This is gonna sound stupid, but...

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...do any of the other aspie girls panic whenever a stranger hits on them?


I think I accidentally come off as a real jerk sometimes, just because people tend to take it personally when someone refuses to make eye contact and/or tries to run away after something like that... especially since I'm not six years old.

I mean, I'm not looking, but I live in a somewhat urban environment so there are lots of people around- and it'd be nice to be able to say "hey, thanks" or smile like a normal person if the guy was being cool about it, or just ignore him if he wasn't.

I live in Hong Kong, so being 'hit on' doesn't happen very often. But I run away from sales girls and I feel bad about it because my mum is a waitress and if someone is rude to my mum just like I'm rude to the sales girls, I would be very upset.

As for being 'hit on', I had one terrible experience when I was 13 years old. I was on the MTR (subway) and once I sat down, another guy sat down next to me. I thought he was mentally disabled because he was rocking himself back and forth (like he was doing sit-ups). Once he sat down, the woman sitting on his other side got up immediately and went for another seat, she was afraid of the man. But I felt that I shouldn't discriminate against him and stayed in my seat. All through the trip I was freaked out because he was getting closer and closer to me, and by the time I was almost home, he touched my thighs and I freaked out, stood up and like ran away. Once I got home I cried and cried because it was very very very scary.

This is perhaps the reason why my parents aren't particularly worried about my problems with eye contact and walking away from people, and why sometimes I feel that I'm better off with these 'skills'. It protects myself from harms.

Maybe it's a culture thing. I wouldn't need the ability to say 'hey, thanks' to any strangers, but it's good not to look angry all the times.

Sorry if I was getting off topic.

That doesn't sound stupid at all. I used to be quite amenable to "friendly" strangers, until a few bad experiences and close calls with suspected pimps and sexual deviants taught me that such people are usually only interested in one thing... I am now extremely defensive when anyone approaches me, and there have been times in my life when I have reacted to any expression of acknowledgement from a stranger with vicious glares.

Panic no. But then, I havn't been hit on, ever. In some ways though, the panic makes sence. There's nothing wrong in it. I see it more as an unconcious personal protection thing.

it takes me a while to realise i am being "hit on" but once i do it scares me

It takes me awhile to realize it too, if they go about it in a more subtle, conversational way.

I have had a few bad experiences with creeps/deviants. It can be scary stuff- I cried once when I got home too. :/ ...but I don't think the panic stems from that- I think it's just social ineptness. It's more just the typical "you're so beautiful i had to tell you" thing a lot of young women get in certain places. (Didn't run into it as often in the suburbs, but I live in a crowded place with a lot of young single guys.) And since I usually go about my day by myself, I think people are more inclined to approach me.

It definitely is an "unconscious personal protection thing." But I've had a few guys look hurt, and respond with "What, you can't even pick your head up and look at me?" And I feel bad.

Guys I've dated seem to think this is very funny. Which I guess I can understand- I suppose I wouldn't really mind either if my significant other reacted very badly to being hit on. (I was actually with an aspie-ish guy who would get rather hostile to girls that flirted with him- not gonna lie, that was totally fine by me) But still, it's unhelpful.

I panic when anyone hits on me because I don't know what to say or do.

Once I ended up just running out of the bar and going home.

I'm 41 and I flee.

I've had so many bad experiences I just don't want to travel down that road anymore. I find there is no easy way to tell someone to "back off" ...some men seem to take "I'm not interested" as a personal affront or they think you're just shy and become more persistent.

Apparently yes. It depends on the situation. There have been times where guys have told me didn't you get a clue? So, usually when this happens and I know that it is, I can't think up any lines to say. Now that I don't drink, it makes it even more harder. I start to tense up and probably start to sound stand-offish.

I just get up, and move some where else.

I find it insincere when a stranger "hits on me". Yes...I'm 16 and it does happen! Usually I just ignore it, but sometimes...if they are a creep...all I have to say is "get away from me" before someone else steps in and tells them to go away.

i get scared too, i remember being on the train once (at 23) and having this one guy(every one else ignored him) saying stuff about what he would like to do to me (or one of the other girls not sure) he was possibly mentally disabled, after a few minutes i got really nervous and got off the train at a stop to change carriages.

anyway it is nerveracking when it happens and i run away as well. doesn't happen often though.

I don't get hit on.

I find it terrifying, and straight away turn quite cold against the person. Then I panic about what an uptight b***h I must seem. Then I go lock myself up until I've calmed down again. I wish I could respond more rationally - I'm sure I was able to, at one point.

Hell, no, you're not weird! There are some pretty bizarre people out there, and a stranger has no really legitimate reason to be "hitting" on you - he doesn't know you from Mother Theresa. You have no way to know if this is a guy who just has no tact or if he's some bent sadist looking for his next victim to lure to his freaking underground bunker. The guy could be just an innocuous male with minimal social skills, or someone not overtly aware of how they're coming across. Given the options possible, it's more likely one of those last ones, but you can't take any chances in case it IS mr. bunker.

You might want to have a few stock lines rehearsed for these situations. Something like, "Thanks. I don't think I know you?" (if you want to), "Thanks for the compliment" (if it was one), "Yeah, my boyfriend thinks that, too" (if you want to fake it out), or the infamous "I'm sorry, I don't think we've been introduced" and turning away. (old fashioned, but you'd be surprised at how well it can work, given the tone you say it in).

You might also want to think about why you feel threatened? Is it something inside that says "warning, run away"? If it's that, you might want to examine it to find out why. As long as you understand what's going on, I'd listen to those warnings, if it were me. Is that that you don't know what is going on? That's a toughie. You can either chose to see how it plays out or play it safe and run. Are the guys really hitting on you, or are they just saying "hello" and trying to make conversation. BIG, BIG difference there, sometimes.

Good luck, hon.

I'm always surprised to learn that someone was hitting on me, or flirting with me even when they've given me an out and out compliment, until they ask me out.

Worse... I wasn't even aware of this until I just read this thread!