Saturn157 wrote:
I need some advice. A few months ago an ex boyfriend from 25 years ago contacted me. I was happy to hear from him. I felt guilty about the way I treated him when we dated so I was glad to finally get a chance to apologize to him.
He says he’s single now and he’s been courting me, coming on really strong. He lives in another country that I’ve always wanted to visit. So I planned a trip to his country this fall. I’m going to visit several cities and I wanted to visit his city which is very beautiful. He’s invited me to stay at his house while I’m there.
I do have feelings for him and I look forward to seeing him again and spending time with him but I don’t want to have sex with someone I’m not in a committed relationship with. I want to be friends and I absolutely do not want to show up in town to be some fling for old times sake.
Should I tell him this before I get to his city? Is it inappropriate to stay in his house? He has 4 bedrooms. Should I stay in a hotel? Will it hurt his feelings if I turn down his hospitality?
I have no idea how to handle a situation like this. Please help.
Gosh, the thing that jumped out at me straight away is 25 years is a long time to hold on to feelings for somebody whom you haven't seen!! Almost all my ex-girlfriends ghosted me, I can't imagine them ever talking to me again.
How old were you when you knew this man? Do you know how much a person changes in a few years (let alone 25). How well do you know him? can you trust him? can you trust yourself?
I'm not sure how it ended between both of you but it sounds like you may be sending him the wrong signals.
If you are keen to rekindle an old relationship think about whether friendship is feasible first.
Under no circumstances take up his offer to sleep at his place. Agree to meet in a place of your choosing (not his) and get a feeling for how he has changed. Then if you are comfortable take things further.
Please practice some common sense!
19 Jun 2021, 4:37 pm
