How do you relate to other women if you are able?

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I am not very good at relating to other women. I give compliments because that is what I know how to do but I do not know how to start a conversation or even ask a question. I feel like I am a little girl playing dress up in a world of grown up women. I just dont know where to begin. Even right now, I feel silly and ridiculous for posting this. Like I should know better. But I really have no clue. Its like there is a black hole in my brain on this topic.

Every day there is a post on r/aspergirls on Reddit. You are absolutely not alone.

It's the subtle nuances of female interaction that make it difficult. I tend to make friends with women who are really into music or some other hobby and we bond over the hobby rather than whatever women normally bond over.

Giving compliments is great. I always forget to do that. I think, "I really like that scarf", but I don't say it because I worry I'll come over like Elspeth Tassioni in The Good Wife.

I meet up with some ladies from a writers' group, so when I run out of conversation I just ask them what they're writing or tell them about mine. And failing that we can talk about books, movies etc. And our kids.

But yes, I know exactly what you mean, it can be hard to relate to other women. Even with these good friends their conversation loses me sometimes, I find it hard to keep up with all the topic changes and sometimes I'm not sure how to respond to things. You are not alone.

I relate to women who can have deep sometimes intense conversations. Maybe as we mature NT women are able to have more intense conversations and ND women are able to have less intense conversations. I didn't relate to girls and women until I met more female professionals (mostly ND) and had kids (NT shared subject). Still my closest friends are ND. I can now talk to most any women but without shared topics, experience or deep conversation, either I lose interest or they do. Social "norms" are a huge point of contention with NT women and myself. There are too many social "norms" that are frustrating and hurtful. I try to identify the underlying intent of the norm (e.g. safety, connection) and define a new "norm" that does that in a more empowering way. Not many people want to have that conversation at the bus stop.

Not very well, but not for lack of trying.

Can't tell you the amount of times a relationship went sour, fast. When I ask what I've done and how I can make it better, it's mostly been met with passive aggressiveness bordering on vehemence. They really seem to think I'm playing some kind of mindgame when in reality, I'm absolutely baffled.

Doesn't seem to be much of a loss anyways. Don't think we'd have much in common, usually. Hate to say it, but many men don't want to engage with a woman on topics like theology or politics, and even fewer women do.

And going out drinking, dancing or shopping sounds like a nightmare

most not heh, the mothergroups outside the school
if you was early enough you're in, but not if there was formed circles already
strangely when i cut my hair everyone was complimenting, huh that's weird
sus

i stand with everyone, the posh and the poor
same at the adult course, every one has a tale
but in the final day i got no place at the table
it is what it is

Personally, I've never had any issues relating to other women. However, as a lesbian, I suppose I'm approaching things from a different angle.

Most of the women I interact with regularly are either neurodivergent and / or in the LGBT community. Often into the alternative rock or goth scene as well.

Also, living in a small middle of nowhere place, people have a tendency to just start conversations with me unexpectedly. I'll just be waiting at the bus stop or sitting in a café and a strange old lady will appear and say 'Hey, want to hear about my late husband?' I mean sure, the bus is probably delayed and there's nothing else to do - why not?

One time I walked up to a bus stop and a young woman started telling me about her life completely unprompted. She also seemed to know everyone as people went by and greeted her asking specific questions. Very warm and kind individual. We have crossed paths a couple of times. I would imagine she makes friends very easily.

I have never figured out how to relate to people outside my immediate family.

I am trying.

If not complaining together about health issues of womanhood, then with whatever perceived societal expectations and relationship dynamics there is.

Anything else is just out in the open vagueness...

Can't relate to crushes and romances, can't relate to how expensive aesthetic maintenances are, can't relate being a mother, can't relate being someone's girlfriend or wife, can't relate to the latest celebrity gossip and whatever stereotypical stuff like being a homemaker.

But then, I don't need to relate to these to have a good conversation with someone.
Instead, I'll usually make them talk about what they like and ask questions what it is about.

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I totally relate to your post, not to NT women ! !! I have zero female friends, either I scare them off or they bore me to tears. I much prefer the company of men, but this usually gets misinterpreted as sexual interest and drives me nuts.

Thank you for posting this. I feel less alone and can pick up advice on how to make friends, I so appreciate it!

I can start new friendship easily, with very pleasant girls. After a year or so they seem to fade from my life. I guess it takes a lot to maintain friendship. The only ones that stick around are the odd girls who likes to complain about everything. I'm never too warm towards them but they keep coming back to me. Guess they're desperate for attention.

I can chat to anyone when I have to. But in terms of actually bonding with other women as a friend, it's normally over a mutual interest like gaming, programming, investing or whatever else. In fact most of the friends I've had (male or female) start over some shared hobby/project. I get bored just sitting around doing nothing when I'm alone, so I tend to hang out with people who are goal/activity orientated too and don't just want to sit and gossip for ages. I know a lot of women who prefer the 'sit and chat' sessions with friends and that doesn't work for me, so I politely (as I can) disentangle myself from relationships that seems to be headed in that direction.

I generally bond well with much older women (like boomers) or much younger women (gen Z). Older women are mature enough to accept odd behaviors and have free time, and young people are open minded enough and have more free time to hang out. Those who are in the prime of their lives with small children do not have the time or capacity to maintain friendship with weird people. That's my experience anyway.