Grieving for my female Aspie-like relatives

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Perhaps this should go in the Haven, but it's specific to female gender so I will try here. I am grieving for myself, my Aspie-like grandmother, mother and cousin. And I am angry.

I'm new to all this and realized ASD probably runs in my family, mostly women in the generations that I know.
* I am angry that my ("crazy") grandmother was institutionalized while my ("quirky") grandfather received national awards. It was not okay for a woman in the 1920s to be obsessed with electrons, but it was okay for a man to be obsessed with chemicals.

* I am angry that my mother gave up her career to be a homemaker. It was not okay for a woman in the 1970s to be the breadwinner (nor for men to be at home with the kids).

* I am angry that my cousin was belittled by her father for being "too sensitive". Yet her equally sensitive brother (relative to gender) somehow passed muster. It was not okay for a young woman in 1990s to want sunlight and write poetry, but it was okay for a young man to want to tinker with machines outdoors.

* I am angry that I am belittled at work, while many of my male Aspie-like friends and co-workers were not (as much so, in tech). It seems that in the 2010s it's still not okay.

I am grieving and angry that whether by nature or nurture, it seems many women internalize more "wrongness" and it's harder to rise above that.

I'm hearing and reading over and over again how my male friends and colleagues came to believe in themselves and I can't see this for myself, my cousin, or many of my female friends.

Most importantly I would want to go back to my grandmother and go back to my cousin and celebrate the amazing qualities they had and gently offer support for their struggles, but they are both deceased. My mom is in denial, so I got nothing there yet.

And for me? Better late than never. I hope I can rise above a little, I've spent too many decades below.

Personally I'm angry how it all goes on even here with all that "men have it harder" -BS. Can't exactly consider a place where women keep getting attacked for their gender supportive...

I hope too you can rise above it a little. Little enough that can breathe and not drown

Yeah, I saw that. Sadly too many, thankfully not all (I want to find more of the latter!) My IRL ASD support group has three men that regularly attend and all are very respectful. (The six women are also.)


Thank you. I really need it. My confidence and self-esteem are seemingly bifurcated --- sometimes I have so much (effect change at the CEO level) and yet many times I have so little (bumble a peer's insult). I so I grow.