my woman gets sore

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I'm a male, and i have an issue pertaining to female parts, so i figure i would ask about it here.

when my partner and i have intercourse, she almost always gets sore and cant go again for a few more days. she insists that it isnt my fault and that it has always happened, but i feel im doing something wrong. she does like it really hard and fast, but i feel i dont have enough control to do it smoothly. the first time i ever made love to her was my first time ever, and i felt pretty confident about how i preformed because she seemed to enjoy it, and she didnt know it was my first time, so im sure she wasnt just being that way to make my first time special (she didnt know it was my first time because i was too embarrassed about it and she was very quick to have sex with me, i really liked her and didnt want to turn her off and let her go) then she told me she had a tear on her labia from the sex that took a few weeks to heal. she's even gotten sore from gentle intercourse. is she telling me it isnt my fault just to not hurt my feelings, do i need to work on how i handle sex? or is it common for women to get sore like she does?

Oh boy. There are several ways to look at this one.
Some women just like it rough. Or they like it rough because they haven't learned to like it gently.
There are also some physical conditions which would cause pain, but a gynocologist would be able to rule those out. I'm assuming she's seen one, at least at some point/ If not, she should. For the sake of this, I'll assume she has, and it's not a physical problem:
If you are bruising her, you probably would bruise yourself too (pelvic bone impact). So in that case, if it's not hurting you, it's probably not hurting her.
If she just gets sore from the in and out, you should use a lube. Not Vasoline, use KY or some other water based lube, that would be best. This will prevent the "internal carpet burn" effect, which for some reason is way more painful to the woman than the man.
Since you say she's gotten sore from gentle sex, I'm guessing it's probably a lube issue. Some women are just dryer than others, but that's an easy fix.
If this is the problem, it hurts, but if you do it hard enough, it will feel good as well. Sometimes. Yes, speaking from past experience. This may be what she has learned to do.
I wouldn't think your personal lack of experience is a factor. But maybe experiment with some different things, maybe you'll both like them. There's not just one method, play around with it some.

If artificial goop (for lubrication) is off-putting, there's always saliva. It can work pretty well in making sliding parts comfortable, reapply (spit into your hand & pat or rub it on the relevant locations) as needed throughout the session.
Also, not to get more icky, but-there's downside to being freshly-showered (speaking as female who likes to be super clean before sex). It means things are drier down there, in comparison with if there's day's worth of sweat & "juices" tucked up in there (female parts). Again, am trying to put this diplomatically & not crassly.
If it's something that appeals to the both of you-and you're not already doing so-oral sex on the woman also works well in "livening up" (adding moisture to) the area. Returning to her area for more licking (and leaving saliva) in between episodes of "intercourse", can be productive-depends on whether one finds such activity a turn on or a turn off. Hope what I'm saying is understandable, had to use a lot of euphemisms.

hmmm, we have been using some ky lube. maybe its been drying out too quickly or we haven't been using enough. i'm inexperienced but i know to do some foreplay before entering, in order to get her wet, she's been plenty wet the times i've gotten her off by just fingering or oral, but she can dry out quickly. maybe its the positions we've been doing, she likes spooning the best she says.

Hey be gentle and don't go to deep for a start...Once you get her wet you should be able to go deeper.

Each women is different in sensitivity AND desire level. I am hyper sensitive and have the same issue as you women, regaurdless of moisture(not an issue for me). Nerves are not just in the body part but the head...just like any other skin sensation, hearing,taste...we are all different and f she says that this has always been a problem with others then...believe her.


Also about desire level. Frequency is relative. Some people like to have sex several times a day and others only feel the "urge every few days or weeks. It can change during the relationship and over a persons life time (can also be effected by other things going on in the persons life)....There is no "right amount" of times to have sex in a week. She maybe afraid to tell you that she is not in the mood because she may be afraid it will hurt you ego or you wont think she is "sexy" unless she meets the Playboy image of "SEXY'...a women who is always horny....(I did that when I was younger because of my own low self-esteem and fears of rejection) and feel more comfortable saying she is sore?

If the sex is good for me, I don't tend to feel the urge for several days...if it's not "satisfying"...I might be ready again in a few hours...(even if I'm sore). If it is just a matter of intercourse being painful, then you guys can be creative and find other things to do.

There is no such as thing as too much foreplay. Don't get hung up on intercourse. There is a lot more to sex than the ole 'jackhammer' routine; perhaps your GF would be more enthusiastic if you offered to pleasure her for an hour, no strings attached.

If she was in a rape situation she could be suffering the aftereffects of that. Guys do not seem to understand how PAINFUL!! it is to be penetrated when you are not ready for it, especially when you are a virgin. Forget all the porn stuff, those are tender parts down there. They need to be treated tenderly.

She may have vaginismus or vulvodynia or both, I know because I do, and it is not fun at all. Sex becomes physically impossible because the vagina shuts down due to real or anticipated pain. It is a b***h to cure, I have heard that the success rate is somewhere like 50%. One of the big causes of vaginismus is rape or sexual abuse, so all you a***h*** out there who get their jollies by forcing women, you aren't turning them on, you're turning them frigid. And ruining it for the decent guys out there. I wish you luck. If she says she is experiencing pain, take her seriously. There are women who have experienced so much sexual abuse that they somehow manage to block out the pain and just go through the act, so even if she is "willing" that doesn't mean it is ok to go ahead if she has indicated that she is in pain afterwards. This isn't normal. You both need to see someone experienced in that field.

Actually, I think this is a pretty common physical phenomenon with women. I doubt that it has anything to do with traumatic past experiences like rape. Those kinds of experiences can affect a person's sexuality, but this sounds like a purely physical issue to me.

So she likes it a bit rough. There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their preferences. Maybe if you were slower and gentler, she wouldn't get so sore but she wouldn't enjoy the experience either. I can see why she'd prefer to have satisfying sex every few days instead of unsatisfying, more frequent sex.

So it sounds like you're not doing anything wrong. However, there could be a question of sexual compatibility - if it is important to you to have it more frequently than is possible for her. Of course I don't know enough about your situation to say any more.