How to improve social skills when talking to guys

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Girls (or guys), I would like your honest opinion on the following:

I said the following two things to a guy I know:

1. He was telling me about his interest in genealogy, and about some of the various ancestors he had discovered. I said: "Quite the little mongrel aren't you!"
2. On another ocasion, he asked if I wanted a drink. I said: "Only if I can buy you one."

Needless to say, this person ceased to want to have anything to do with me!

I would like your opinon on whether my comments above were offensive and if so, why? I feel totally socially inept so our comments would help me to start improving my social skills.

Your comments sound fine to me.

He sounds like a bit of a tosser - eg. who gets into genealogy? and if your genealogy isn't mongrel then you're inbred. fact!

To me, it doesn't seem like it should be a foregone conclusion.

In the first instance, it seems like the guy just doesn't have a sense of humor. What you said was clearly a joke - even if he didn't find it particularly funny, I'd be suspicious of someone who didn't at least appreciate that your comment was made in jest.

In the second instance - again, it seems a sensible person who wanted to get to know you better would just say "fair enough" & you'd share a drink or two together.

To me, it depends on how long you have known the person. Your comments are not offensive but are not what someone may have been "expecting" in those circumstances. Sometimes, I'll search my brain for a clever response, find a good one or come up with a new one and then simply reply with a "Yes" or a "No" because the person(s) may not be use to my sort of humor or may not have a clue about what I am talking about. When I am around people that I know really well I lose the tendency to pause when I come up with a clever response and just let'em fly.

I don't know how "quite the little mongrel, are you?" sounded when you said it. When I read it it sounded negative to me, a bit of a put down - probably the way it was worded. But if he doesn't like your sense of humour, then move on.

As for the second point: guys sometimes like treating women. It's a compliment, though it may not feel comfortable for you. If you don't feel comfortable having him treat you, then perhaps you don't suit each other either. Or perhaps you could simply tell him if you don't feel comfortable being treated, and ask to pay your own way instead, and see if he understands.

In the long run, I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes you hit it off with people, sometimes you don't. And you can get away with all sorts of things if the guy's really smitten.

The first bit might be offensive if he didn't know if it was a joke... second doesn't seem offensive.. then again, I have NFI what is or isn't offensive.

mongrel is a bit strong of a word.



this is a very awkward way to say what you mean.. thie timing is a bit off too.

You should've just accepted and later offerd to by him one. if he initially refused, you should've insisted.

How do you know he doesn't want anything to do with you?

I don't see anything wrong with what you said. If he can't take a joke then he isn't worth the trouble.

I call myself a classic American mongrel; I don't think of it as perjorative when applied to humans. I think that there are, however, people who see it in a negative light still. Also, I think that the diminutive 'little' may have made the comment harsher than it would otherwise have been.

I think that the take on both comments would depend heavily on the tone of voice and body language used with it.