Fathers and daughters

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19 Aug 2021, 8:59 am

The number one problem between men and women are that fathers' instantly revoke physical affection from their daughters as soon as they reach puberty. It creates a vacuum that can easily run young women straight into mental illness.

Edna3362
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19 Aug 2021, 10:49 am

?? That sounds strange to me.
How so?

I cannot know, cannot relate nor imagine. I never grew up with any male of any age at home.

The last time my own dad was ever physically been with his daughters -- they are either barely past toddler or barely past preschooler.

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RightGalaxy
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19 Aug 2021, 10:53 am

Edna3362 wrote:

If you can't relate, why do you post?

Edna3362
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19 Aug 2021, 10:54 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

Edna3362 wrote:

If you can't relate, why do you post?

While I can form theories from other references; implications or whatnot... I simply dismiss it because I never been there.

I wanna know why -- and what it is about... Fathers and daughters.

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magz
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19 Aug 2021, 3:25 pm

I had very good relationship with my father, extending beyond puberty. We're both huggers.
Now I'm quite happy with my marriage.

I think there's too little room in current popular culture for non-sexual physical affection - that's my general thought on it.

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SharonB
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20 Aug 2021, 8:40 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

I imagine that would be cruddy. In my case my father was "progressive" compared to most. He has a more nurturing personality and was affectionate. It would support your theory that way - that most fathers aren't like that. My mom is ASD-like and caressed me to relax me. I then requested caresses as much as I could. When I was a teenager I felt a little self-conscious flopping onto my dad's lap as he watched TV, but it was worth it. He never ever made it feel creepy.

That said my husband is more macho and not very affectionate. My ASD-like daughter (who also requests caresses) doesn't ask him for caresses. She does wrestle with him a lot and practice martial arts, both of which are physical, but not affectionate.

magz wrote:

I think there's too little room in current popular culture for non-sexual physical affection - that's my general thought on it.

I tend to agree.

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20 Aug 2021, 9:24 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

Those fathers who continue to show affection for their daughters -- as if those fully-developed young women were still toddlers -- are often accused of incestuous behavior and other perversions. It creates a situation in which fathers are damned if they do and damned if they do not.

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21 Aug 2021, 7:08 am

I get fascinated the father/daughter mother/son father/son mother/daughter relationship stuff. I have a close, healthy relationship with my parents, and my mum is like a best friend to me and my dad is like a protecter, like if a man was abusing me my dad would frighten them off.

I see it in the Simpsons a lot (even though Bart, Lisa and Maggie aren't adults). Homer and Bart are like best friends but worst enemies at the same time. Homer talks in a more respectful tone to Lisa and Maggie (although sometimes he's had arguments with Lisa but that's usually over Lisa's morals that Homer doesn't agree with). Marge is overly protective of Bart and calls him things like ''my special little guy'', and sometimes even mollycoddles him, but she is 'best friends' with Lisa and they often share girly moments and share their feelings and experiences.

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22 Aug 2021, 5:43 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

We probably shouldn't generalise, as I'm sure it's not like that for everyone.
But yes, something a bit similar happened between my daughter and her father. When she was little she was his golden child, she could do no wrong and he spoiled her, frankly, letting her have whatever she wanted. But when she hit puberty he withdrew all the love and attention. He seemed to start feeling threatened, I think, maybe because she was learning that parents are not gods? She was no longer the compliant little child and he couldn't handle the loss of control.
So in this case it was not about the loss of physical affection but another kind of loss - but still, there were mental health consequences which she is still dealing with.

cyberdad
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22 Aug 2021, 6:20 am

Last year my then 15yr old used COVID "Social distancing" to stop me from hugging her :lol:

RightGalaxy
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22 Aug 2021, 9:50 pm

Fnord wrote:

RightGalaxy wrote:

Respectful, appropriate affection for a young lady/daughter is not the same as toddler affection.

Fnord
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23 Aug 2021, 8:59 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

Fnord wrote:

RightGalaxy wrote:

Respectful, appropriate affection for a young lady/daughter is not the same as toddler affection.

↑ Splitting hairs.

When a loving, affectionate, and playful father suddenly stops treating his daughter like a kid and starts treating her with appropriate respect -- right about the same time she begins the reproductive phase of her life -- that alone sends the message that there is something shameful about being a woman.

(So I have been told by some women.)

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that1weirdgrrrl
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24 Aug 2021, 7:08 pm

FWIW my father has always been awkward AF.

He was awkward to me when I was a baby, toddler, middle schooler, teenager, young adult, and even now.

I accept it as a personality trait more than a reflection of how he feels about me :shrug:

All of that said, I think we've always been really close (though not physically affectionate in any way).

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24 Aug 2021, 7:46 pm

Fnord wrote:

When a loving, affectionate, and playful father suddenly stops treating his daughter like a kid and starts treating her with appropriate respect -- right about the same time she begins the reproductive phase of her life -- that alone sends the message that there is something shameful about being a woman.

(So I have been told by some women.)[/color]

Huh. I've never given much thought on the subject. Personally, there wasn't much change in behaviour from my parents when I hit puberty. My dad still gives me bear hugs because he finds it amusing to see me squirm out of it. The only time someone got the wrong impression was a confused old woman who thought I was dating my dad and said I could do better. There was no physical affection in that instance though, we were just walking down a pavement. She had no reason to assume this, so it was a puzzling interaction.

My parents aren't usually physically affectionate in public, hugs are more either out of politeness (such as visiting relatives) or for emotional comfort (dealing with grief, raising my spirits, preparing for a long time apart etc) and are generally done in private. There are a few exceptions, such as at train stations or maybe as a quick greeting at a nice restaurant. I am more likely to hug a friend in public (although I'm not that big on physical affection, I have to be fairly comfortable with someone before I am comfortable with physical affection from them).

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Fnord
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25 Aug 2021, 8:57 am

So maybe it is not so much the dads' behavior as the change in their behavior when their daughters reach puberty.

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25 Aug 2021, 5:29 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:

...The only time someone got the wrong impression was a confused old woman who thought I was dating my dad and said I could do better. There was no physical affection in that instance though, we were just walking down a pavement. She had no reason to assume this, so it was a puzzling interaction.

I forgot about that stage until you mentioned it. When I was in my early 20s, folks often thought my dad and I were dating because ... folks would default to romantic theories rather than correctly imagine a 20-something daughter would willingly hang out by herself with her 40-something dad. Tells you a lot about social "norms".

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