Autistic Women and hospitalization for mental illness

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Autistic Women Have A Far Higher Risk Of Being Hospitalized Due To Mental Illness Than Men

I wish I could say that was surprising. I was in and out of the hospital many times during, before, and after my diagnosis. I know I'm borderline insane. I don't know how anyone can not be the way the world is. But I'm able to keep it under control most of the time now because I live alone in an apartment where I can do what I want and when I want to instead of following other people's rules and having my privacy constantly invaded and my senses overloaded or having to adjust to abrupt change every few months.

I'm always very afraid of losing control and being sent back to the hospital or put in a home. The mental health care is abysmal or virtually non-existent. They may as well send me to a prison. They treated me like a criminal and didn't care about my anguish at all, it just made them more nasty. It always seems to get worse when the holidays are coming up. I have to worry even more about illness and replan my grocery shopping around the holidays and when there hopefully won't be as many shoppers. My mother's told me about the line-ups being the whole length of the store, no way I can handle that. Idiot drivers, anti-vaxxers, screeching children, rising food prices, slaving away at work until you're too old to function and then you're stuck in a nursing home until you die. Now wonder most people have mental illness. Or turn to drugs and alcohol to numb their misery.

they wanted to hospitalize me a few years ago but I ran away

I went to the hospital twice for mental heath concerns, and initiated it myself. I attemped suicide when I was 15 an the times I went to the hospital I was worried I'd do it again so I just wanted to be somewhere safe where I wouldn't be able to even if the urge came upon me.


But yeah after I atttemted suicide at 15 I developed a safety plan that if I was feeling suicidal I will get help immediately and so I stuck to that. The first psych ward I went to was not the most helpful, but it at least gave me a place to be for a few days to work out some mental stuff but idk that one just kind of sucked. Then the next time I went to a psych ward in a different hospital and that one was great, like the food was good and they had a t.v with a bunch o vhs tapes and one day a bunch of people wanted to watch The Dark Crystal, I had never seen that movie before but had wanted to so yeah that was fun. But yeah both times I went I was feeling like I was falling into suicidal feelings and so I just wanted to put myself somewhere safe where I would not be able to act on those feelings.

But for sure that first one I went to I was just glad when I got out of there, but the second one because it was much better I actually kind of miss it a little.

By co-incidence I was listening to a podcast on this very subject tonight.
https://www.stitcher.com/show/the-squar ... -208052214

I have seen similar things noted in mainstream media. I believe it to be true - women are more likely to be sectioned and subject to forced medication in particular.

My grandmother was hospitalized (misdiagnosed), I was hospitalized (misdiagnosed). My mom avoided it by staying in her room with the lights off for many years. So much invalidation for ASD folks and so much invalidation for women, put the two together... kaboom.

My last psych hospital stay was in 2013. When I was admitted, I vowed to myself that I would stop self harming, which I did. This April it will have been 10 years. The stay itself was kind of weird - they had me come off ziprasidone (Geodon/Zeldox) which I had been perfectly ok with, because it gave me an abnormal heart beat. They put me on lithium which caused tremors and an incredibly dry mouth. I don't know which was worse. I was also given moclobemide (Aurorix) which has turned out to be the best antidepressant I've ever had (and I've had lots), I'm still on it today. One of the doctors there rang my psychiatrist who treated my ADHD and that doctor was told to continue my ADHD medication (dexamphetamine). They were really reluctant to because the public hospital system doesn't like giving out stimulants. The nurses moaned and groaned about it because they had to get my dexamphetamine doses from a separate room that was locked tight.

The doctors at that hospital never mentioned my autism and I didn't mention it either. I was fighting tremors that were so bad I couldn't think straight. They called in a neurologist. After being poked and prodded, the neurologist prescribed benztropine. Within days my tremors eased. Thank goodness! But benztropine caused me the worst constipation of my life and very blurred vision. However, by the time I went home, those side effects had subsided.

Yet another medication they put me on was quetiapine (Seroquel). This was 'for sleep' and I think they gave it to everyone. It made me get 'stuck', like I'd be standing in my room and I'd be there in the same position for 20 minutes or thereabouts. It would take a nurse calling my name through the door for me to jolt out of it. It happened quite a lot and it scared me. I'd be on it for another six months in which I gained 30kgs. I was like f**k this s**t and made the decision to come off it. Seriously, this medication is potent and harmful - dexamphetamine is benign in comparison. I'm never taking Seroquel again.

The doctors gave me a somewhat hesitant diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I suspect my history of self harm prompted them to do this. In mental illness circles, patients typically end up diagnosed with BPD if they self harm.

However, in my last week at hospital, I was given a very long interview/test called the SCID. The results concluded that I didn't have BPD, instead I had Schizoid Personality Disorder. So that's the diagnosis I was sent home with. The discharge letter ended with a clinical-type paragraph saying that SPD takes a very long time to treat and they didn't have time for that. I don't know why, but that still amuses me.

One thing I liked during my stay was the hospital food. I didn't have to eat anything I didn't like and there were always biscuits and fruit if I felt like eating those. I made countless cups of tea and Milo to drink. The sandwiches that the kitchen provided at 9pm were super fresh.

Another thing was I made a friend. When I look back on it, it's funny because this friend I made was high on meth when she was admitted. She was very thin and covered in sores, yep, she looked pretty sick. Shortly before I left, we traded Facebook details. Since then she got into the meth again but now it's been two years and she hasn't touched it. She has full custody of her son now. And we message each other fairly often.

So that was my stay. I could probably go into what my other hospital stays were like but that's enough to write a book. This was my last one so I thought it would be more relevant.

Been there done that

I was inpatient for a long time after trauma

Also had a clinical nervous breakdown years before. Heart and adrenal system crashed from stress — was in for about two weeks.

And maybe a couple of emergency visits when things were really bad

Also my therapist worked at the hospital

All these hospitalizations and medications, while needed in some cases, could very well become a vicious cycle.

I’m not “against” medication—but I am for more restraint (and allowing more patient input) when it comes to medication.

I can understand the frustrations when it comes to the mental health system.

I have never been hospitalized but I was misdiagnosed and badly mismedicated for what was basically a major autistic burnout.
"Female type" autism, with masking all the waking time, takes enormous toll on mental health long-term.

I definitely got into a vicious cycle of mismedication:
I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and prescribed antipsychotics. The meds made me feeling worse, they made my misinterpreted autistic symptoms more obvious, so the doc prescribed... more antipsychotics!

I managed to leave it but it left me wondering how many people are left forever in something like this.

Probably very many…some of whom are living in the streets.