Women, Aspergers and Sex Drive

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With no intention to be defamatory, I am starting to conclude that one of the ways in which asperger syndrome affects women is that it results in a weaker sex drive(sometimes NO sex drive Whatsover). Apparently there are also many men who are afflicted the same way-though I personally am NOT one of them. I do know that (mani-depressive)bipolar disorder seems to affect women in the opposite way: bipolar womn often have abnormally strong sex drives whenever they get manic.
I keep seing posts hinting at: "women dont really want sex and dont like it, they just use it as a currency" which is Totally UNTRUE when it comes to most NT women but aspie women are another story.....

Okay, yeah I've got problems. I'm currently blaming them on AS, but could just be a coincidence.

i doubt your hypothesis rather strongly. i would think that there are entirely too many variables at work to just label low or high sex drive on being "aspie". it's not an "on/off" switch, after all.

Every human being desires to have sex. After all, it's our only goal as a species...to procreate. But to understand women...seems to be just as hard as figuring out life itself. I guess because they are the very embodiment of life, they seem to bring it wherever they go.

I keep seing posts hinting at: "women dont really want sex and dont like it, they just use it as a currency" which is Totally UNTRUE when it comes to most NT women but aspie women are another story.....[/quote]

I can't think of a society where sex isnt used as a currency. I also think women as a gender or more likely to go through periods in their life where sex just isnt important at the moment. That doesnt mean that they are suddenly turned off sex for the rest of their lives. Also it doesnt matter if your aspie or not. Sex is always up for negotation in a relationship; that is just the way humans are. It's seem pretty likely that there is going to be a moment in a human relationship where one person wants to have sex and the other doesnt. Does it make the other person a "whore" if they go ahead and have sex anyway even if they dont really feel like it with the understanding that it will benefit them later on?

On what basis are you making this conclusion? I think that NTs in general are more likely to make social trade-offs like this than aspies, who are more likely to refuse point blank to do something they do not genuinely enjoy.

I do see more asexual people of both sexes here than I've ever encountered before in my life. I also see a great many women who feel free to talk about sexuality in terms of their own likes and dislikes rather than in the context of how to please a man, which I find refreshing. Aspies as a whole do not seem as preoccupied with sexuality as their NT counterparts, but there are many people here who do not fit that generalization.

Edit: I didn't noticed this was the Women's forum.

Last edited by greenblue on 16 Feb 2008, 6:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You obviously haven't been roped into marriage yet (NT women don't use sex as currency as much as Aspie women do, theme)

If aspie women tend to have weaker sex drives, then I am an exception to this norm. I have noticed other differences between myself and the NT women I have talked to about sex. Most of them seem to see sex as something symbolic--its main function is to communicate a feeling or establish a bond, and pleasure is a secondary consequence. I've talked to some NT women who don't even like sex but still believe it is essential to a relationship because of its symbolic meaning. I'm the opposite--I think it's fun and is only symbolic if you want it to be.

Sex has many facets, and this is no different when addressing the perceptions/reactions of females (or males) with ASD's. Summation you provide seems oversimplified & too absolute, but your disclaimer is appreciated.

Definately.
One can have multiple reasons for doing (or not) something, or have internal conflict about whether to do something or not. Sexual behavior (incl. interest/desire/motivation) is every bit as complex & multifarious (and filled with both intentional & subconscious processes) as any other life function.

Agree there.
Also, as women get older we may tend to care less about pretending & more about what really feels good (esp. if one's gotten societal messages that make one feel unattractive for one's physical flaws). Personally hope sex & bodily stuff will seem less "full of shame", grossness & embarrassment to me, as the years go by.

Agree there, too.
Talking about what one dislikes about something doesn't automatically translate to "I wholly dislike" whatever it is. Some things, if I dislike them so much, I avoid them altogether & don't discuss much. Other things, I have intense mixed feelings, both "approach" and "avoid" reactions (I get stuck, unable to decide). If it wasn't worth the hassle, I wouldn't even bother trying to work on the problem-sex is appealing enough for me to talk about the difficulties I have with it. Criticism of (and complaining about) certain features/patterns in a thing or action doesn't necessarily equate to rejection of the entire concept/situation/being.

Me too (what you said).
Used to think (in college) that having sex meant that the guy wanted to be my friend, if not my boyfriend-but I finally learned that while that was a possibility, it couldn't be counted on. I'd get attached to someone who'd ignore me-I wanted the 'seal of approval' of being "acceptable" to a guy. My reasons for having sex were more social/interpersonal then, compared to what they are nowadays-I'm less insecure because I have a wonderful, steady boyfriend who likes me. My current general opinion is that sex is a physical activity that has emotional effects (though degree & flavor of reaction varies broadly amongst all people, regardless of neurological label).

I honestly think that women in American Culture are taught by society to see sex as something Symbolic. Yet from the women my age Ive talked to for the last years the impression I get is they KNOW darn well that its a physical act motivated by carnal desires

Nan wrote:

When I said WEAKER I was NOT implying "non-existant"! Obviously sex-drive isnt binary. I think NT women certainly Do use sex as a form of "currency" but I dont attribute this to not wanting it as much as I attribute it to them often having better self-control and using something they have and control access to get things from men. A lot of women figure out early in life that sex is a way to manipulate men in getting what they want--including status.

Sex is associated with a variety of meanings in every culture on earth. "Carnal" and "symbolic" are not mutually exclusive qualities. The human brain is wired to understand and make use of symbols of many kinds, and there is an evolutionary advantage to that. Imbuing sexual encounters with social meaning encourages bonding and the formation of family groups. We cannot assume that base drives are natural and culture is artificial, when it is clear that forming cultural ideals is a part of being human. But even if that were the case, there are still physical, neurological consequences of sharing sexual intimacy with another human being. Increased production of oxytocin, for instance, encourages bonding and is certainly not a social construct.

I think we can also observe that not everyone's instincts are exactly the same.

You can post here.

I've noticed that most people on this board, men and women, are less interested in sex compared to my perception of the average person.

Also, this talk of sex being used as a bargaining chip as normal is striking me as pretty odd. If I'm in a relationship where sex is used this way, I am definitely kicking my partner to the curb.

Prostitute. 'nuff said. Who knows?

funny enough I was actually thinking about this myself. I definately don't have a diminished sex drive, and can even have sex thats purely f*****g rather than making love and still enjoy it, although it's not my preferrence.... A lot of people on here do write about being asexual but are they really the majority, or is it just that people with normal sexuality have no reason to write about it? I don't know. I am starting to think this is one of the ways in which aspergers does not explain the whole of me since I seem to feel different to most women on here about it.