Outward Appearance

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I'm "pretty," but really, I'm not one of those girls who ever used it to her advantage. I was never very flirtatious with men. I'm heterosexual, and I believe in real friendship and actual dating.

I've always had high standards when it's come to men. But being "pretty" has made things difficult and confusing, and actually more difficult for me because people feel threatened. I'll take their job, or their man. I'm not that kind of person, I was very content being a teacher and I never wanted anything more. I was shocked when I lost my career as a public school teacher. I invested a huge amount of time and energy and I lost practically everything.

And I encounter men who like my appearance but have zero desire to date me. Female friends are tough to come by, as well. At this stage in my life, people are busy with work, their children, their partners. I'm still single and living with my parents. I feel humiliated and pitied all the time and it's awful. I don't need to be constantly reminded that I'm different. It hurts. I'm not a bad person and I feel like people find my situation funny. Entertaining. It's sad. It's horrible.

I believe that everyone has a gift to share with the world. Sometimes it takes a while to free yourself to figure out what that is. Society today seems to only value people who can do it all -- the high-pressure job, the marriage, the 2.5 kids -- but that's just one way to live life. If you live another way, you're still valuable and we're all still blessed that you exist. Maybe full-time teaching is too much -- teachers have incredible burnout rates -- but you could do part-time tutoring. Or teach classes on an online platform like outschool.com. You have the credentials.

I was raised in a collective culture where no one sees "still living with your parents" as a bad thing. Why not live together and enjoy each other's company? For some people, it's a toxic environment they do need to get out of, but for others, life is easier when we share the load.

Be yourself and don't worry about what others think about your appearance. Sometimes people don't realize that "pretty" women can also be smart, funny, and nice -- but that's their problem.

Best wishes.

Basically I would not worry too much about what others think.

Being attractive often does present some issues, especially with other women being jealous...but I would just try and find people who care about you for you.

The main problem I have always had is people assuming I am stuck up. I guess it’s an assumption that conventionally attractive + socially aloof = snob

My ASD-like BFF was single and living with her parents into her 30s. She remained single into her 40s. My BFF is a wonderful human being and I would bet you are also. It's taken until our late 40s to really come into our own and it's nice. Take the outside pity and shove it. Take the inside (internalized) pity and put it outside.

I experienced what felt like betrayal at work, but left on my own terms so that helped. Perhaps there is a way to fully choose what is next for you. Even if the choice is to be open to what might be germinating, percolating or otherwise manifesting in your life...

I have male friends of old and generally their wives are cold to me. I am a warm, bubbly person so it's not that I am standoffish. Perhaps it's that I don't give the wives sufficient attention or I am breaking a social norm. I am not aware that my attractiveness plays into it. I play down my attractiveness: no make up, nice but conservative clothing (no visible cleavage; rarely anything above the knees). If I weren't attractive would they be nicer? That's weird. My (NT) husband has a female friend. At the onset he teased me a bit about it and was amused by my response: "have fun; let me know (directly) if I should be concerned". Once I gave a gift to one of the wives in a very difficult time and she is now one of my closest friends. Ironically it's my female BFF's boyfriend who won't talk to me. We're all hetero, so the jealousy (or offense) goes beyond sexuality. I respect and care for people, but apparently I don't show the appropriate consideration or deference that peer adults expect.

Good luck holding onto and/or finding your pride and ease!

There's an easy solution, just cut your hair short and gain some weight