I want to be beautiful

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I wish I were strictly into fashion, make-up and celebrities. It's just the effort I back away from. I wish I had someone that picks the most fashionable outfits for me each day and puts on all my make-up for me and styles my hair so that I look stunning.

Instead I'm this dull, greasy-haired tomboy, overweight and look stupid. I don't hang about with any females that are into that kind of thing, and my life mostly consists of men anyway. But my feminine side keeps trying to come out and I really want to look shockingly stunning for once.

I love my food but I'm going to start dieting next month when the spring begins, as it's my favourite time of the year. I also want to drink alcohol and do drugs but I'm too afraid of making myself ill to do it. But I think I'll be happier if I was less dull, and then I can fit in with NTs much better. It's social isolation that's getting to me. Being socially isolated means being alone with my thoughts, the thoughts that bully me and tell me I'm a worthless nobody. Perhaps beauty and style might brighten up my life a bit and earn me more friends.

HM I tried drinking when I was a teen-ager. It was fun then. Nowadays I don't like to drink much to prevent hangovers.

Do you know people who go to the pub?

no dont go down that road please im begging you iv been there and was taken advantage of

wanting to dress up in fashion and wear make up and have a nice hairstyle is great though
i can give you a few tips on that as im quite a fashion expert myself

Well the only norm I do conform to is having an iPhone and being on it all the time. That's the only thing that makes me feel normal.

Hi Joe,

I think that it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking 'I want to be X but I will never be X, therefore I will always be miserable'.

As someone who also deals with intrusive thoughts, I'd like to take a moment to address this part of your post. The part about the thoughts telling you that you're a worthless nobody. You're not. I bet you know that as well. Something which has helped me with my intrusive thoughts is accepting that I don't immediately need an answer or a solution to offer these thoughts. Whenever I tried to reply to them, offering a rebuff, it'd work for a while, but they'd always come back. Forever looming in the background of my head. Internalised words of former bullies. Yet I took a step back and questioned why I was trying so hard to prove myself to well, myself.

So, let's take a moment to consider where you are right now (Point A) and where you'd like to be (Point B). Point A you is the same as Point B you. I know that might be scary to consider, that your future self is still you, but I'd like you to keep it in mind. Often the future self can be easy to dismiss as someone else entirely, since the future can be intimidating. The change is not going to happen overnight, but don't let that deter you.

So let's address the greasy hair first. That's fixable. Is there something preventing you from taking action? Not knowing how to approach it? Executive dysfunction? Not having enough time to care for your hair? No judgement. It would just help to know so I can adjust any advice accordingly. I wouldn't feel down about it though, I think you can work though that.

Now, you mention being dull - is this personality wise, or more in a physical sense (say, looking washed out / worn out)? Or is this in reference to clothing? Could you expand on the 'looking stupid' part?

What it is about femininity that appeals? Personally I've always been drawn to Bohemian fashion and florals. When I was unsure of how to dress, I used to just copy parts of outfits of characters that stood out to me - I'd think "Hey, I like how that looks on them, how would it look on me?" I wouldn't get caught up on how to define your style, you don't have to be strictly tomboy or girly girl. Unless you want to be. Yet I gain the sense that maybe how you see yourself (Tomboy) is at odds with who you'd like to be / the style you want to experiment with. I'd put that aside for a moment and just do what feels right. You might not know what that is at first, and that's OK. I'd start with asking yourself what it is that you don't like about your clothes and consider - are there any moments where you see someone's aesthetic / outfit and think to yourself 'wow'? What is it that stood out to you?

Perhaps you don't know where to start and find that overwhelming. That's understandable. You don't need to approach it all at once. It can be a gradual process. I can offer advice regarding colour co-ordination, how to style a shirt and so on if you'd like. However, it should be noted that your style does not dictate your worth. I view mine as an extension of my personality, it makes me feel more comfortable in my sense of identity, but there are days where I don't bother to dress up because I don't feel like it. That's fine as well.

I see washing my hair as an unpleasant chore because I don't like getting my head wet but I suppose that's easy to control (work on).

I think I've got all this idea of fashion and beauty because I've been watching classic TV comedy Absolutely Fabulous, and I think Joanna Lumley is so beautiful, even now at her age. But in the show her character is so brilliant. But all I feel like is partly Saffy (moral), and partly Bubble (daft).

Sometimes I wish I was so extroverted and knew all the right things to say to the right people and thought nothing of going out to glamorous clubs on a Saturday night chatting and getting to know people. But socialising can be rather boring when you're timid and don't always know what to say and are often ignored or treated differently.

What's wrong with wanting to be beautiful? I want to be handsome!

Men are lucky, in a sense. We don't have to put makeup on (most of the time). I certainly don't. And I don't even have to comb my hair---it's that short.

Do listen to Caz; she's been through it all.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look better and be healthier. Even if you're only doing it to make yourself happier it might be worth the effort. There are tons of videos online about how to apply everything. Like every skill, it takes a lot of practice to figure out what works for you. Try to get small sample sized products before spending too much on full size.

I was lucky that I read books on theories of styles when I was quite little and took many art classes. Generally I follow patterns, color combo and ratios that look best together. It's easier to start with plainer colors and more classic pieces if you're not very experienced with what looks good. Once you're more confident in your styles you can branch out to bolder colors and patterns. A lot of looks really requires confident attitudes to pull them off. What looks good on models and celebrities rarely look good on an ordinary person. I'd say don't waste time following those. Many of those pieces give trashy vibes instead of elegance.

Wash your hair. Shape your eyebrows. Moisturise. And get into a routine of doing that and you'll start to feel better.

If you wanna lose weight then you have to be patient and stick to a routine.

Find your own style and feel confident and comfortable in it. Not everyone suits what is "in fashion" anyway.

I am a geeky pop culture related type person if you go to comic book conventions or events you can meet famous people but it depends who's there on the day but you have to pay
If you watch or heard of the TV show the big bang theory you probably understand what I mean
I think sometimes most Waterstones bookstores have book signings
Have you tried clothes from charity shops I try and find anything that vintage or retro
I like watching call the midwife
I don't like drinking alcohol but I don't mind anything non alcohol you can enjoy cocktails but try mocktrails as they are non alcohol
I remember while on holiday having a pina colada smoothie no alcohol but sill it tastes nice and sweet
Hope this helps in someway
I like wearing t-shirts but don't wear makeup all the time have you tried Avon or body shop at home you may have to try to contact your local
Rep or Independent Consultant
I remember agos reading in a magazine other people not following the crowd when it comes to fashion

Maybe try and find a hairdresser who does a
Those with ausim

Not sure if there are YouTube videos that are helpful

i feel like i can relate to this alot.

i would also like to be beautiful but have no idea if thats even possible for me or how one would do that with limited funds. also im a nerdy shut in so not really high on societies attractiveness scale. all i can do is try to learn from others and try to improve myself.


you arent worthless joe90 and your worth isnt tied into your appearance. that said i dont think its unhealthy to try and improve oneself. ive been told that being able to love oneself is a very good thing. so working towards that seems good.


i dont think drinking and doing drugs will assist you in becoming beautiful. from the people i have seen how do those activities in excess they often seem to have considerable health issues and age faster than people who do not. also addiction could become a problem that not only hurts ones health but also relationships and finances.

I learned to play golf and the exercise brought my waistline down to 25 inches so I can now wear XS skirts.

Being beautiful is easy for me. Except I wouldn't give a damn about it.
I just take it for granted because I need not to work hard for it.

At worst, all I need is a few maintenance here and there on my skin, also my body shape doesn't fluctuate much so outfits are easy for me...

Shoes are a headache, but I know who I can refer such from anyone. Nothing drastic.

And if I truly want it, I have several people close to me who would very much can get me there.

Really, they're eager to help me out if I ever expressed an interest on feminine stuff.

Even to stuff like, say, competing to a beauty pageant or being a local model -- which is a very plausible scenario even at my age.


Except that's not my interest. Easy and attainable but that's not who I'm.
I'm confident if someone dared me to, but that's one of the last things I would voluntarily do.

Can we switch?
Except that's not possible either.


Why is it that I have many of the socially motivated female autistics stuff that they want, and yet I have it while I don't want it??

The only female related stuff I kept talking about is our bodily functions and issues around hormones, and issues around socialization is a distant third because I know how to indirectly exploit that instead.

Fate is funny. Or cruel. Whatever, it's ironic.


I wasn't persuaded with the idea of how I should appear as a woman and pressured to act like it, it's the opposite sometimes -- I enjoy having around females and feminine stuff because it's very, very familiar and saw how that works around me.

I never chase femininity to fit in and save me, instead it's the femininity itself that's chasing me and my life.

I'd rather have a guy's lifestyle and outlook, but...
I don't think I'm physically or even socially built for that as much as I wanted it otherwise.
I have a very agender sense of inner self and inclination, but the rest of me isn't and having to work around that.

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