Very low sex drive

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I may want sex once every three weeks. When I have it, I enjoy it. There are very few times that I decide I want it, without my husband getting me started. Then there are times that he starts touching and once I get going, I'm ok with it, but most times I just want him to back off and leave me alone. Can anyone relate? I want to enjoy it more, I want to be able to have it at least a couple of times a week, but I don't know what to do.

I can relate. I never have any interest in sex, even though I wish I would. It has caused some problems with my fiance in the past, but now I just do it for him. I find that while I have no interest, it isn't unpleasant or anything so I figure I can do that for him. He doesn't know that I really only do it for him as I'm pretty good at faking interest.
As for actually being more interested in sex, I have tried a few lubricants that are supposed to increase excitement but they haven't worked for me. Using some regular lubricant can help a bit, and getting a back rub first can help me feel relaxed enough to enjoy the physical contact. Are you taking any medications that may be affecting your sex drive? Your doctor might be able to help you figure things out, it could be a hormonal imbalance.
Sorry I can't be of more help. I'll let you know if I find something that works, though!

Oh, yeah. I can relate. Boy can I relate.

I've gotten very good at making appropriate noises so HE enjoys it more. I love him. I give it as a gift.

It helps... a little bit. Not as much as I'd like.

i went through a period like that, when i was working 60 hours a week and was getting daily migraines. i was on heavy medication for depression and anxiety as well. i had no energy left for sex, and i didn't enjoy it so much. my partner at the time used to convince me to do it anyways because he believed it was good for my mental health. i think he was right, but i still felt reluctant.

if you make sure to keep your lifestyle as healthy as possible (exercise, proper foods), and keep your liee and mental health in good balance, you may enjoy sex more. also if you focus on improving your relationship in other ways it may help. i often found that when my sex drive was lower i sometimes had simmering resentments below the surface so my lack of interest was a reflection of the state of my relationship.

Thanks for the responses. I went to the doctor for something else and he put me on Wellbutrin, and I noticed last time I took that that it raised my sex drive some, so I'm hoping that will help as well.

From a mechanic who does now own a car I try to approach things from the basics. Part of the basics are that unless your basic wiring got screwed up and you are a sexual (less than 1 in 50) chances are that there is a chemical problem. Also, I really do not like alopathic medicine & drugs. I have had doctors prescribe drugs for me for pain, high cholesterol, arthritis, and asthma. By doing some basic research I have taken no drugs, but also have none of those symptoms any more,

If you were not wired to have a lot of sex, you probably would not pass that genetic trait onto your non existent children. Another way of saying that is that nature prefers you to really really like sex. So, I would strongly suggest that you all do research on the internet. Get a complete blood work up, preferably from a doctor who has some background in natural medicine, and as much as possible move away from processed food, and especially sugar and grains. Sugar, especially fructose is bad for almost everyone, and really bad for some. Also recognize that what may be an adequate mineral or vitamin for some people is insufficient for others and toxic for still others. In my case I need 75 mg a day of zinc. This is 50% greater than what is thought to be the maximum safe level, and ten times more than the official UK rda. If I take less than this, my skin tends to rot. I had a blood test done and my serum level for zinc was right in the middle range of normal.

So, you find out what foods, vitamins and minerals are good for boosting interest in sex, and experiment. The bland generalization that we are all unique really is true. Serious research and experimentation with foods and supplements will, if nothing else, probably marketdly improve your health.

I had a complete blood workup a month ago and all was well. There isn't too much that I do take, and I've had a lot prescribed to me, but something is going on with me (I have other symptoms) and since blood work all looked good, it must be stress and depression. I've taken the Wellbutrin before, so I know how that does.

From everything that I have read, MYAVA is at least as good a fix for stress and depression as any drug on the market. You may wish to do some research on this yourself. Also a good balanced B-vitamin complex.

Oh --- MYAVA? That is moving your ass vigorously around. At least two, maybe three hours a week total. Geting out of breath and working up a good sweat. Takes more time than drugs but is cheaper. All "side affects" are good. Maybe you could work up a program with your husband.

Do you have any kinks? Do you ever watch porn? Do you masturbate, or have you ever experimented with it?

No kinks. I have watched porn and I do masturbate. Porn usually turns me on, but with my kids here, we haven't watched it. I do masturbate, but here lately, I haven't even wanted that.

I can say yes to all of the above, but I still have such a hard time getting turned-on. I don't even know how to pleasure myself, not to mention tell a man how I like to be touched.

I feel compelled to go back to the basics. There are a lot of things that nature can screw up when making you, all sorts of genetic errors, and just errors in the womb, but she really always gets the basics correct. No one is born without a desire for food or water. I think, and of course I could be wrong, that a desire for sex is as fundamental as that. And while nature sometimes makes an error in the sex identity area, it just seems unlikely that she would leave it out altogether. This is especially true in light of the fact that the clitoris has a higher density of nerves than any other spot on the human body, and it seemes to have only a single purpose. That purpose is to make females tremble and scream with pleasure. Nature usually does not build something and then not use it, or turn it off

Consider anorexia. People who have so little desire for food that they starve themselves to death. That is not a basic wiring problem, but someting acquired. I suspect that low or non existent sex drive is similar. I could be wrong.

If it was acquired, then it is either chemical / illness, or a mental disturbance picked up from family / society where society includes religious environment. Go through a thousand or so of the results of "cause low sex drive".
If you do not include the quotes, then it will be 14 million instead of 300000 hits. You may wish to talk to someone in depth about it. Perhaps you could PM one of the other posters with the problem on this discussion and see if wrestling with it together via that medium can give you any help. There are a number of sites that may be of help, clitical,com amd scarleteen.com, as well as doubleclickheaven,com All sites invite people to write in with problems. I suspect that there are other sites as well.

Think of it / you as a "problem to be solved" and work on it. That is, unless you do not mind being an outlier, and not having sex, and all that fun It may take a while to get there --- orgasm land --- but it is hard to imagine that it is not witin reach. Write to those sites that I mentioned above. Invest some time.

I have no desire to have sex, ever again. I have no sex drive.

For a male this is so unusual that is is probably a real medical problem. I say problem because if the situation is caused by some medical anamoly then no sex drive might be the only currently observable symptom. There may be other things happening that could be more serious. I would strongly suggest that you have a complete workup.

Of course you may just be unusual and healthy. But getting a check is worth it especially if you have insurance.
Consider that the problem could be caused by a tumor that is interferring with testosterone production.

Welburtrin helped? Really? I find that those drugs make me less responsive which doesn't help at all. And bc can be bad for lowering drive. I want it and then sometimes I do go ahead and do it for him. Other times Im so tickllish it's not pleasurable when he touches me a certain way. I wish I was more into it for my husband's sake plus we have children so that limits the intimate time we have living in a smaller home. Facto makes a good point in that I should be moving my butt more then I do as when I exercise I look and feel better with more energy to get thru my day.

Once a year is more than enough if that....

Sorry, maybe you only want females to respond. But guys like me don't like sex much either. Just another perspective.
B