I'm around them too long, but that's just introversion, right?

Well... During the second diagnostic meeting, I had to describe pictures with people on them showing all kinds of emotions. I thought I had aced that part. No problemo. And I had - I was totally right about how everyone was feeling, and about their relationships. Reason I was still diagnosed is because I said a lot of things like 'Well, as you can see from the way the guy raises his eyebrow it is apparent that he is doubtful...' etc. Don't know what's up with that, after all I can't read his mind so how am I to know if not from his eyebrow? But yea, apparently these were not typical responses.
Similar effects in a test about sensitivity to social circumstances. I'd answer questions with statements like 'No, you shouldn't do that. People don't expect others to lie down on their carpet, and if you don't know them well it will make them feel uncomfortable.' Again, I felt like I was acing the test, but apparently these are not neurotyical responses.

So my conclusions are fine, there's just something about how I reach them that made the ... diagnoser? ... conclude I had autism.

She said that high intelligence helped me cope with my autism, and that she's not surprised I'm tired all the time.


Question for you ... Does social contact tire you? And why do you ask yourself so many questions, like whether they're still interested? Could the hypervigilance be caused by a need to consciously analyse the visual cues because your automatic pilot doesn't do it for you? (That appears to be it in my case, you see.)

Hope this helps!

Thanks Anayenda. So by "aced', you mean as if you were NT, but the logical/descriptive reasoning for your conclusion made them think ASD. Interesting that they would not attribute logical deduction as an NT trait. Maybe I'm mis-reading.
I don'tt know yet what my testing will be like.
Contact irritates me and makes me bored and anxious as opposed to tires me. Your question about the hypervigilence response is a good one- I'd never thought of it that way. I do know I'm sensitive to being criticized and made fun of (this hasn't happened to my face since I was a teen) and I feel humiliated and withdraw if I get that reaction. That's my theory as to why I over analyze interactions.

Sorry for being confusing, I think you understood me. I guess they consider deductive reasoning as an NT trait as long as it's not in a social context..?

Anyways. Your current hypothesis about your sensitivity also makes sense. Criticism is unpleasant, and if you have experience with being made fun of it is only natural to become a bity wary.

Who knows whether it's one, the other, or a mix of both?

I wish you the best of luck with the whole process in any case!

I see.
thanks for the perspective. I suppose if I didn't know that my auto-pilot was off (or that I ever had one) then I wouldn't know if my vigilance was my substitute. I don't want to take up too much of your time, but do you think one is supposed to automatically recognize these cues? From your understanding- having gone through the eval (and maybe therapy?) process, is the assumption that this is a behavior innate to NTs? I thought everyone learned by watching/observing.

Hi there! I had a similar experience in my assesssment. I don’t know any other way to think so I thought it was normal to be super conscious and hypervigilant in every interaction and that other people were better at or quicker at doing that than I was. Nope, turns out NTs apparently just “get it” most of the time.

It’s taken me decades of practice to get to the level I’m at with reading people and situations and I’ve got a long way to go. It seems NTs figure that stuff out early on and not consciously.

Thanks Muppetjedi (I love the name).
it just seems so odd to me that, what, people could be born "knowing"? They they unconsciously pick up on expressions and change the tone or tenor or direction of their interaction without putting thought into it. I feel like everything I know and do had to be learned and therefore that must be true of everyone.

I’ve been wondering a lot about how much thought they put into it, because all the social norms are learned so there must be some thought. Maybe they don’t have to try as hard because they learn all the rules naturally, more quickly and earlier. And I don’t have that same wiring so I didn’t learn that way.

sigh,,,I hadn't really realized someone could just "get it". It's a bit painful to know how hard I have to work at it but also good to know. Thank you. Another piece in the puzzle.

I was actually just reading some articles about at what ages babies and children learn to understand facial expressions. I guess it is a combo or innate and learned. But maybe you're right that they don't have to try as hard. Tho I can't say "they" because I may turn out to be one of them! I was re-reading my DSM and still wondering if I'm a they, just a schizoid- they that may be mistaken for autistic.

Hi!

I'm extremely good at reading facial cues and between the lines in conversation.
Wasn't enough to not give me a full Aspergers diagnosis though

Your way of thinking (are they bored? Irritated? .....) that is soo me! I think too much. It really distracts from the conversation as well