03 Jun 2019, 5:30 pm
For the past 3 or 4 days I've been having a bad depressive episode and feeling emotional and fragile, and it hasn't gone away yet. I keep getting emotional about everything, like my buttons are easily pushed and I keep hating myself. I haven't felt like this for a long time, or if I have it's not lasted this long. I even hit myself in the head today, just to release anger, and I haven't hit myself in the head in 5 years. I've got all the symptoms of depression. I'm hoping that it's just PMT, as I am due for my period tomorrow, but it seems to be quite bad this month. I don't always get PMT, but I have this month, and during this horrible depressive episode I've also been waking up soaking wet with sweat. I keep a diary of when I cry (along with other things), and until a few days ago, I hadn't cried for 6 weeks, which is a long time for me to go without crying, so maybe it's just all built up. I hope that's it, and I hope it will pass.
I'm on antidepressants but I want to stay on these, I don't think they have stopped working, I just think that I'm just having a depressive episode caused by PMT. It just feels like there's a dark cloud inside my head that I can't get rid of. I can't even sit and focus on anything at the moment. When I listen to music my thoughts are so distracting that I am not taking in the song at all. When I do my writing I just write one sentence then get writers block quickly. When I go for a walk I feel all self-conscious. I'm OK at work but keep feeling easily irritable, not with people. I'm not taking anything out on people, it's just when I'm alone I feel all miserable, isolated and agitated.
What's happening to me? Please tell me it will pass. 
13 Jun 2019, 6:50 pm
