New and happy

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Greetings!

I apologize in advance if this is a rambling mess but it feels like a safe place to talk and I need to talk. I don't have anyone in my life who would understand so here I am on the interwebs.

First of all, I'm 45, female, one daughter. ASD has never been on my radar. It never occurred to me to look it up until recently when I initiated a psycho-educational assessment for my daughter.

As I do, I researched beforehand and somehow managed to get on a tangent of signs and symptoms of Asperger's as it relates specifically to girls. I was blown away. It was like someone had written a feature manual about my daughter.

And as one search led to another, I started researching traits as it related to women. I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this one...it was like fireworks going off in my brain. Lightning connections and realizations. Someone had written a feature manual about me.

I was gobsmacked to say the least.

I explained my concerns to my daughter's educational therapist who, although not qualified to diagnose ASD, immediately believed me and had sent off a referral before I could even say Asperger's.

Next, I went to my own doctor. He's a great doctor. I really like him. Except this time, he didn't believe me and seemed outwardly hostile. But eventually, grudgingly, he agreed to send in a referral for me.

To provide background, I've had a diagnosis of anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder for 25 years now. It's managed with medication and trips to therapists over the years. Paired with the fact that I'm a little oddball, I can see how he'd have doubts about it. Especially because I kept telling him "I'm not crazy." Yeah sure, like he's going to believe the wild eyed lady saying she's not

A week of angst and self doubt later, I finally talked to my therapist. Who. believed. me. Without even blinking or questioning. I laid it all out. She agreed with me. She's had experience with Asperger's in her own family.

For the first time in my life, I admitted the shameful dark secret I've kept about myself. I've always been different. I've always felt different. I knew I was different but didn't know why. I analyze and copy emotions and reactions. I've felt like a fraud my whole life because the real me, deep down, is broken.

But guess what?? I'm not broken. My brain is just wired differently. I can enjoy my super powers and not feel guilty because I'm not like the rest of the world.

And even better? I get to help my daughter navigate life with a parent who is firmly in her corner. Hey kiddo, I don't intuitively understand people either but I've got a lifetime of strategies to share. I get it. I believe you. I love you as you are.

So now I wait for the "official" diagnosis. Diagnosises? Diagnosii? Ahem. For us to receive the assessment appointments.

I'm excited now for the peace of mind it will bring for me and the support my daughter will need as she learns to investigate this strange planet we've wound up on.

If anyone made it this far, thank you for listening. And here's a last thought...the word disorder bugs me. To my mind, my daughter and I are not disordered. We are uniquely beautiful.

Welcome!

Yes, we aren't broken, yet it is helpful to find adaptations to help us. Just like most people enjoy the beach better with sunglasses, I need earplugs to properly enjoy loud Superhero movies! I bought a pair of high fidelity earplugs commonly used by musicians to preserve their hearing.

This weekend I'm busy pruning trees to help my flowering shrubs grow better. Many of them do better if they get more light. Or have fewer tree roots to contend with.

Welcome! So glad this has given you a more positive way to understand yourself.

Thank you very much! I'm a little more introspective now but still feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders