Ever feel like you need to act MORE autistic?

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Because if you're a woman who didn't get diagnosed until you were an adult, it's more likely that people won't believe you when you tell them. So instead of masking your autism, which you basically taught yourself how to do for most of your life, you resort to acting out the signs that most people recognize as being autistic in boys and men, or make them look more severe than they really are.

Also since the majority of people on WP are male, you feel like you don't relate to their problems as much and they seem to think we have it so much easier than they do.

Yes i used to do that when i first learned about autism. Since everyone acted like i was normal i thought that this was not right and knowingly started to act weird. If i do that i thought i would get help. Expect they didn't and started to ignore and show pity to me instead.

More like I need to be less stressed out...

Less overstimulated, less pressured, less having to put up with other's status quo of a 'need' in a demeaning and immature sense, less taking things too seriously.


Less imaginary 'threats' and worries. Less insecurities, less negativity, less reliance on stuff in order to live as.

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I often feel the need when I meet autistic people and am relating to their struggles to tell stories about my childhood when I was "more autistic" because until I do they tend not to believe that I could possibly relate to them because I mask a lot.

Definitely agree on the masking. It's a conundrum - if I'm open about my autism to people I get a lot of scepticism. "Really?" Yes, I have a professional diagnosis and a 13 page report that took a lot longer to get than this 10 minute conversation. "You mustn't be very autistic". All autistic people are autistic. You can't make a judgement on how autistic I am because that's not a thing; you can only judge how well I appear to relate to others, hence masking.

And masking takes so much out of me it can be unbearable. I want to learn to mask less but I'm not sure how to do it and I'm scared of what will happen if I do.

I can't mask or mimic, and never really did. I hid the extent of my stimming / BFRB but it was still obvious that I had uncommon mannerisms and repetitive motions. I couldn't assimilate to NT culture, let alone female behaviour. I've always been very different than other girls and women. It was obvious because I had meltdowns, an unending display of sensory aversions, and a lack of social grace. The problem is that no one knew what to call it, so I was rejected as defective, nerdy, immature, weird, etc. I have all the signs and characteristics that boys and men have, to an extreme, but it was easier for others to dismiss me than connecting the dots, or sending me for assessment.

I don't think I could act more autistic if I tried.

It would actually be nice to act less autistic --- if it didn't involve complex theory of mind, which I don't have.

I'm also very interested in Ms Dobalina's question.

but to answer the original question, I usually get disbelief. It's always, "no, I don't believe you have autism."
I actually don't think I mask that much -- but the people around me (all people?) are self-centered and don't pay much attention to what I'm doing or saying. Neurotypicals also have such a weird relationship with the truth -- does it serve their purposes to acknowledge I'm autistic? I don't think acting more autistic would help.

Quote:

It's even trickier than this. If their eyes are open and bright and their voice is high and steady, it means "they definitely want you to think they're fine." That may be because they are fine OR they could actually be trying very hard to hide from you what they're really feeling. As an autistic parent of a neurotypical kid, I have to try to figure out what's really going on even after I've sorted out the non-verbal body language. Is she saying the answer she thinks I want to hear? As she gets older, I want to explain to her that I'm autistic and I always want the same answer -- the truth. The actual truth. Quote


Edit: formatting mistakes that are still poorly corrected.

Oh my goodness, this is so absolutely true. Perfect. The neurotypical person will be deceptive in every form of verbal and non-verbal language and they expect you to figure it out. I don't say that with any hostility or ill-feeling towards neurotypical persons; it is how the world works and most of the time the do it without any malice. They want to feel like you know them and care about them enough to see through any front they put on. Lord knows I want the same thing - for someone to assure me that my feelings matter to them. But it's so hard to do.

This is why I can never have kids. Well, sort of. I possess absolutely no maternal instincts whatsoever, which is a problem. And I think all children are truly awful. I'm approaching my mid-thirties, when your "biological clock" is supposed to go crazy, but every year my disdain for children only deepens. Having a child in my house is my version of a living nightmare.

I'm sure your kid and Isabella's are wonderful human beings that you love more than anything in the world and would make any sacrifice possible for their safety and happiness. And if I somehow ended up having a child I would feel the exact same way. But kids take up every moment of your waking time - they're incredibly needy, they pee, crap, vomit, and cover you in snot and it's your job to deal with the aftermath. Then they get bigger and they run and dart about constantly without provocation. They talk and tell you their tedious stories with weak plots, terrible syntax and no structure.

So I salute you both for being parents. It's a way of life so full-on that even thinking about it gives me heart palpitations.

Another long post. *Sigh*. I'll keep trying be succinct, it's just going to take time.