Scared to tell guys I find them unattractive

Post Reply New Topic

Ideally I'd like the whole situation to go away.

How do I say no when straight guys hit on me?

I don't like guys. I can tell when guys are pretty (have pretty faces) and have nice bums. But everything which makes men men, or even masculinity in those areas turns me off. I find guys great company but the physical aspect of them is really not my cup of tea...

It's mostly when I can't be bothered to get my hair cut. Apparently I look femme, even in tracksuit and without makeup and looking way too young for them etc. But I really doubt that. It's just I'm too bone idle to get my hair cut every month.

Is this something they do to literally all women?

I find it really intimidating to say no. They're bigger and tougher and older than me. I need a way to say no which diffuses the situation rather than making guys angry or causing a rift. I need a way to stop guys from thinking it's appropriate. I feel like it must be a body language thing or a conversational thing or something like that which I'm bad at projecting. If so, what is it?

I can relate only a bit - living among mostly male nerds made me also a target of unwanted attention despite wearing intentionally unattractively. But I never felt intimidated by them. I knew if one of them tried to hit me, others wouldn't let him live. Also, nerds are rarely physically strong, unlike sports fans.
I was direct with them. If someone couldn't accept that I'm not interested in him romantically, he wouldn't make a worthy friend anyway.

What do you think about training judo or other marital arts? Judo is good because being small and light is not a problem - you use your opponent's mass. Maybe if you knew you could defend yourself, you wouldn't feel so intimidated?
Most likely you would never need to use it, the sole fact of not being afraid is most often enough.

I think that's probably a good idea. Especially if being small isn't a disadvantage (sometimes people recommend fighting classes which just seem like short people would get beaten up in them)

Yeah, I'm literally just talking about little old men and fat middle aged blokes. They're sports fans as far as watching and getting drunk is concerned. I doubt they actually play any sports so your situation with nerds is pretty relatable. But, they're adult heights and I'm an adult but not an adult height (I'm 4"11).

I'm going to start taking up sports myself in the summer, as in actively playing them. Maybe I'll get muscle mass from that and then doing judo alongside that, I'll not be so weak.

Old men are the worst. Or rather old men who hit on much younger women are the worst.
Once I couldn't get rid of one who offered me help in solving my crossword in the tube It's not that I felt intimidated, it's just he didn't took "no, thanks" as an answer and I didn't want to become obviously rude. It made me angry.

I know And it's like all ages of old too.

I got my hair cut yesterday into a crew cut, now guys aren't hitting and this woman did. There's still a creepy age gap thing but it's nowhere near as bad. Think 15 years rather than 30.

Thing is I feel very young. I spent 5 years as a recluse. So really, if anything I'm like a 26 year old mentally. Physically I look younger than that. Being aspie makes me naïve. People, especially guys, really need to stop finding vulnerability sexy.

"I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

Rinse, wash, repeat. You don't owe any explanation or details.

Say it louder if you need to repeat. Drop the "I'm sorry" after the first one. It's just a social nicety. It's also not required at all but may help unless the guy is truly aggressive.

Make sure you're in a safe spot, or move to one as quickly as possible.