Do you have an overly critical mother?

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I feel as though my mom has no filter, no matter where she is; in public, in front of family, in the car, in regard to criticising my appearance. This is mainly comments on my hair, makeup, outfit choices.

This is just who she is as a person, and I accept that, but the tireless one-sided arguments about it just puts a mental strain on me, especially when it's around other people, and they catch onto the conversation, but don't say a word.

Awkward.

Just recently, I went to the spa with my mom and my grandmother for an early Mother's Day trip, and my mom was begging me to put my hair into a ponytail because she doesn't like how long it is. Right in front of the receptionists, and my grandmother keeps looking over at us wondering what she's whispering to me about.

I feel pretty comfortable with my wardrobe and makeup/hair choices when I'm on my own or with anyone else, it's only when I'm with my mother that I feel a bit uneasy, because when she looks at me, I know she's searching for something that she doesn't like.

I just want to know if anyone can relate, I'm pretty sure it's a common conflict between mothers and daughters.

hi moccu. that is really awkward.
she was maybe embarrassed for you but making comments like that in public is more embarrassing for her, even if she doesn't know it. at least that's how i think about it with my mom, because...
my mom is like this as well!

i love her, she's a great mom overall and i am very lucky to have her in my life, but that's not to say she doesn't have her problems too.

for background info--she is a certified dietitian, marathon runner and former elite gymnast, youngest of 3 daughters and has 3 daughters. she always has something to say about my appearance. i'm too fat or too thin, i'm eating too much or not enough, i'm never exercising enough (even though i am more active than the average person, i'm no marathon runner). i'm dressed nicely or more often dressed badly, my hair looks unkempt, i look like i don't care about myself, i need to throw this item away, i should wear more form fitting clothes, etc. she has very specific and high standards. i am an artist and not an outward appearance oriented person, at least in a typical way. a lot of my clothes have burn holes and paint stains and whatnot, and to her that looks bad but to me that looks fine. plus, why waste a perfectly good item just because it has a superficial "problem"?

i've come to the realization that her shaming tactics are mostly projections and she doesn't realize the gravity of how what she says affects me. in her heart she wants what is best for me but her idea of what is best for me isn't my idea of what is best for me, and her way of showing it definitely isn't. but for the past 5 years or so, since i moved out, it has been a lot easier to brush it off and continue on looking like i do.

Yes, I had an overly critical mother, but she passed away some years ago. I am still stuck with the rest of my overly critical family, though. On the plus side, I now live alone, so I only have to put up with them every week or two now.

No my Mum isn't like this at all. She's an aspie though.

Once in a blue moon she'll make a comment on my appearance, but very, very rarely. She criticised a top I was wearing recently, saying it was too tight, but then realised it's because I've put on weight and the next day made an effort to tell me I looked nice to make up for it.

Hell yeah.. often puts the spanner in the works when meeting guys, however sensible or charismatic they are.. there's not been too many lying around.. must have got there too late.

Yes! My mom will tell me that I look bad nearly every day and that I should brush my hair (when I just have most of the time) and get it cut because it is "too long and looks bad". She criticizes me for hating wearing makeup (except for when I'm in cosplay lol) She says I dress like a small child and that no one my age wears shirts and shorts that are the exact same color like I always do. Whenever she takes me shopping, she says I pick out "old lady" clothes too. She says I can't seem to find the right balance. She also constantly pushes me to lose weight, because I am overweight. I exercise and diet, but that's not enough for her sadly. Last but not least, she is constantly pressuring me to get contact lenses because my glasses make me look "dorky"

It has been this way ever since I became old enough to pick out what I wear and most of what I wear is due to sensory issues. She doesn't seem to get that. I'm okay with the way I look and dress.

I had a best friend like that, she was constantly complaining how her stepmum, not her real mum would buy her clothes from the cheapest market brand outlet, and make her wear them. Now, thinking back, she did look like a bit of a golfer, but she was still my best friend, so I'd just try to make her feel good about herself. She didn't want to tell her for fear of causing a row no doubt. I think her stepmom has probably emmigrated back to Slovkia by now, she didn't want to marry my friends father, for some reason. Weight wise, I was fine but again, she felt fat.
I'm only starting to take issue a bit now, as age has altered my size a bit, and my hormones are getting to be a pain, almost as bad as when I first starting having them.

My mom is generally friendly, optimistic, and supportive. She has helped to get support and is positive about ASD. She does have a neurotic, controlling side though and it's hard to forget some of the things she's said in the past when she's got into her anger mode. Like she is freaked out out me having friends on the internet and talking to people on the internet. I want to tell her we aren't in the stoneage anymore.

There are times when she has good intensions but I don't agree with her actions, and there are times when I am stuck in a rut, I can't help but think she enables it is some ways, because she is on the overprotective side and seems to forget I am an adult at times.

Yes she had the nerve to comment, usually negatively, on:

Clothes, hair, hygiene, job search, facial expressions

Every slightest thing

Four years ago she dropped dead

My mum is so bad I am now living in a shed in the garden to get out of her way!

Yes. Mean too.

Yes.

Yes, I completely relate to the OP. I have posted before how I would literally be debating if suicide was an option because I got a 67% on a Junior High math test I was so scared of her reaction. Obviously I had other issues too but if I ever got a mark below 75% I would be subjected to an angry rant about how lazy I am and that I spend too much time on the Nintendo. To be fair, my older brother was by far the school's top student but that doesn't mean I wasn't crushed by the weight of the expectations I had.

I should also mention that even though I am male, I was probably treated much more like a daughter than a son in many ways and I wonder if that is why I always wanted to be around the girls despite being a straight male. It's probably why I didn't date until I was ready to move out on my own as Mom would grill any potential dates before scaring them off. I love my mother but my God does she ever annoy me with her constant criticisms of my (and my wife's) parenting abilities. I have to constantly resist saying "you are one to talk: you sure f**ked YOUR children up!"

I understand she lives with chronic pain and has for quite some time but her constant negative attitude about everything is such a turn off. Every (happy) family gathering would inevitably result in her bringing up something negative up like a murder that happened months ago or the latest death/tragedy in the family. She loves to constantly say how she is 'always right' but her memory is VERY selective to put it nicely.