Stalkers

Post Reply New Topic

Why, Oh WHy are most stalkers men? You realize of course that "most" does not mean All. Surely there's some biological reason for it but I find it so strange that women are often not nearly as jealous and obsessive with their men as men are with their women.

Are you our newest honorary lady?

I think it might have something to do with men (in general) being more inclined toward aggression/competitiveness and therefore more likely direct that tendency to inappropriate outlets.

Hmmm, to me one of the key components of the mindset of a stalker is obsessiven-compulsiveness. Stalkers stalk in part because they're obsessed. Ive often fallen into that category-when someone does something to me that I dont like, I want revenge and my brain just wont let it go. But I most certainly think that men's greater tendency to feeling jealous has a lot to do with it. Perhaps Im wrong, but now it appears that women can be just as obsessive about someone or something as men can. As for aggression, I believe that women are just as aggressive and powerhungry as men-just not at physically violent.

Nice picture Ziharet - welcome to this forum. I hope things go well for you here. I like your avatar. I hope I spelt your name right.
Lucy.

Since there's no way of objectively quantifying things like "jealousy" or "obsessiveness" in order to do a comparative study, it's just a matter of opinion. I suppose one would be able to do a survey to see what percentage of men and women claim to experience these feelings.

I think it's possible that both sexes may have the same rate of obsessiveness, but that men are more likely to display their obsessiveness in ways that are alarming to the stalkee.

As for aggression, my opinion is that women as a whole are substantially less aggressive than men. Plenty of academic research backs up that thought.

I wonder if these feelings have more to do with perserveration

Well, do you define aggression to be exclusively physical violence and/or direct confrontation? I dont. Aggression can be non-physical as well. Ive run into a LOT of aggressive women in my life but most of them were not (physically)violent or confrontational: they were manipulative, sly and deceitful.

Sorry to intrude on the woman's forum...

Anyways, I think its a combination of factors. The whole competetiveness-aggression thing, the fact that men are socialised to ignore their feelings so many deal with them rather poorly(I think this is the biggy), and men and women are socialised into the traditional structure of men being the pursuers and women waiting around (not always the case I know) so they feel the need to pursue.
I don't know thats just off the top of my head. ALso its not like people get a hard and fast guide to dateing, alot of stalkers mistakenly believe themselves to be in a relationship and alot of victims of stalkers don't know better as far as takeing stronger steps early on to deter them.

Its all complimicated.

kind of like rape and child abuse you can only go by reported cases, not actual. We do know that men are less likely to report being a victim of a crime perpetrated by a woman. Years ago, I saw a tv show that discussed women who used the "date rape" drug on men not to sexually assault them but to rob them. It turned out there had been a lot more victims than ever reported. But they were embarassed, married, had "good reputations" and were reluctant to make their victimization public.
Stalking could be the same thing for a man. I know a woman that if she were a man, someone would have called the cops on her years ago and she'd have a record of stalking and domestic violence. But no man is willing to call the cops. They think they're "stronger than that". In every case, she's blamed the guy too. "they left (the break up) it unfinished" "we needed to talk more" "I let him get me really angry"
My husband's ex stalked him and the cops were called because she was screaming. Hubby wouldn't have called the cops, I know. Later she admitted to climbing an ex-boyfriend's balcony to break into his house.

I don't know, I'm just not convinced it's a guy thing.

Testosterone is a big role in dominance. Women who undergo hormone treatment, for example, find themselves more assertive, dominant, and possessive then before. Then there's the social issue that men are raised to be tough, and to control their women. Men need to be tough or they're perceived as weak.

I've got a fairly dominant husband, he definitely controls the relationship, but that doesn't mean that I'm powerless. A woman can be with a strong possessive man and still have control if she knows what to do. Like with my David, he'll tell me what to do and what not to, in order to protect me, so I respect that. On the other side, he's a complete softie, and wont do a thing to hurt me. He's do anything to keep me from crying, and if he causes it ((on those very rare occasions)) he'll immediately apologize and wont do it again. My power is in this desire of his to keep me happy, I know if I beg or get sad he'll cave in eventually. ((But word of advice, use this too much and they'll catch on very quick, so this is an emergency control, besides it's not good to manipulate people too much.))

Here's my theory.

There are male and female stalkers.

Male stalkers, stalk females when they don't put out sexually.

Female stalkers, stalk males when males put out sexually.

the examples I mentioned all had previous relationships with their victims. It's usually about control and lack of reality. Both women I mentioned lost their relationships because they were control freaks. When they finally got dumped, they'd go absolutely nuts.
I had two exes (one male, one female) that almost stalked me. The guy visited some of my haunts, looking for me, but never really followed me. When I ran over his foot he stopped. The woman called for several weeks, begging for another chance. She called work and showed up there at least once. I found out later that she had given the impression we were much more serious to her family. they confronted me weeks after I stopped contact with her. Creepy.
I think what stopped them was their lack of controlling personalities. They just weren't the type to break laws or get violent.

I'm currently being stalked or harassed by a woman. She's a friend or former friend. I posted about it in the Haven, before I saw this thread. She's become quite hostile and out of touch with reality. I don't even know why she's stalking me. I've tried to help her in every way I can think of, but nothing has worked. I'll probably have to get a restraining order.

You mean when males put out sexually to other females than the one they're involved with? If not that what you say doesnt make a lot of sense. Come to think of it, perhaps men's tendency to stalk has to do with the fact that men are a lot less inhibited than women and so they act on their obsessive impulses.

Tough question.

On the one hand there is an evolutionary advantage to making sure you mate with the best possible female.

On the other hand, every minute you spend trying to get that woman is a minute you aren't spending looking for other females.

I think what we have here is an Evolutionarily Stable Strategy where it's best for the population for X% of males to be stalkers and X% to be roamers.

I'm going to say, it is because of testosterone.

In my own personal experience though, I have seen way more female stalkers. It's very different than male stalkers though, and I believe with women it has more to do with insecurities than anything.

I have had one male stalker (who actually was mentally ill- so it had nothing to do with me, other than me being very, very naive.)

As opposed to five female stalkers.

However, experience, as I'm learning, does not represent the norm. I'm curious if there are studies about this phenomena. Though like I said, women have a very different way of doing it. Maybe subtle. Maybe they don't even realize they're doing it.