Female Friends

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Hi All!

My name is Rowan, I'm thirty five years old and I live in South Yorkshire in the UK. I was officially diagnosed with Autism on Monday (! !!) but I have known and not known and known again, and then forgotten or suppressed that knowledge, for over a decade now.

I'd really like to talk with other autistic women, I didn't dare to try before I officially got my dx (what if I was making things up and was just a pain?!) and I'm taking the leap now. I don't really know what I want to talk about, is that ok?

I do have some questions though! Does anyone have a nice group of autistic friends, who they can chatter to? Is it nice? What do you look for in friends?

I really like people who like to talk and talk and talk and tell me all about their special interests and let me talk about mine!

Welcome, Rowan. Congratulations on your DX! I got mine almost two years ago now.

I'm a talker and my ASD-like BFF is not. We found that the best fit for us is when I talk 75% of the time and she talks 25%. This feels like not too much to for me and just enough for her. An alcoholic beverage changes the ratio temporarily (she talks more and I talk less). We didn't explicitly try to be friends, but were thrown in together by fate.

I have two ASD support groups - one in-person (temporarily online) and one online only. I consider the group members to be friends but don't keep in touch --- perhaps you understand that concept.

I also think it's funny that there is this perception that ASD folks don't "reciprocate" in conversation. When I meet an ASD person of my type I'll talk for 2-5 min, then that person will talk for 2-5 min, back and forth --- reciprocally; or it will be more like my BFF where 75/25 is "reciprocal" for us (based on type and needs). This NT concept of 5 sec or 30 sec turns. Ridiculous.

Welcome!

Hi Rowan (nice name ),
Congratulations on your diagnosis, did you have to wait a long time to receive it? I was 27 when I got mine. I went the private route so not long to wait for the process.

I live with an autistic flatmate, we're really close. So I guess I see autism all the time, heh. Another friend of mine is not autistic but still neurodiverse so it is interesting.

I wonder if you use Facebook? I joined an autism group on there. Heaps of members with lots of questions/answers. They organise meet-ups as well and I've been to a few.

Anything Star Trek is my interest, I go to a role play group once a month or so where I play a Bolian called Zoreya. It's quite difficult for me as imagination is not my strong point but I still have fun and laughs with the group.

What are your special interests?

Welcome to WP, by the way.

Hi Rowan,

I'm Kiki, 27 years old and just got my diagnosis as well! I feel the same about not wanting to talk to others before receiving a medical opinion, but now that I have it, my psychologist says it's time to find my tribe (other autistic women).

My main interest is anything related to raising the vibrational frequency of consciousness (i.e., quantum physics, spirituality, ancient knowledge, ancient civilizations, extraterrestrials and starseeds, crystals, natural medicine, and nutrition)

I tried signing up for some Facebook groups in addition to WP, but in real life/online I don't have any friends (yet?).

@renaeden I love Star Trek, too! Specifically, Star Trek Next Generation; Data is my spirit-bot!

hello

Hi there Rowan,

Agreed, great name and welcome! I’m fairly new here too and am awaiting diagnosis.

I don’t have any other friends who are female and autistic in real life. There is one who I exchange emails with which is great. We have lots in common such as being queer and having similar interests.

I don’t use social media so I’m limited to forums for meeting other women with ASD. My colleague linked me with someone they know through another friend of theirs but it has so far been a slow start!

I have a few NT friends… not many. Maybe just enough! I’m super interested in classical music, cooking, reading/literature, philosophy, running/walking/staying fit and working dogs (I have a Kelpie!). I’m a teacher, have a partner and two step children.

I just now noticed you're in Melbourne, Australia -- and, coincidentally, I also just now noticed that there's an Autistic Women's Book Club based in Melbourne, Australia. Here are its Meetup site and Twitter account. (I just now happened to have run into them on Twitter earlier today.)

If you aren't already aware of them and you happen to enjoy reading books, you might want to check them out. They are now meeting virtually, hopefully eventually in-person.

Lucky you. As far as I can tell, the autistic community is much better organized in the U.K. than anywhere else in the world. Hopefully, after the COVID crisis is over with, you'll be able to find a local support group and perhaps other kinds of groups as well.